#holdlight

[evcryopeneye]

@holdlight​ asked: ❛ remember what you are, and what you’re not. ❜

Honestly, if you asked Zizhen to wrack his brains, he couldn’t ever pick you out a time where they had ever had a conversation. He’d always just put it down to Hanguang-Jun simply being the utterly silent type. Really, it could only have been a matter of time, his son was one of his best friends. Lan Jingyi, as much as it pained Zizhen, he deeply cared about him too, Jin Ling he’d known since childhood. The four of them were a team, abandoning the idea that Night Hunting was a competition, but rather an excuse to spend time with each other and to do something beneficial for people. Zizhen, grabbed every opportunity he could.

Things were tense at home, and yet he smiled, laughed with his friends...while questioning if he was up to the task. His stunt on the pier hadn’t come without it’s price. The moment they had finally got home, his father had laid into him. The lecture went on far longer than he expected around the dinner table. A long verbal shredding over how he had embarrassed them and he couldn’t understand why he’d raised someone so petulant, who had learned to use his tongue more than his sword. He was growing into a bad cultivator. How he worried that when Zizhen became Sect leader, it would be an embarrassment.

Hanguang-Jun’s remark made his head snap to him, so fast Zizhen almost gave himself whiplash, before he looked away. Truth be told, Zizhen thought that no one had noticed the subtle shifts in personality, how he had begun to quieten, he’d rather listen to his friends conversations than take part in them. He was foolish to think hiding things was easy. While Zizhen knew he should let it go, that it was simply his old man being angry he’d been on the wrong team. No matter how confident you were, other people's doubts easily creeped in.

“I try.” The answer is quiet, like he’s almost afraid of the conversation being overheard. “It’s just...hard sometimes.” There was a certain safety with Hanguang-Jun though, as if Zizhen knew he wasn’t going to ever repeat this to anyone else. “I’m sure he will always have his opinions about me, but...that’s how he is. I can’t do anything about it.”

[yuexins]

𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙽𝚄𝙴𝙳 𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼 𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙴,         @holdlight

the marbled cup in his hand almost threatens to collapse into finely ground dust at lan wangji’s nonchalant response,   at how seems to be at ease with the idea of jiang cheng not trusting him any longer-   or,   for that matter,   anyone in the cultivation world who had been alive thirteen years prior.   is it because of wei wuxian,   he wonders bitterly;   is it because of the one who had turned his back to both of us to pursue something much darker   &   then,   in the process,   die along with it?   jiang cheng cannot fathom lan wangji’s sense of devotion to such a man   &   instead of breaking the cup,   he sets it down with a heavy noise coupling with a bitter laugh.

“   you-   hanguang-jun,   ”      the young sect leader starts out slow,   cold smile gracing his harsh features.      “   you are at peace with everyone refusing to see you in the same light as they once used to?   for who?   ”      another laugh rings out ‘tween the two   &   his gaze cuts from cup to passive expression before him.      “   for the one you roam the lands for?   did he not betray you too?   ”

to ground himself   &   his emotions,   a thumb begins to trace o’er the carved edges of his ring,   inhaling shakily.   to be so devoted,   so loyal,   to a single person for so long   ...   jiang cheng wants to laugh.   what a pitiful sight.      “   who is to say he will even return-   &   if he does,   who is to say that i will not get to him before you?   ”      a challenge sparks out at his own behest,   tilting his chin upwards a bit with a smile that does not reach his eyes.

[wonderstxrs]

“you’re home. you’re safe.” (wuxian♡)

post - trauma sentence starters // @holdlight​

‘‘Aiya, Lan Zhan !’‘ he whines, hand clutching to his chest. ‘‘I told you . . . you can’t say things like that. My weak heart can’t take it, you’ll kill your poor husband !’‘ shaking his head. ‘‘Unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable . .’‘ Despite his whining and tauntings, he knew Lan Zhan had a point though. Even if the Cloud Recesses didn’t feel like his home, even if he still missed the Lotus Pier and... Jiang Cheng. But he worded it wrong, neither of these places are his home. Wherever Lan Zhan is, is where Wei Wuxian belongs - that is his home. Of course he didn’t know how to say something like that, so he did what he was best at. . messing around. 

‘‘Eh, Lan Zhan . . since I’m cultivating Mo Xuanyu’s golden core, I’ll need to have more challenges then the juniors.’‘ He’d refused to train with Lan Zhan, he wants to be back where he used to be before he’ll face his husband. He can win, and he will. He’d been able to hold his own well on Night Hunts, and with the other Gusu Lan disciples. He felt like he was ready to face his own golden core, and depending on how that goes - he’ll sparr with Lan Zhan. ‘‘I know you and Jiang Cheng are still at odds,’‘ hell. . so was Wei Wuxian, they were strangers with a past at best. But he’s the eldest, he’ll keep trying until A-Cheng let’s him back in. ‘‘but, you’ll join me - won’t you Lan Zhan?‘‘ Hand placed on his husband’s shoulder, tugging playfully on the ribbon of his robes. His lowerlip pulling up in a pout. ‘‘It’s very important you join me,’‘ he exclaims. ‘‘I need someone to be able to tell how I beat my own golden core, heheh.’‘ he chuckles. Even if Jiang Cheng refuses to duel, it’s easy to get under his skin. There’s no doubt in Wei Wuxian’s mind that he’ll get what he wants.

[wonderstxrs]

@holdlight​​ send: “I know which stars to follow home.”

‘’Ai, you sure Lan Zhan? Seems the stars brought you to me. . .’’ Wei Wuxian should be taking this more seriously then he was, but he didn’t want to dwell on how it made him feel to think of Lan Zhan somewhere where he’s not. He’d gotten so used to having Lan Zhan by his side, that he’d never begin to consider he might miss his home --- much like Wei Wuxian once had. Back when he’d been living at the Burial Mounds, before Jin Zixuan’s death, before Shijie’s- before Nightless City, before all of this. He could never keep Lan Zhan from his home, from the path he needs to take. Even if it meant that would take Lan Zhan from him.

He was much more mature now, though, then what he used to be. Circumstances made him so. But now with the truth out in the open, Jin Guangyao no longer around to scheme and manipulate, or fool anyone . . . a certain weight was lifted off of him. He can focus on traveling the world, naturally he would find time to visit Lan Zhan and A-Yuan. Meet up with Wen Ning, depending on where his path takes him. 

[difficulttoforgive]

    yes i would love to write anything other than wangxian. sorry to everyone that isn’t cher ig

[difficulttoforgive]

    @holdlight said !  ❛ i missed you every hour ❜

    IT SEEMS A SILLY THING TO ASK. Did you miss me ? But it is late and he is restless and keenly aware in retrospect of the aching which had haunted all he can remember of his life, and he is sure must have been present for what he cannot. It seems strange to imagine a child filled with longing, but he thinks it’s true anyway. He can’t see himself in a state of fulfillment in a world where he lacks Wangji by his side.

    “ OH. ” It’s soft, more of an exhale than anything else. Lan Zhan’s heartbeat is a steady rhythm beneath his ear and it soothes him, grounds him while helping to slow his own pulse. Despite asking he doesn’t know exactly what to say, stalls for time by pressing his face more solidly against his skin, nuzzling softly. “ Oh, ” He says again and tightens his hold on Wangji’s waist. It’s not often he’s the one left speechless.

    “ EVERY MOMENT you’re not here with me my soul aches, ” Wei Ying says eventually, quiet and almost insecure. As if Lan Zhan had not just admitted the very same thing. “ Even last time, before I ever knew you I knew something was missing. I FELT IT, at least, even if I didn’t know. ”

[cascadingsorrows]

holdlight said:

“you’re not fine. and you don’t have to pretend that you are with me.” (xichen)

Lan Xichen stared at his brother for a moment before closing his eyes and letting a puff of laughter out, he could feel the swell of pride for his younger sibling, yet his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes anymore. “Wangji, sometimes I forget that you’re no longer that little boy, eager to see mother and show her your new texts.” He whispered as he turned to fully face the other. 

“You shouldn’t have to worry about me, I’m the eldest therefore I have to worry about you not vice versa.” Although he was speaking nonsense he didn’t want Wangji to see him at his lowest. He didn’t want you brother to see him broken, suffering, and think of him differently. 

He was afraid. 

He reached out with his right hand to indulge and placing it on his brother’s shoulder, a comforting squeeze accompanying the touch in a silent thank you, “You’re right, I’m not fine and I don’t think I will ever be again but I have to be strong, as a Sect Leader, Heir, and your elder brother...my turmoil's they have to be pushed aside, I can’t...seem weak.” 

[cascadingsorrows]

holdlight said:

“ here, i made you some tea. ” (yanli)

Yanli looked up and smiled softly, “Hanguang-Jun, oh thank you.” She accepted the tea with gentle hands, “This is wonderful surprise Second young master Lan.” she laughed softly as she took a sip of the tea. 

Now that she was busy in Lanling, preparing her wedding, she hardly had time to seek out her younger brother. Just hearing all the rumors and stories about him broke her heart and she only wished that they would stop seeing him in a negative light. “Second young master... tell me, have you seen Xianxian?” the worry was evident in her voice as she looked down at her lap. 

“I worry about him, I wish I could go and see him but-” she paused as she looked around her new home, a home she wished she could share with her siblings, “-I can’t leave.”