#holy vent

[icingsugar-arii]

How it feels to eat a sweet treat right after genuinely considering suicide

[icingsugar-arii]

Failed geometry again + have my APES test tomorrow + just relapsed chat is this my sign to do a medicine cabinet mukbang or WHAT 😂

[rainbowslugger]

yeah this vent about dating and relationships got too long

my friend was upset he got unmatched on a dating app after having a good convo and i just. every match i’ve ever gotten on any dating app (i got desperate for a while) unmatched me. i had never made it through a conversation. i’d get unmatched before messaging. i’d get unmatched after the first message. i’ll be unmatched before two texts from either of us were sent. it just makes me mad cause EVERYONE i know who’s used ANY DATING APP HAS GOTTEN TO A TALKING STAGE!!! not even serious or whatever i don’t get past the first couple of texts bro it makes me so fucking mad. i thought it was cause i was weird and black but my friend is TOO and they’re even more out loud on his account and he’s gotten so much more attention and it’s just. i had to delete dating apps multiple times throughout my adult life cause of how shit i’d feel. wow everyone and their mama gets matches and people who talk to them but i’m over here with fucking nothing. even the app (can’t remember the name) where people have to like your profile/pics to be a possible match, i got none for a fucking month. i didn’t even get sexualized or fucking anything. i was active and i still didn’t get a single person. that is such a horrible feeling. i grew up being the only girl who never got asked out. this one guy went around the entire year and asked EVERY SINGLE GIRL BUT ME. i’ve been broken up with/rejected because of me and who i am (all have explained different things and no matter how much better i get there’s always a fucking reason). do you know how awful that is? who cares that people think i look cool and my hair is cute. no one ever finds me desirable enough to keep around. i can’t even say im an unwanted black girl when its proven its me multiple times.

[smallpossesedchild]

I fucking hate the curse of educating myself and forming my own opinions on controversial topics because im always in the middle of both extremes and its like if i try to dismantle the misinfo on one side the other is going to think im on theirs but im not!!!!!! EVERYONES WRONG BECAUSE THEY DIDNT READ A SINGLE FUCKING RESEARCH ARTICLE ABOUT THE TOPIC THEIR ARGUING ABOUT AND JUST GOING BASED ON "whatever makes me feel uncomfy is bad, and whatever i like is good"

Tl;dr: closely tieing your emotions to an opinoin will make it feel like a personal attack when someone disagrees (or even worse, trys to correct some of your information [their questioning your intelligence obv])

Hashtag anti-intellectualism hastag i wish schools were better :(

[sergeanthatredbignaturals]

Gnawing on the iron bars of my enclosure wtf is wrong with me

God I don’t even know how to put this into words, but letting it fester is making me feel nauseous so shouting into the void it is

I’m so unbelievably insecure about posting shit about my characters (let’s be real this is about Joan) because like.. I barely draw, and most people only seem to care about oc posts when there’s art to accompany it, but I highkey hate how most of my art comes out looking so I dont exactly have much motivation to draw and like

God I hate being this open on main holy SHIT

I compare myself WAY too much to other Outlast OC posters, but like

I just want people to care about my little guy, I care so much about her, this bitch takes up every ounce of space left in my brain, so it just kills me a little when I post about her and literally no one fucking cares

Last 2 posts about her have one like between them man, and the posts about her from before that were doing way better, and it’s making me feel like I did something wrong? Somehow? You cant half tell I’m used to people ignoring me when they’re upset, huh?

Like there’s one person who consistently likes my OC posts, and part of me is excited someone cares, and part of me is worried they’re just liking my posts while looking through the Outlast tags and not/barely reading them

I just want a couple people to care, basically

This is probably just spurred on my the fact that I’m just generally doing worse lately, mentally and physically, either way that can’t be helping

Something something I’m turning 18 and I’m too physically well to have attended school for the last year, my friends dropped me, and I’m scared of how my life’s going to go

Again, can’t be helping

It’s probably just that everything’s built up, and people suddenly not caring at all about my shit is just kinda the final nail in the coffin here LMAO

Anyway, I’m done pitying myself/ref

For now at least

Rambling over

I’m realising now that this just boils down to “I need validation”…