Well, I maybe "new" in tumblr, but, I already start making art from more than 10 years ago.
My dream was become a comic artist. My final project in university was an interactive comic about Raden Saleh.
Then, 10 years after my graduation in bachelor, I'm taking a master degree's programs. My first purpose to join is to learn how to manage my art business. In the first year, I was "running" around what kind of thesis I should make. I love making children illustration, I started out with "children's book", but then eventually stumbled upon a comic reader community, an invitation to a comic exhibition from my friend and met my old mentor (comic). I talked to him a bit, made an appointment, and discussed a lot with him. Then, I start to digging up about comic once again.
I went to a comic discussion again, I met my old comic's acquaintance, I talked about comic again, I....I feel I want to make a comic...again. My bad thought haunts me "do I too old to start a comic again?". I talked a lot with my old acquaintance today and he said "no, you're never too old. Many old people, more than 60s are still making comic."
Maybe, I will start again... I'm sorry for my rumbling...
“Japan’s Miyagi Prefecture was hit by a 7.4 earthquake causing a tsunami and 800$ million total damage making it one of the worst earthquakes that the Miyagi prefecture has experienced. There are 1325 injured from the event and 28 deaths ranging from 15 years old Nakamura Hime to 43 years old ____, more information will be given soon.”
“Turn the tv off.” Gaman said to their sibling as he slump. “Dont you have a funeral to go to?”
“Yes and I have to babysit you too so make this easy, its not easy right now.” He nodded leaving no choice but to follow him to his older sibling to its best friends house. “My condolences ms. Nakamura.” Gaman said bowing, She didnt accept it and hugged them. “You were one of Hime’s best friend who brought a smile to her face. Im just so grateful you came towards her funeral, Im sure she happy to have you here.” She teared and Gaman said. “Ms. Nakamura, dont cry, Im sure that Hime would be very upset to see you cry. She may have resentment, but she still loved you dearly.” They comforted and entering the room, where lays a pictures of Hime, her baby pictures, her graduation, her with her friends and many more memories with candles and white and yellow chrysanthemums surrounding her pictures.
Gaman smiled at the picture showing her most happiest smile, Gaman and their little brother bowed and put down a pink hyacinth, recalling a memory from what Hime said.
“When I die, give me pink Hyacinths. Not those typical chrysanthemums, I want to say goodbye in my way, not traditional way yknow?”
Gaman smiled at the though, taking a lantern and releasing it to the pond.
“I brough Pink Hyacinths for you, you probably will squeal how pretty they are knowing you. I miss you, the whole group tried to save up with their families to finally held a proper funeral for you. I know you may think it must be a burden, but you were never one. Your mom gave us the diary and.. I want to say sorry. I feel as if its my fault, I never notice how much you suffered. Im really sorry, atleast.. Are you finally relax? You died earlier than I have. I wonder how heaven is up there? Do you have everything you need there? I want to die with you but I guess now I want to live for you. Thank you, for being the bestest friend I could ever have. Ill make sure to blow a few before leaving.” Saying goodbye once the lantern was out of its sight.
They sigh, holding their brother’s hand. “Lets go, the others are waiting at the train station. We dont wanna be late.”
“Gaman,”
“Hm?”
“Are you… sure you want to move to Tokyo? Your friend just died and you decide to move out?”
“Im sure, even she knows how this is the right thing for me. Something she always wished for me. Lets not be late.” They left to the train station.
Meeting the others, they hug Gaman tightly and comforted them. Riding the train, they looked outside through the train’s window smiling at the Miyagi prefecture getting smaller and smaller. Gaman took out a mini bubble wand, blowing bubbles aim to Miyagi reflecting your bubbly and positive energy towards everybody even through tough times. The last goodbye to you.
Dear Diary, todays 9th June, yesterday was a pretty eventful day, graduation, goodbyes with my friend and a funeral.
Graduation. Was alright, I accepted my certificate from my teachers and have said my goodbyes towards them and my classmates. There were many boys who gave their second button to the girls but I never bothered. My family was surprisingly sober, wanting today to be a special day for me. They all came and gave their congratulations towards me and I smiled and hugged them. “Thank you for coming” I said to them and they just smiled.
Me and my friends? We’ve all apologized to each other and reconciled. Of course we shared tears saying our last goodbyes to each other. But we all know that we will meet again someday so we didnt cried that much, but still I said goodbye to them feeling finally at peace with my life.
That is until.. the news came.
My teacher recently died on an accident. I stood there in surprise processing the shocking news. I went to her house and sent out a lantern for my teacher as tradition. I gave my condolences towards her family, and although my classmates and friends were posting about their goodbyes towards her. I did nothing. It was hard to process how the teacher I dear the most even though I dont show much is gone. I cried hysterically in my bed as it finally dawn on me, it seems that the more I enjoy my life the more pain it gets me to.
There was tension between my friends Gaman, Eiwa, Aini and Benio. Gaman explained her feelings towards Aini’s new behavior and I must say, I do notice and I do agree, but, she’s one of the people i could really trust and rely on. Yes she’s been hanging out with the bullies, yes we have expressed it to her DIRECTLY, yes we tried to trust, I myself am still trying to trust her. I think its because of how she’s always surrounded and being popular in her childhood, that she wants to feel that feeing again. But she wont accomplish it through our group. Im happy shes getting recognition and im happy that she’s happy. But I feel so selfish to wish her to be back with me and my friends, I miss days where we would always sneak to the playground and play, making jokes at the canteen or just chat online. But it seems to be getting less now. I miss those days where we can be happy again, but that is also what you call growing up, and I hate it. I feel like if I was there with her and try to solve it, it wouldn’t be this bad. Guess what I have been doing? Focusing on my own academics and home, venting and giving no shit about everybody surrounding me. I should’ve been matured for once. Im one of the oldest yet im not the matured one. I feel so selfish to even exist. Maybe if I wasn’t here, This problem would never happen.
July 8 is my graduation, yes im happy to move high schools, but im scared for what my friend group is gonna become. Most of us are moving to different schools, so its not sure if we could stay in touch. My friends express how their scared to be alone again, i mean, who wouldn’t? Ive always feel left out and they were the only ones who made me believe that I do belong here, they’re my home.
But if this is what its gonna be, I dont wanna leave. My friends are gonna be scared and alone and Im just here excited for my new school and a new life. How selfish can I be?? I know its good for me, but what about them? I feel selfish for thinking about myself, I know, but I have no clue on what to do anymore. Not to mention one of them cant afford high school. I hate being privileged yet still complaining about things, I wish I could switch our lives, let them be privileged while I suffer, atleast they can do something in their life. They could be a bussiness woman, lawyer, writer, artist, athlete, anything. Not me who does nothing with my music talent and not being good in school.
A few days before graduating.. it really is hitting me huh? I dont want to lose my home.. Ill miss and love you all. Hopefully this story could end well
”Why are you crying? Im just asking you a question.”
yet it still feels like im being stabbed directly in the chest. I tried to hold it in but tears still spilled and theres no going back as I get scolded from my father. Ive tried my best studying, but they never believe me. I got angry and left the car, running to the nearest restroom of the school. It all hurts.. Yet I dont have enough time, so i hurriedly washed my face and go to schoool.
School went smoothly and I hurriedly went home to my room, I sobbed in my pillow as it was hard to smile for half a day. My body all of a sudden move itself and grab the scissors, the next thing I knew,
Hi everybody!! while waiting you guys can read the next Hime chapter! Its kinda short though, hopefully it fills your boredom and enjoy! ^^
Whatever I tried, it doesnt work.
I have practiced,
I have learn,
I have done everything I could, but for some reason my body does the opposite.
My brain says “play a C”, but my fingers play a B
My brain says “punch”, but my leg kicked
My brain says “8,512.16”, but my mouth said 1,415.08
My brain says “Dont cry”, but tears threatened to fall from my eyes
Ive tried to bottle it down and and smile, but it hurts. I want to scream to them, but I know that they have gone through rough roads to be with me, so I stay silent. I stopped scrolling to the internet and got up my bed with a sigh.
“Atleast its school,” I said and took a shower.
I arrived school and greeted with everybody. Aini and Beino was here at school, Eiwa was busy while Gaman wasnt present. I worried for her and hope for the best that she will be alright.
We continued the day as normal, but something didnt felt right. Lightning struck indicating a stormy weather coming, and thats when I knew my question was answered, Gaman called us.
“Guys.. My dad’s gone..” We all were shock. We hurriedly went to the bathroom to have a private phone call. As she explain it gets harder and harder to hold the tears and it all spilled. Aini and Beino cant hold their tears too, so we all cried in the bathroom together. The call ended and yet we still continued to cry, a few of our classmates who are also close with Gaman found us and learn the truth. We all cried together in the bathroom.
The next few days after the funeral was just getting worse and worse. Exams came up and I'm failing a lot, being criticised in every way from looks to skills. Whats the use of this? Why cant I just lock myself in my room and never come out?
"Because thats what life is. Live with it." My mom said then called her friend back. I sigh and look at my group chat, empty..
I should do something to cheer them up,
I open my travel app and booked a stay near the local beach in our town, I smiled and hurriedly chatted. "Guys, no excuse but a one night stay near the beach next week, see you there."
Next week
"Why are we here?" Beino asked as we were walking around the beach.
"You'll see." I said, grabbing Gaman's hand. "Walk faster! come on!" We eventually run through the other side of the beach and see a bag full of fireworks and firecrackers. "Whats this?" Eiwa ask in shock.
"We've always wanted to play fireworks and firecrackers in the beach right? Let's do it while were still young!" I said grabbing stuff in the bag and handing them the items. They smiled and light up the firecrackers. We played around for a while, and I felt happy and alive. The atmosphere around us felt so alive, and I love that. Seeing their laugh and smiles cheers me up in every way. I hope that no one else could discourage and take what I care the most away from me. But for now,
Imma fulfill and have fun with my friends, while Im still young.
Hiiiii!! So this story could be a more angsty and different from what I usually wrote, I just wanna test and experience how writing this kind of genre is like! I hope you would enjoy this one! Feedbacks are very accepted!!! Enjoy! ^^
Word count: 1.3k Genre: Angst
Dear Diary,
“Smile” They said,
“Your not being controlled” They lied,
“Start to act mature” How if you keep doing this to me. Let me tell you something from when I was young. It was My first time moving to Miyagi Prefecture.
“Hime, time for school!” My mom called downstairs. I grabbed my bag and hurriedly went down.
“Ok bye!” I waved her goodbye, getting on a nearby bus. Arriving at school I smiled happily seeing my childhood friend Gaman. “Waddup”
“Let's go, we're gonna be late for class.” Gaman said. Then school started.
Everything went well, I smiled and had fun with my new friends. Teasing, pushing playfully, making jokes and pictures here and there. Hanging with my friends makes me smile, genuinely. I never want school to end. But it always has to.
My mom would pick me up to go to my club, a traditional dance. Oh how I hate traditional dance that isn't even my culture. “Y'know, tradition helps you improve your posture. You’re a girl, you need to keep a good posture. You should be grateful for getting it.”
“But I'm tired..” I lied.
“Oh come on, you can handle a few minutes of dancing.”
Dancing felt hellish and tiring. I wish to stop this lesson.
Piano theory club was next. “You’re taking piano lessons, so you should know and understand the theory too, plus there are also singing chords and all, which could help improve your singing.”
I regret joining this, I joined this class for probably using only around 30% of what we learn. The rest were useless but a must to go through. I put on a smile and went inside the classroom acting all excited. “Hello Miss Magake!” I cheerfully said.
“Ready for class?”
“Yep!” I lied. I just want it to end.
We went home thinking I could relax now. “Go do the dishes, throw the trash, do your laundry and homework, practice piano and order us food.” I agree.
It was like that, everyday. School, extracurricular activities, chores and study on the weekdays. Weekends were the same, extracurricular activities, extra chores and study. It started to tire me out, but my parents dismissed it that I was just being dramatic and childish. I can't fight back cause they would always answer the same thing.
“Well we’re your parents, and know when tiring is, we work hard to earn money to pay for your tuition. You should be grateful that we are supporting you to reach your dreams.” They said, while I was on the verge of tears.
“Can you stop crying? You're 7 now, act like it. Crying won't bring you anything, if you can't take it, just go to the bathroom. Why are you still crying? No one wants to see your worthless cry.” I ran to the bathroom. Sobbing, while locking the door. That is how I realized that showing a vulnerable side of myself would bring nothing but shame.
Throughout the years it became a habit, every time I felt like crying I would run to the bathroom. Ignoring everything, my friends calling me, my mom banging my door and even people who tried to offer me assurance. Years go by and I am 14, feeling as if everything is getting worse. But I still decided to hide it. My schedules are always full,
Monday, having singing lessons.
Tuesday, Swimming and Piano theory.
Wednesday, Fashion and Piano lessons.
Friday, Traditional dance lessons.
Sunday, Tennis.
The only days I could ever get at least a little break is on Thursday, Saturday would be filled with chores. I feel like burning out, it's too much. “It's your choice, plus your schedule isn't as bad as mine,” My mom said. She’s right though, she has gone through worse than me, I should be strong, so that I won't be excluded from society.
My parents.. They're just getting into arguments more than before, and I started to be cold towards them and I always regret it, but they just make me feel uncomfortable. Days went by and I feel like the trust I have in my parents kept decreasing every time I heard them shouting. I became used to hearing them screaming before bed that now I couldn't sleep without hearing them yelling at each other which led to sleepless nights. All those arguments, it all caused because of me. So who am I to interrupt, I bet it's gonna make it worse.
When everything finally was at its peak my mom had a talk with me. “Why are you closing yourself from me? I'm your mother, I'm supposed to know things happening with you. I had a call from your teacher about you crying in the bathroom. What is happening?” I kept my head low. Not answering any of her questions as she kept pressuring me. I finally said something, my struggle with a classmate. But that's all I can tell. Anything else and I might cry infront of her again. The vivid memory of her disgust look when I cry will come back to haunt me again. I don't want to see that again.
I suddenly found a website. I looked through and started to make a lot of online friends. It has become my safe place, where I can tell my feelings without people knowing who I really am. I don’t know why I did it but I told my friends about it and they joined me and supported everything. They assured me that my feelings are valid, but the person inside me kept saying they were lying.
I now try to hide everything by putting a smile on my face. Some people didn’t even know I was struggling until I told them. I finally vented everything to my friends. Aini, Gaman, Eiwa and Benio listened tentatively to me and I never felt so grateful to be with them. They felt like an actual family that supported me no matter what. I would do the same to them and try to comfort them. The more each of us vent, the more I think that my problem isn't as hard as my friends and that they have gone through much worse events than me.
It made me overthink everything, why would I tell my problems to them if it will bring more burden? I started to stop venting a lot more and let them vent to me. My problems aren't as bad as mine, so I can handle their problems. Comfort them and act as a mother to them. Not caring that my own mental health would deteriorate. I came to a conclusion that seeing them happy makes me happy, and I won’t forgive anyone who makes them sad.
“Let's go to the playground!” I invited them.
“Aren't we too old for the playground now?” Eiwa asked.
“We're still 14, we're still young, we're still in middle school. Let’s just have fun while we still can!”
“Hime’s right. Soon we’ll graduate high school and a lot more responsibilities will come, so let's use our free time for fun while we still can.” Benio encouraged us, we all agreed and played in the playground. I want them to have fun in middle school, spend their time without any stress. I want them to have a fun childhood that didn't go to waste unlike mine.
I stayed positive around my friends because I want them to know that life could get better, I want to help give hope in living, even if it's just a little. I wish before everything ends, is to see them live a happy life. They gave me happiness and trust, something I could never repay back but wish to. If you're seeing this, please know that I love you.
it has been a long time since i wrote an entry here...i suppose it must have been a little before my break up with...him. i’m a bit better now, and something very intriguing happened so i should keep this diary up to date just in case.
i have a new family now. i had to find a couple with no kids, manipulated their memories and slithered in their house and life as their daughter. i also attained a new ID so i can work normally as a citizen of this country and i am now working closely with an archaeological team. a few months ago we excavated various artifacts.
oh i forgot. i have a cat now, luna. she is a black and cute cat with pretty eyes and a loving personality. and i’m not sure but i think i must have made a new friend? tough yet to tell really. but, he isn’t annoying and he is funny. i’m helping him with his family to fool them that he has a girlfriend who doesn’t want to get married. i suppose helping him doesn’t hurt and it is a step towards being more social i guess?
we have the valentine’s day date with his family and i have to put on an act. nothing hard for me. lastly, there is going to be an excavation in phrygia, a very old city that had midas as it’s king. i’m looking forward to the findings there. i might end up teleporting there to mix with the other archaeologists and see for myself! i’m excited for that.
