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It’s my very first self-portrait! This is what I look like, kinda. If you’ve never seen me, I doubt you’ll recognize me on the street. I’ve replaced my skin with fabric, my T-shirt made out of fabric with fabric, and by brain with a destroyed motherboard. My processor still works fine though.

As the portrait depicts, I’m a bit fuzzheaded. My thoughts are all over the place, scattered around my head. Within the work you’ll find the first script I ever wrote, and two of my previous artworks. My brain is sending out lines of connection, trying to connect and control the thoughts, trying to structure them. But the brain’s wires can only reach the mind so far, thus some give up half-way.

On the bottom right corner is my signature, and time stamp. It represents my name, Hugo van Essen, and from now on it will decorate all my works.

Making this piece of work was really challenging. I’ve already practiced this “fabric technique” in my previous artwork (Pieces), so that went easier. The real challenge, then, was putting myself on canvas. Firstly, my face was rather in-your-face up close to my actual face. It makes you face your insecurities, and accept your face as your identity. Secondly, I wanted to perfect it to a degree that I do not deem possible, because I want to portray my self-portrait as perfect to others. As if I have no insecurities or weaknesses. Of course this is not true and this piece isn’t perfect, but you must understand that as an artist (which I think I can call myself) it is real scary, frightening even, to expose your work to others.

All of my artworks are permeated by “me”, and this one especially; simply by being my artwork, and additionally because it depicts my actual face. Imagine your persona being a tough shell which you expose to your social surroundings everyday. It is sturdy, and only few people you interact with daily will scratch its surface. It’s like teeth, the outer layer consists of “enamel”, after diamond the hardest natural mineralized tissue on this planet. There is a layer after that called “dentin”, which serves as a buffer, but after that, your inner layer, “pulp”, is practically defenseless! Now they say that if you brush your teeth everyday you ought to be fine, no bacteria will decay your enamel, and your pulp will be safe. Well, I’m exposing my pulp to the haters, and they can go f*ck themselves.

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