#hillpool

[shielddeputydirector]

I want to cover you in pepper and sneeze all over you. -DP

She is, for a gloriously long moment, completely flustered.

"... Wh-... Y-..."

Maria takes a breath.

"Jesus Christ, Wade, why?"

[shielddeputydirector]

♂ Wade

Snowball’s Chance

Maria Hill; straight-laced and reserved. Wade Wilson; none of those things.

Could these two somehow manage not to murder one another when assigned to work a case together by The Agency? All signs point to “hell, no.”

But, the signs have been wrong before...

[shielddeputydirector]

♡ + Wade

Maria’s relationship with Wade Wilson is complicated.

He’s an asshole, and chaotic where Hill is Lawful.He’s a hufflepuff and she’s a Slytherin.He’s only got a few rules and she’s got too many.He causes her paperwork and she HATES paperwork.

But he makes her laugh when no one else can.He remembers to bring brownies when he visits, even if he did eat half of them first. Not ½ of the batch, but half of each brownie.He’d give her a hand if she ever needed one, though what she’d do with it while he regrew a new one was anyone’s guess.

So he infuriates and gratifies her.

And she wouldn’t trade him for anything.

[shielddeputydirector]

Kink: Wade covered in spray cheese and sprinkles, seductively pouring maple syrup on his nipples while eating a crunch wrap supreme with extra guac

NEVER | NOT REALLY | MAYBE | NOT BAD | MMMMM | HELL YES | TAKE ME NOW | THERE GO MY PANTS

[ozhawkauthor]

Happy Birthday, whedonista93!

September 3 - "You know I dream of you?", Maria Hill/Wade Wilson for whedonista93

Messed with the wording slightly to fit with what I wanted to do :D

“You know I dreamed about you last night,” Maria said when she walked into her office to find Wade sitting on her desk. He was swinging his legs like a kid and eating all of the red M&Ms she kept in her emergency chocolate stash jar in the hidden floor safe nobody but Stark knew about.

“Oooh,” Wade said brightly, “was it a good kind of dream?” He had his mask off to eat, waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

Maria had to laugh. Reclaiming her jar of M&Ms, she walked around her desk and shook her head on seeing the open safe. “Please tell me the only thing you took out of here was my chocolate?”

“Didn’t see anything else interesting,” Wade shrugged, hopping down off the desk and coming up behind her as she knelt to replace the jar. “Tell me about this dream of yours. I like the idea that I’m in your dreams. Although I’m just wondering if it was me or one of the boxes.”

“Boxes…? No, never mind.” She closed the safe and stood up, turning to face him. “No, I’m pretty sure it was you, Wade.”

“So tell me about it,” he sat back down on her desk, giving her an expectant look. “I love stories! Especially if I’m in them!”

Smiling, she took a seat in her office chair, knowing all too well that she wouldn’t get rid of him out of her office until she’d told him. “Before I do, were you here for any other reason than to steal my chocolate?”

“Nope!” Wade shook his head.

“You didn’t think that cracking my safe was a lot of effort to go to just to get some M&Ms when you could have walked to the 7-Eleven on the next block?”

“Yes but then I’d have had to go out of the building, and it’s raining.”

Maria shook her head with a little smile. “I don’t know why I ask. Your logic never makes any sense.”

“It absolutely does! To me,” Wade said indignantly.

“...never mind. Okay. So the dream. It was really odd, actually, I was at my high school reunion…”

“You went to high school?”

“Of course I went to high school!”

“Okay. I just thought that you might actually be a super-AI in a bangin’ human body like Tony keeps sayin’ he’s gonna give FRIDAY.”

“...Stark says what?” Maria’s lips firmed and she made a mental note to go and head off that particular bad idea as soon as possible. “Anyway. No, I’m not an AI, Wade, and yes, I did go to high school. I made the stupid mistake of going to the ten-year reunion and I have no intention of going to the fifteen-year-one whose invite arrived in the mail yesterday, which is clearly why I dreamed about it.”

“Why was it a mistake to go to the ten year one? I mean, you’re gorgeous, you’re successful…”

“And I couldn’t tell anyone what I really do.”

“...oh.”

“I don’t know what possessed me to go anyway. Boredom, probably. Anyway,” she gave him a severe look for sidetracking her, and Wade shivered with delight, “I was at my high school reunion and for some really odd reason, you were there and you turned out to have been at my high school too. On the football team.”

“I was a popular kid!” Wade fist-pumped victoriously. “Yeah! Wait, were you a popular kid too?”

“No, I was a bookish nerd.”

“Aww. Wait, I know! We could have had an amazing romance where I was the one who saw your Inner Beauty behind your nerdiness and there was an amazing montage scene where you got transformed from the ugly duckling into the swan you are today and I took you to the prom and we were prom King and Queen!” He nodded and smiled eagerly.

Maria stared at him. “You know, Wade, I kind of find myself wishing that had actually happened,” she said a little wistfully, remembering the misery that her prom had been.

She was surprised when he leaned forward and took her hand. “I wish it had happened too,” he told her sincerely. “Maybe in some parallel universe it did, and Other Wade and Other Maria are happily married and raising a passel of kids on a ranch somewhere.”

“... you’re not serious.”

“Sure I am! You’re brilliant so you’d be the breadwinner with the high-powered job and I’d be the devoted house husband looking after the kids, and every night when you got home from work I’d have a delicious dinner made for us all, and once we’d got the kids settled I’d carry you off to bed and make sweet, sweet love to you until you fell asleep.”

“Oh, Wade.” Smiling, she shook her head. “Your imagination is quite something.”

“I know That’s parallel Other Universe you and me, but we could still have a little bit of that in this universe?” He gave her a hopeful look.

“No ranch and kids, what’s left?” Maria frowned, bemused.

“The part where I carry you off to bed and make sweet, sweet love to you?”

“... I gotta say that I have to give you points for trying. You might even be winning me over a little bit.”

Wade fist-pumped again. “I’ll cook you dinner first, too! Come by my place tonight, seven o’clock!”

He darted out of the office before Maria could even make up her mind. Smiling, she reached out to boot up her computer. Maybe she would go by his place tonight, after all.

[shielddeputydirector]

(rumor) You and Wade bang in the janitor's office so much the janitor has learned to leave the door open a little bit and when it's closed, he won't go in

False. We have done it in a janitor’s closet, but my badge has a security override that can shut a door so no one but Fury can unlock it. And he wouldn’t bother.

[shielddeputydirector]

You watch my ass when I walk away, don't you? -Wade

Oh yeah. I love to see you go, and I REALLY love to watch you walk away.

[shielddeputydirector]

Hillpool

In Every Universe; Amazing, Outrageous, Yielding