"grumpy's fucking thirst" - oh my god, I missed it but now I can't unsee it, lmao
i’ve been staring at Grumpy’s face in that scene for a long time. He wants the pirate so bad. I have some gif sets which show it even more that I cannot resist reblogging.
Okay, well, since my dear bicycle is - unsurprisingly - in both of these this is a bit like choosing between Grumpy and Charming. And I’d pick Grumpy. Charming is pretty, but, oh, I think Grumpy is hot.
(I have a thing for short men. Let me talk to you about Gaius Baltar sometime.) And Grumpy’s love for the pirate is so tragic. The pirate doesn’t even know he exists! And Grumpy Hook is such a ghost ship. I’m more or less the only person to ever write it despite Grumpy’s canon yearnings.
However, Operation Mongoose gave me so many Captain Charming feels. I’ve thought about it before. David has a bit of the thing for Killian in Being for the Benefit of Mr Gold and, well, I have sort of started writing a thing I have no intention of writing, so:
Ok. Fine. Yes. I'm intrigued. I had no idea people shipped Grumpy and Hook but I just read your oneshot and it (strangely) worked! If your muse strikes, do please write a longer CaptainGrump story!
Oh, ‘people’ do not ship Grumpy and Hook. Believe me. They really do not. Pretty much the only fic is that one I wrote and it only gets hits from people who are just curious as to what the fuck is going on.
But I ship Hook with EVERYONE and Grumpy just WANTS him, but I’ve given up converting anyone. You’re my first.
And so, with all that in mind, much as the utter fucker in me wants to create a 100k long Hook x Grumpy story. I probably won’t. Probably. But I am so glad to hear it worked. (So few people have even read it I sometimes wonder.)
Its strange, because I've thought about this pairing on more than a few occasions and this is pretty much precisely how i see their dynamic. Lovely as always, ;) x x
I'm always surprised when anyone mentions anything about this pairing at all. No one ships this, or wants it, or has thought about it, was the main thing I was thinking when I wrote it. So I am genuinely surprised you've thought about at all. Then again, if I was to pick someone who might have....
But, the more I think about it, the more I think this is the only dynamic for them. And it is v pretty to me. I really liked writing the bits where Hook is threatening Grumpy if he doesn't treat him shitty enough.
When the curse broke he went to find Nova, first - Astrid - but all the fairies, Blue had explained, earnest on the threshold, we’re keeping their vows and remaining at the convent. Astrid, she’d said, was part of the closed order, now, and wouldn’t see him, or anyone, and that was that.
And it’s a funny sort of thing, to find out one day that you’re not actually a person, even. You’re some other sort of thing. He supposes that’s also true of the fairies. Although maybe the fairies always knew they were fairies. They weren’t really saying. Especially the ones in the ‘closed order’. But the fact is, faced with something like that, a man might do all kinds of things. A man who isn’t even a man, even.
But what that all meant, really, what it meant was that night, he was feeling strange. He was soaked in drink of course, he always was. He was down at the docks, at night, because he had thought looking at some water might help him understand who he was or what was happening to him or, anything really.
But it didn’t help. The water didn’t help.
And so he turned around and he was going to leave. And that was when he saw him - disembarking from a ship Leroy had never seen. Leroy liked ships. Leroy had always wanted a ship like that.
But Leroy wasn’t looking at this ship at all.
Leroy watched the man walk away. And he couldn’t say quite what it was that made him follow after him. He was handsome, but Leroy had seen handsome men before, learned not to trouble them. Handsome men weren’t for the likes of him, anymore than fairies or princesses were. The man wasn’t tall. Leroy didn’t have a thing about tall men. He’d seen taller, certainly. But what Leroy did have, if he was pressed, what he maybe did have, was a thing about men who were the right size.
Following people wasn’t a particular skill of Leroy’s. And tonight, drunk and careless, he didn’t even bother to hide what he was doing. They hadn’t gone more than a few yards when the man turned around with a fucking sword in his hand and said, “You’ll stop bloody following me now, mate, alright?”
And Leroy said, “Or what?” Almost not believing it, even as he heard the words.
The pirate took half a step back. His expression changed. Suddenly he was assessing Leroy as a potential threat. “Or I’ll bloody run you through,” he said, more carefully. “Now get lost.”
Leroy was emboldened that night by existentialism and alcohol. He wasn’t sure which was the cause of what he said next, but he's said it. he said, “How about I run you through?”
Because what was he going to do? This pirate? He was, of course, a pirate. Kill Leroy? Leroy wasn’t even real.
There was tiny flicker in the pirate’s eyes, a little clench of his jaw. Such things should have been undetectable in the dark. Perhaps Leroy imagined them. Perhaps not. The pirate said, “I’m busy.”
“I know,” said Leroy. “I’m what you’re busy with.” At least, someone said that. Leroy couldn’t quite believe it had been him.
“What? Are you seriously…? You’re a dwarf.” He paused. His eyes went narrow. “Why are you here, dwarf? There’s no magic in this land.”
“You’re a bit behind the times,” said Leroy. “New in town? I could get you up to speed about all the ins and outs of this place, in return for a little nautical hospitality.”
“Nautical… Ins and outs, indeed.” The pirate smiled. “I have always wondered about dwarves. Are you…” He looked at Leroy’s groin. “You don’t really need them, do you?”
Leroy tilted his chin up, tried to look a little larger. “Only one way to find out, pirate.”
Leroy held his breath waiting for the decision. Which came with a smile, and an eyebrow, a sword clanging to the ground and the words, “Okay. Quickly.” And Leroy lunged forward, as the pirate bent himself almost double, and kissed him. It was a hard, hungry kiss. Leroy grabbed the pirate’s lapels and held him down. Making him bend further. They were both hurried, trying to get the other as ready as quickly as they could, so it was rough; bites and bruising and rough skin scratching across tender spots. The pirate was gasping down into Leroy’s mouth so quickly that he thought he must not be the only one who was desperate for this touch.
He hadn’t noticed the hook until it slid down his back, a rough scratch even through his jacket. The pirate’s lips found his ear, “You’d better he good at this, dwarf. I’d better not be wasting my time on you.”
“You’ll see,” sneered Leroy. He raised his hands to the pirate’s hair, gripped tight and dragged him down further, making him hiss, until he went to his knees, under Leroy, and he could bear down on him with his mouth. “Yes.” The pirate shuddered. “Yes, like this. Bloody hold me down, dwarf. Make me feel it.”
Leroy kissed the Pirate hard, forcing him to bend himself backwards. He was bracing himself on his right arm behind him, when Leroy breathed “Fucking turn over.”
“No,” snarled the pirate. “I want to look at you. A fucking dwarf. It’s disgusting.” He squirmed around until he was sitting, knees hitched up, legs spread under Leroy’s. “I like it rough, dwarf. Can you do that?”
I’ll do what I want,” Leroy muttered. He was kneeling between the pirate’s legs and as he dipped his head to bite the pirate’s neck, the pirate groaned and ground his crotch onto him, tipping his head back.
“Oh yes,” the pirate said. “Harder. Harder than that, you fucking dwarf.”
Leroy snarled against the pirate’s flesh and bit much harder.
When Leroy had placed livid marks all over the pirate’s neck he moved to his chest and bit and licked him there, while he keened and squirmed and bucked his obvious erection into Leroy’s thigh. The pirate’s head rolled against the planking. “Hit me, dwarf,” he moaned. “Hard. Fucking slap me, bloody hell, do it.”
“Oh yes.” Leroy sat up and pulled his hand back. He snarled as he did it. The pirate gasped. Leroy had hit him hard enough to make his head spin to the left. Leroy felt the pirate’s hips jolt. “So that’s how you want it?”
“Yes. Fuck yes.” Leroy saw the pirate swallow. “Fucking spit on me. Spit in my face. Hit me again. Come on, dwarf. What are you worried about? You’re not going to fucking break me. Fucking hurt me.” And then his eyes went dark. “I don’t matter,” he said. “Make me feel like it.”
“You’re in the right place then,” Leroy said quietly.
The pirate was writhing on his back now. He stretched his hands up above his head, and something about the way he did that made he pretty clear he was going to keep them there. “There’s a knife, a knife in my b-belt. Use the knife…. Please.”
Leroy’s dick had been hard enough to make his breathing frantic before, but at the mention of the knife, he gasped. He hadn’t expected this, but he wasn’t sure what he’d expected. He found the it, quickly, his hand grazing the pirate’s jerking erection as he reached for it. He grasped the hilt with shaking hand.
“Where do you want…” But when he looked over, the pirate was lifting his chin.
The pirate gasped when Leroy pressed the knife to his throat. “Yes. Yes,” he breathed. Hips jerking. “Now tell me you are going to fuck me, and when I say ‘no’, make me.”
Leroy almost came right then. “Jesus,” he breathed, looking down at the pirate beneath him with the knife to his throat. He took a moment to gaze upon the handsome face, lips parted, cheeks flushed, whole body squirming. He pressed his face close. “I’m gonna fuck you, now,” Leroy snarled.
“No, please,” the pirate was straight to begging, “please don’t. Don’t do that to me. Please, dwarf.”
“Tough,” Leroy jammed the knife harder against the pirate’s throat. “I’m going to do whatever I want to you. Open your mouth.”
The pirate’s hips were bucking up of the ground. “W-what?”
Leroy pressed closer and licked across the pirate’s lips. “I said,” he whispered, “open your fucking mouth.”
There was a defiant pause, and then the pirate slowly opened his mouth.
And Leroy spat right in it.
The pirate groaned in response. “Yes. Again,” he murmured, “Do it again.”
Leroy grabbed the pirate’s jaw, “Stop telling me what to fucking do. Get your breeches down.”
“No,” the pirate half-sobbed, back to begging now, “please don’t do that. Please don’t.”
Leroy took a little pressure of the knife blade and let it trace down the pirate’s throat, over his chest - all the time the pirate just staring at him, panting - over the fancy waistcoat he wore, until the knife was pressing against the hard bulge of his cock. “You don’t seem like you don’t want it,” Leroy said, casually. The pirate’s wide-eyed response looked like real fear. “Not that it makes any difference. Now, get these open or I slice them open. Your choice.”
The pirate gave Leroy that defiant stare again, then reached down and begin to unfasten his breeches. Leroy climbed off his to give him space to slide them down, pull off his boots and then strip away everything he wore below the waist to the night sky. Leroy’s breath caught a the sight. He wanted more, but he knew he’d be pushing his luck to try and get this strange creature completely naked for him.
The pirate was sitting now, half-naked, looking at him.
“Lie down then,” said Leroy. “But you hands back where they were and open your legs for me.” He was still holding the knife. The pirate’s eyes were on it as he lay back and Leroy crouched down.
The pirate pulled a bottle of oil from his pocket and held it out to Leroy as exactly the same time as Leroy pulled a sachet of lube from his own. “Mine’s better,” said Leroy, taking the oil and stashing it in a pocket.
“What is that? A parchment?” said the pirate, as Leroy tore the sachet open with his teeth and wiped a handful of lube over is dick.
“Better than oil is what it is,” said Leroy, with the oddest thought then that quite a few things about this life were better than his old one, not just the lubrication options. He spread a little more of the lube in his fingers, leaned forward and pressed one into the pirate.
The pirate instantly resounded with the almost familiar. “No, no, please. Not that. Please not that. Hit me again, but don’t do this to me, dwarf.”
Leroy had placed the knife down to lube himself. He scrabbled for it cack-handed. Two fingers of his right hand in the pirate. Despite that, he managed to wield it rather well, pushing it up to the pirate’s neck firmly enough that he had to raise his chin. “Keep quiet,” Leroy hissed. The pirate’s hips jerked hard, Leroy thrust his hand in harder and was rewarded by a long conflicted cry of pleasure.
Leroy had a condom in his pocket too, but both his hands were occupied and he couldn’t imagine how he would ever explain such a thing, so he slipped his finger free and thrust into the pirate bare. Quick and hard.
“No, no, please,” the pirate wailed.
Leroy tossed the knife and it skittered across the ground. He placed each hand on one of the pirate’s shoulder to fuck him better and harder. At each thrust the pirate moaned and spread his legs wider, then he whispered. “Fucking choke me. Do it now.”
Leroy paused. “Are you sure?”
“Do it now, dwarf,” the pirate snarled. “Do it now or they’ll find your body washed up on the beach.”
Leroy moved is hands to the pirate’s neck. At the first touch there the pirate gasped, hips slamming down even harder to meet Leroy’s cock each at thrust. Leroy squeezed tighter. “Yes, yes,” the pirate managed, his voice fading, squeezed under Leroy’s grip. Leroy squeezed tighter and the pirate couldn’t breathe at all.
Leroy was close to coming now. The pirate was thrashing around under him gasping for air and his struggles made the whole thing doubly arousing.
He felt the pirate’s dick spasm under him then, jerk and spill in time with a particularly vicious squeeze of the pirate’s neck. And that was the missing piece. Leroy shot himself inside the pirate’s body, crying out and then pressing his mouth down for a long, surprisingly soft, kiss.
After a moment the pirate started to cough. Leroy lifted his head. “You okay?”
The pirate coughed again. “Yes, mate. Yes,” he said. “Always happens.” He banged his chest with is fist, then he sat up, hardly noticing the way Leroy slid off his body on to the ground, and got shakily to his feet. He pulled on his breeches and boots in silence, not making eye contact. He picked up the knife and slipped it back into his belt. He sheathed the sword that had been dropped. Finally, all put back together, he looked at Leroy.“Thanks for that, mate. It’s been a while.” And that was it.
Leroy nodded, said nothing, and watched him walk away. What else was he going to do? Take him home to meet Snow White?
*
A/N I never meant to write this. I just like these pictures. And then I was writing it. And all I meant to write was sad Grumpy has a crush. And then an anon person reminded me that Hook always has to be on the bottom, always,, but I didn’t want a dom!Grumpy with a crush as that seemed squicky to me. (I find a lot of dom male characters squicky.)
So I wiggled it around and ended up with this pushy bottom/reluctant-but-into-it top thing, which I found surprisingly hot. So that’s nice. There are lots of ways to write d/s, I guess. EVEN I still find new ones.
And I am sorry for how this starts out so pseudo intellectual then drops off a PORN CLIFF. Just kinds happened. Oh, and I totally believe they are still fucking, like this, all through canon.
