Fun Goblin
Or: How I learned to stop worrying and love Netflix.
Back in my college days (I can totally say that now because I graduated ha ha ha fuck you), I wasn’t what you might consider a “rager”. I never “went hard in the paint”, as the kids say. I didn’t partake in getting “turnt”. Instead, I was/am/are what you would call “straightedge”. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I don’t indulge in the great ganja/icky sticky/dank ish/marijuana/etc.
That isn’t to say I judge those that do. I’ve got nothing against it. It was just never for me. And whenever I tell people this (in fact, it happened today), they give me this wide-eyed “Seriously?” expression, like that’s a foreign concept. I’ve gotten used to it.
But my choices inadvertently resulted in this gap that I’ve had to deal with for the past 4-5 years. Basically, whenever I want to do things with friends, I’m sort of limited in the things I can do with them and the time I can spend with them. This gap is mostly self-imposed. The truth is, I just get very uncomfortable around people who have reached a certain point in their intoxication, and I no longer enjoy being in that kind of environment. And the last thing I want is for my discomfort to bother other people who are enjoying themselves.
So whenever people invite me out to bars or parties, I go with the intent to pal around and have a good time, but generally around the 2 hour mark I find myself ready to head home.
For a while, I always thought that was kind of lame of me.
I would sometimes think, “Dude, just get over it. They’re your friends, they want to spend time with you, you want to spend time with them. It’s fine”. But then I’d find myself in that same uncomfortable position again, and my poker face is pretty bad. I’d have friends who would say silly drunk shit and then they’d look over at me and sheepishly apologize. And I’d laugh and say, “For what?” and they’d reply, “For being drunk”. I’ve also heard, “I always feel like you’re quietly judging me when I’m drunk”.
Hearing those things from my friends made me feel guilty. Like I was this fun goblin that comes around at midnight to steal all the fun from the college kids with my stone cold “I don’t like what you’re doing” face and my judge-y eyes.
I don’t want to be a fun goblin. I never wanted to be a fun goblin.
So I started going out less often. I’d make excuses like, “I’m tired” or “Hoity toity, lots o’ homework to be doin’, boy-o”. Yeah, I used comical Irish accents to blow off social engagements, what of it?
But you know what I learned during all that time that I spent in my dorm watching tv, playing games, writing, or literally doing nothing at all? That I have a lot of fun when I watch tv, play games, write and do literally nothing at all.
So why would I ever think it was lame for me to have fun the way I want to have fun.
I love spending time with my friends. I’m not introverted. I’d much rather be out and doing something with people. It just happens that right now, most of my friends want to drink and party when they go out rather than chilling in someone’s back yard around a firepit just talking. And that’s fine, I want my friends to be able to enjoy themselves. And I’m still able to spend time with my friends in an environment with which I’m more comfortable.
But in those times where I’d rather not be with them, I don’t think I’m being lame. And for those of you like me that would rather binge watch “The Office” than “go ham on a keg” (or whatever the kids say), you shouldn’t think you’re being lame either.
Mic drop, bitches. Fun goblin out. Deuces.