#himym text

[himym-life-lessons]

Marshall : I have to go down there and I have to tell her I love her. I have to beg to take me back even if I have to tell on my knees.

Robin : Marshall, you can't do that!

Marshall : Really? Why not?

Future Ted : 56 days. That's how long it took me to get right about here...

Ted : Because you're pathetic! I'm sorry. But right now, you are not Marshall. You are the miserable, whining, shampoo-sniffing ghost of Marshall and frankly, a guy like you doesn't have a shot in hell with a girl like Lily. You know who might have a shot somewhere down the line? Marshall. The real Marshall. But if you go down there now like this, you'll blow it for him and he's never gonna forgive you.

[himym-life-lessons]

The summer of 2006 was both wonderful and awful. For me, it started out great. In fact, day one was amazing. I'd finally gotten together with Robin. But while I'd been off having one of the best nights of my life, your Uncle Marshall had been having one of the worst nights of his.

Future Ted

[himym-life-lessons]

Rain-dancing on top of the rooftop

Barney: Hey, Ted. Whatcha doing?

Ted: A rain dance.

Barney: Dude, that's not a rain dance, that's a fat kid with a bee in his pants.

Ted: Look, I highly doubt the Great Spirit is a stickler for choreography. It's the thought that counts. She's leaving in half an hour.

Barney: These are your awesome years. You're wasting them on this girl. This isn't gonna work!

Ted: Yeah. I know that.

Barney: Well, then why are you doing this?

Ted: Because I love her. I love her! I told her that the first night we went out, and here it is, eight months later, and nothing's changed. So yes, I know this isn't gonna work. But it has to work! You hear me, universe? This is Ted Mosby talking! Give me some rain! Come on! Come on! Come on...! (Rain starts falling down)

Barney: Oh, come on!

[himym-life-lessons]

Lily: You're never going to find this girl.

Ted: Exactly. So I'm just going to wait for her to come to me. I am done trying to plan the unplannable.

Marshall: So, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it?

Ted: That's the plan.

[himym-life-lessons]

Lily: 28. Two more 'til the big one, three-oh.

Ted from 2030: Actually, my 30th birthday wasn't so bad. Well, except for the goat in my bathroom. Which is a great story. But I'll get to that later.

Lily: Still, you know, another year older. Still single. You don't hear your Tedological clock ticking?

Ted: Nope. I hit the snooze button.

[himym-life-lessons]

How was Prom ?

Ted: So how was your first prom?

Robin: You tell me. I hated my dress, my date got wasted and puked on me, there was a huge fight and I kissed a girl.

Ted: So, basically, it was a prom.

[himym-life-lessons]

Lily: I didn't have any of the experiences I set out to. The travel, the bohemian art life, my big lesbian experience. I didn't do any of it.

Robin: Lily, you're marrying your best friend in the world. I mean, isn't that worth all the other experiences combined?

Lily: Yeah.

[himym-life-lessons]

The Oldest Profession

Barney: Oh, gross. What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution? Dude, it's the world's oldest profession.

Marshall: You really think that's true?

Barney: Oh, yeah. I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers, like, an extra fish for putting out.

Marshall: Aha, so then the oldest profession would be fishermen. Kaboom! You've been lawyered.