Why must Y O U invade my dreams? I had been dying to wake up for hours and when I finally did, the nothingness was real.
all over the place, I had seen your face. my dream mirrored something old that I couldn’t put my finger on. Tumblr was part of it too and something happened where I changed my name to what it is now, something awe-some. Why does January hold exquisite heaviness? The witty banter sure was bliss.
…
AHHHHH WAIT— It’s a FUCKING FULL MOON!
Okay okay makes perfect sense now, great -_-.
My dreams were very very loud and intense!
whew, am glad I have off today (from work)
I woke up into the late afternoon about 3p from slumber starting at 4a….
I don’t know how to sign off on this… maybe a little throwback because my dream told me to check my Google Photos and my my my—
Listennn hitbp is the best shit ive read in a while! i was just thinking jaehyun was cute, now hes hardcore wrecking me 🤧 and i choked when she wanted to climb out the window to avoid confrontation cuz i did that!!! Lol my ex bf was gonna propose when we were in his foster parents attic (better than it sounds lol) and when i realised i climbed out the window up to the roof 😅 they still call me windchimes for how i dangled in front of the window
JFKJKJS DID YOU REALLY oh i love that so much that’s so funny oh my GOD i’m so happy you liked it!!!!
SUMMARY‣ Things are discussed, revealed and made much more complicated.
Koti didn't really know what was going on with her lately. Her head was a mess and her thoughts were all over the place. Ever since things ended on a sour note with Luz, it had in turn made her mood that way too. All she wanted to do was move far, far away and forget about everything and everyone. It also didn't help that Priscilla was frustrating the hell out of her, she had managed to fuck things up with Brooke again, and it didn't seem like Santana had managed to get Luz to come back. Two of those things she couldn't do anything about, but one she could and she was going to. Pushing the door open to her girlfriend's dormitory room, she sighed deeply as she entered the open area. "Brooke - I..." Her voice was suddenly caught in her throat as the person she had definitely not expected to be there came into view. Dakota froze not sure whether she should run or stay. Deciding on the latter, she closed the door softly behind herself, then turning around to face her sister. "H-hey."
Luz was laying down on Santana's bed, hiding her face under the covers. The sun was peaking through the curtains which wasn't helping the terrible migraine she had been experiencing since she had woken up this morning. Luz usually never was hungover, she usually knew how to control herself. But apparently not anymore. Santana had left the room to go who knows where a couple of hours ago, leaving Luz agonizing on her own. It was probably better that way since every single noise was making her feel like her head was about to explode. That's why when she heard someone open the door, her first reaction was to whine. "Don't make so much noise! Jesus." She said, turning around in the bed to face the wall. She turned around when she heard the door close and pulled down the covers from her face to see who had just entered the room. She was definitely not expecting to see Dakota standing in front of her, but here she was. "I'm alone here, you can leave now." She said, covering her head with the covers once again.
Koti ignored her sister's comment and walked further into the room and over to Santana's bed, sitting on the edge of it, keeping a safe distance away from her sister. She knew that she had asked Santana to ask Luz to come back but she figured she would have gone back to the apartment. But then again, she probably thought Koti was there, too. "I can see that. Even better." The older girl, responded, finally managing up a enough courage to proceed with the conversation. Reaching over, Dakota removed the covers from her sisters head, and stared down at her for a moment. Saying that she had missed her would be an understatement and definitely something that would probably would be unwelcomed so she refrained from saying. The last thing she wanted was to have Luz run out on her. This would probably be the only chance she had to make things right, and she planned to. "Are you still mad at me?"
Luz heard her sister getting closer. How could she not? Every step she did sounded like a nuclear bomb exploding right in Luz's face. "Stop being so fucking loud!" She said, putting a pillow on her head. A second later, Dakota was removing the covers from her head and the light peaking through the curtains made Luz' migraine worse. The youngest Lopez got up, holding her head in between her hands as if it was going to fall apart and walked towards her bag where she grabbed a beer. She opened it without a word and chugged half of it before going back to the bed. "I can't be mad at you." She said as she was going back under the covers. "But if you keep making so much noise I will be."
Koti watched Luz as she sat up and got out of bed. Her first thought was that she was going to leave, but when she didn't, she released a breath that she didn't even know she was holding. Dakota furrowed her eyes in confusion, not really sure what more to say. It was a relief that Luz wasn't upset with her. At least now she knew she didn't have to fear the worst, but she was still a little iffy on exactly what to say. She was often known for saying the wrong things and she definitely didn't want to mess things up twice as bad. "I'll try not to." She said, bringing her voice down to barely above a whisper. "You know drinking more doesn't really help hangovers, right? Brooke has - there's some pain killers in here somewhere, I can get them if you want." Not bothering to wait, she already stood up, making her way to the blonde's side of the room and rummaging through her dressers for the pill bottle. She retrieved two and then placed it back in its original placing, and made her way back over to Luz. "Here, take these."
Luz was too busy focusing on the hammer inside of her head to actually think about the fact that seeing her sister was making her heart race inside of her chest. She had regretted telling her how she felt every single day since it happened and the fact that Koti was now trying to take care of her was making her feel uncomfortable. "I'm good" She said, emerging from under the covers to chug the rest of the bottle. "I said I'm good." She repeated as Koti was offering her some painkillers. "I'm not a fucking pussy, I can take a hangover thank you." She added, laying down again.
Koti "No, you're not good." Koti couldn't help but roll her eyes at how ridiculous Luz was being. It wasn't much of a surprise that she refused her help, but Dakota didn't care, she was still going to offer it. "If you were good, you wouldn't be saying I'm loud when I'm speaking how I normally do, you wouldn't be hiding under the covers like a vampire because you can't face the light, and I know you sure as hell wouldn't still be willingly laying here with me right next to you." With that, she laid down beside the girl, loosely snaking her arm around her waist.
Luz grabbed her head in between her hands again as Koti was talking. "You really are loud though." She said as she felt her sister laying down next to her. "I'm fine, you can go now." She said. Luz didn't really want Koti to go, but she didn't want her to stay either. A shiver went down her spine as she felt her sister putting her arm around her. "Don't." She said, trying to push her away with very little strength left in her body. Being hungover was making Luz weak, both physically and emotionally, which is probably the reason why she felt a couple of tears trying to escape from her eyes. Wiping them quickly with the back of her hand, she put the covers back over her head.
Koti didn't really know if this was the time to bring up things in the past, or if there was a right time at all, but it was now or never. However, she didn't want to say the wrong thing, so she figured she'd push Luz to bring up the topic that she knew was coursing through both of their minds. Reaching up, again, she removed the covers from the girl's face, using her free hand to wipe away the little hints of tears that so obviously threatened to escape. She had never seen her sister cry before, but she was human, after all. "You're fine, so why are you crying?" She waited, before continuing. "If you were fine, you'd have no reason to cry, right?" Dakota pressed on.
Luz shivered again when she felt her sister's hand wiping away her tears. If she hadn't been so hungover, Luz would have never let this happened and she knew it. Crying in front of someone was not okay, especially if it was in front of Dakota. "I'm not." She said, putting the covers back on her head. "I just wish I had another beer, that's it." She added, taking advantage of the fact that her face was covered to let the rest of her tears run free on her cheeks. "Can you get me one please?" She asked, hoping that her sister would get up without hearing her cry.
Koti "No, I can't. I think you've had enough." Dakota reached up to pull the covers down, only this time she didn't bother to pull them off the younger girl, and instead slid underneath them beside her. She let a moment pass, before she decided to push the boundaries and just go for it herself. Running a nervous hand through her hair, she sighed deeply, then spoke up. "The other day...did I hurt you?"
Luz "My head hurts, I need more." She whined, turning her back to her sister, showing no interest in what she was trying to say. Luz started to feel anxious when she felt Koti going underneath the covers with her. "No." She replied, trying to push herself against the wall so that she could stop feeling Koti's breath against her skin. "I'm fine." She added, "I'm always fine. You should know that by now."
Koti was known to be patient. She was always patient, but she had given Luz a week's worth of space, and she figured now was her time to make things better, but it seemed Luz wasn't going to make that an easy task to accomplish. "Then why the hell are you treating me differently? Why haven't I spoken to you in like a week? When have we never been clos, Luz? We've always been close." Now, she was becoming frustrated, though she desperately tried not to be. "I saw the shit you said to Santana that day, so you can't lie to me about this. Be honest with me, since you never were before."
Luz didn't want to talk. Her head was hurting way too much for her to organize her thoughts properly. And well, Luz didn't like to talk, she hated it. "I'm not treating you differently." She said, "Well, I am, I guess... I don't know." She added, wiping the rest of the tears from her face. "What do you want me to say?" She asked, wrapping her arms around herself as if it was going to protect her from the heartache that was taking control of her. "I didn't say anything to Santana. Santana doesn't talk, neither do I. And it's better that way."
Koti could tell that she was getting nowhere with this conversation. Luz wasn't going to talk, and if she kept prying with no responses, she knew that she'd let her temper flare, so instead she took a second to gather thoughts. Which was easier said than done considering they were all over the place at that moment. Even if she did try again, she knew she wouldn't really get any progress. She had to accept the fact that things would never be the same with them. "I'm just gonna go. Sorry I bothered you."
Luz didn't know what to say or do. She wasn't used to being in this kind of situation and the fact that she was not thinking straight wasn't helping. Blaming the alcohol, she turned around in the bed to face her sister. "I missed you." She said, trying her best not to cry again. "I'm sorry about everything and I hope you're happy." She added. "Can I have a beer now?" She asked.
Koti was prepared to stand up when those three words stopped her in her tracks. She sat back down, turning around to face the other brunette. "Are you happy?" She asked, flipping the question back on her sister. "Answer that, and I'll get you your beer." It wasn't what she really wanted to know, but that answer alone would at least answer many of her questions.
Luz pulled the covers out of her head when her sister sat back down. "Why does it matter?" She said as she was trying her best to sit down as well. It wasn't helping her migraine but at this point, she didn't really care about it anymore. "I will be happy if you get me a beer though." She added.
Koti "Because I care about you." Lately she had come to the conclusion that she cared more than she'd like to admit. It was confusing and frustrating and she hated it. "I told you to answer my question first, and then I'll get your beer."
Luz ran her fingers through her hair. It was actually the first time someone had told her that they cared. And it was making Luz feel a bit uncomfortable. "You don't have to. I don't want you to worry about me remember?
Koti rolled her eyes. "You can't expect me not to worry about you." It was just who she was. She cared too much, and she worried about people more than herself, and she was trying to work on that. "New Koti" as she deemed herself, wasn't this person she was right now, but she couldn't be New Koti around Luz. She never had to be anyone else but herself, and that was one reason she believed they had always been closer than the other two. "And it's not worrying, actually. It's caring. I can understand if the feeling isn't mutual, but I always will care about you." She shrugged. "Sorry."
Luz hid her face in her hands for a couple of seconds. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel. Luz didn't want Koti to care about her, because she was obviously going to get hurt if she kept on doing that but at the same time it felt kind of good. "Really Koti? Really?" said Luz when she heard the last part of her sister's speech. "You know what's wrong with you? You keep on ignoring that fact that I care about you more than I care about anybody else in the entire world."
Koti furrowed her eyes in confusion, not really understanding. "Were you not the one who said that you didn't give a fuck about me?" She recalled the events from the other day that completely turned her afternoon around and completely ruined her day. "Excuse me for mistaking that for not caring."
Luz got up and walked to her bag. Since her sister didn't seem like she was going to give her a beer, Luz was going to do it herself. She opened the bottle and went back on the bed. "If I didn't care I would've never done the things I did for you." She said. "I wouldn't hate Brooke as much as I do and I wouldn't be hungover right now." She added before taking a couple of sips off the bottle. "Not that it's your fault or anything, it's not."
Koti didn't really know what to say to that. She didn't even know how to feel, though all of her emotions were far from pleasant. The only thing she really wanted was her sister back and to fix things the best way she could. "Is there anything that I can do to fix it? This? Us?"
Luz brought the bottle to her lips one more time before her sister spoke. And the question she asked made Luz tear up again. "I'm the one who fucked up." She said, nervously tearing up the bottle's label. "I shouldn't have told you... That thing I told you." She added. "I'm sorry."
Koti had been fighting with herself ever since Luz admitted that to her, and didn't want to say something that could possibly jeopardize her relationship or complicate things more, but she couldn't just sit and watch her sister be so torn up. Especially because of how she felt. Swallowing thickly, she mustered up as much courage as she could. "...I - I love you."
Luz was focusing her attention on the bottle she had been holding. "I know you do." She answered, slowly bringing the bottle to her lips. "And I love you too. It's just not the same kind of love." She sighed before she chugged the rest of her beer. "Look, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable by telling you how I felt. I really didn't mean to. I don't even know why I told you." 0:17
Koti took the beer bottle from Luz and placed it on the nightstand. She then adjusted herself so that she sat directly in front of her sister, barely a few inches away. She brought her hands up to cup the girl's face, and forced her to look at her. Her eyes searched chocolate orbs briefly, before starting again. "No, listen. I love you." She responded, adding emphasis on the word 'love', hoping she wasn't too drunk to get it.
Luz "My beer..." She said, trying to reach to the bottle. But her action was interrupted when Koti decided to sit in front of her. Luz turned her head to face her sister's but almost jumped when she realized how close they were."What are you doing?" She asked when Koti cupped her face. "Don't." She said, closing her eyes so she could avoid her sister's glare. "You love me, love me?" She then asked, opening her eyes again.
Koti nodded, unable to find words. She was already nervous as hell and not really sure if that was something she should have said. "Yeah." She spoke up after a moment. Now she suddenly felt stupid. How did she manage to have feelings for two people? One being her sister. She had seen first hand with Priscilla and Santana how well dating your sister went over. But she wasn't even single so she shouldn't have been thinking of dating anyone else. "But we can't do anything about it."
Luz grabbed her sister's hands to take them out of her face but, unable to let go, she kept them inside of hers. She looked down as she was listening to Koti talk. Her head was still spinning and Luz didn't seem to realize what her sister had just told her. It felt like a dream more than anything else. "We could." She mumbled, still staring at their hands. "You just don't want to."
Koti looked down at their hands then back up to meet Luz's gaze, only now she was refusing to look at Dakota. At her sister's comment, she couldn't help but sigh heavily. "I never said I didn't want to, Luz. I just can't." She could feel her eyes brimming with tears but she held them back. "But you have your dream girl, right? I don't think you need me."
Luz turned around to grab the beer bottle and pouted when she saw that it was empty. It was sad, because seeing how the conversation was evolving, Luz was going to need a lot more alcohol to get through it. The tears were threatening to come back and Luz was now nervously rubbing her hands on her thigh as if it was going to make her feel better. "You can't just tell me that you love me back and then say that you can't do anything about it." She said, biting her lip as hard as she could not to cry. "My dream girl is sitting in front of me right now and I apparently am never going to have her so." She shrugged.
Koti hated seeing her sister like this, especially knowing it was her fault that she was. If no other factors played a part in whether they were together or not, she knew that she'd be with Luz in a heartbeat. But there was another factor, a huge one and not one that she could easily eliminate. At this realization, as much as she tried to fight it, she couldn't. She felt the tears began to stream down her cheeks and she didn't bother to hold back. Why did this have to be so hard? "I know you want me to leave her but I don't think I can, baby girl." She nervously bit her lower lip as she ducked her head to try to hide her tears.
Luz felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. Crying was one of the things she hated the most. Quinn had been the only one who had ever seen her cry and Luz would've liked for it to stay that way. She hadn't been expecting this. Luz silently got up of the bed, wiping her tears as she was kneeling down in front of her bag to get herself another bottle. "Do you really think that I want you to leave?" She said, opening the bottle. "I don't." She added as she was getting up. "But you will leave anyways so it's not like my opinion matters."
Koti watched the girl as she walked over to her bag. She really didn't want to have this conversation if they weren't completely sober but a drunken person' words were always a sober one's thoughts. "I just don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. With me gone, you'll soon forget about me and find someone better. And as much as it hurts to think of you with someone else, I can't expect you to wait around forever. You'll thank me eventually." She knew it'd be hard leaving her sister behind, but if that's what it took for them to both eventually be happy, she'd do it.
Luz brought the bottle to her lips to take a sip but ended up chugging it entirely. At this point, all she wanted to do was to black out without remembering all of the words that had been coming out of her sister's mouth. "Are you retarded or what?" She asked, turning around to face her sister. Luz knew that doing so meant that Koti was going to see her cry but she didn't care anymore. "How could I ever forget about my own sister?" She said, putting the empty bottle on Santana's desk. "I don't think that you realize what I meant when I told you I loved you."
Koti "Maybe I am and maybe you are too 'cause normal people don't fall in love with their sisters." Her eyes made the mistake of meeting the other girl's and she quickly looked elsewhere, not being able to handle her sister crying. "What do you want from me, Luz? I'm trying to do the right thing here."
Luz decided to sit on the floor. That way, she just had to extend her arm to grab a beer. And that's what she did. Her head wasn't hurting as bad anymore but Luz was definitely starting to get drunk. No matter what people thought, she was a stoner, not a drinker and she wasn't used of drinking as much as she had ever since she had left for California the week before. "You always think that you're doing the right thing but you're not thinking about yourself when you're saying that." She said, wiping her eyes. "And you're not thinking about the baby either."
Koti shrugged, taking the drink from her sister and placing it out of her reach. "You're right, I'm not. Because I'm thinking about you right now and what's best for you. No matter what, my baby boy and l will be okay." She moved to sit next to Luz, focusing all of her attention on her. "Tell me what /you/ want."
Luz didn't show any sign of resistance when Koti took away her bottle. Instead, she lifted her eyes to look at her. It was probably the last chance she had to do that, why not take advantage of it? "You have no idea what's best for me." She said, "All I wanted was to save money for your kid and raise it with you." She added, crossing her arms over her chest. "When you told me you were pregnant, you were basically telling me that I had a future. I've always thought I didn't and all of a sudden you were giving me something to live for."
Koti "You still do have a future. I'm not taking that away. You're gonna be his auntie, and you're my sister, so you're always going to be a part of our lives."Dakota reached forward and took Luz's hand in her own. "That's what you want, right?" She gave the girl's hand a slight squeeze. "You're always going to be the second best person in his life, if you want to be, that is."
Luz kept on wiping her tears as they were coming out of her eyes. "I don't want you to leave. I want you to keep living with me in the apartment I got for us." She said, looking down at Koti's hand that had just grabbed her's. "If Brooke makes you happier than I do, I'm pretty sure that I can live with that. I already am." She added. "But I know that I can't be happy if you're that far away from me."
Koti sighed, thinking over what her sister was saying. Things would be so much easier if she could just morph both Brooke and Luz into one person. "Let me think about it, alright? I'll think about it and I'll let you know. Is that okay?" She asked, hesitantly. She already had to choose who she'd rather be with, now she had to choose who she'd rather live with. She had already hurt her sister with her first choice (even If technically she hadnt chosen yet) This definitely wasn't going to be easy.
Luz took a deep breath and wiped her eyes one last time before nodding at her sister's question. "If you really were in love with me you wouldn't have to think about it." She said. "And if you really loved Brooke you wouldn't have fallen for me in the first place." She added, looking down. "Can you give me my beer?"
Koti "It's not my fault that I have feelings for both of you. If it was my choice, I wouldn't have feelings at all." Koti knew her sister was speaking the truth but she didn't wanna accept it. At her sister's request, she obliged and handed her the bottle. "I think I'm gonna go." She stated, no longer really in the mood for their discussion. "Can I hug you, please?"
Luz shook her head as she was listening to her sister talking. She then silently extended her arm to grab the bottle and took a couple of sips before lifting her eyes to meet her sister's. "That would be a good idea." She answered. And when Koti asked for a hug, Luz nodded and put the bottle on the floor next to her.
Koti leaned forward and pulled the other girl in for a tight embrace. It lasted for longer than necessary but she wasn't sure the next time she'd be able to, so she was going to cherish that moment. After a while, she pulled away and stood up from where she sat. "I'll see you later, okay?" And with that, she gathered her things and made her way to and out of the door, completely unsure of where they stood but it was better than before and for that, she was grateful.
