Odd Stuff with Aud: Hopportunity
I had the very slight honor of sitting down with Nashville’s Hopportunity at the Hopportunity Mansion, also known as lead singer Blake Skinner’s bedroom.
As we waited to start the interview, the band half heartily sang their very own rendition of “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne and Blake impatiently asked, “Can we hurry this up? I’m hungry. Anyone wanna go get food after this?”
Even though Blake is the lead singer of this no-name band, I can feel his Alex Turner persona emerging. Blake’s essence consists of painted pinky nails, late night drives, fast food milkshakes, a deep appreciation for Tame Impala, Mac Demarco and Prince, Marlboro cigarettes and a hopeless romantic soft side overshadowed by bully-esque sarcasm.
The band’s guitarist, Nolan Plummer, has all of the characteristics of an ironically hip alcoholic stepfather, while simultaneously being neither an alcoholic nor a stepfather. His mannerisms are reminiscent of an overcompensating presidential candidate who overestimated his tolerance to marijuana moments before taking the stage for a debate. And somehow he’s capable of making an “everyone-aside-from-myself-is-a-dumbass” attitude and consistent eye rolling subtle, exquisitely tolerable and almost charming. It must be because he’s a Scorpio.
And then there’s Brendan Lank, the bassist. At first impression, Brendan can come across as the timid schoolteacher type, with his soft-spoken voice and noncommittal eye contact, but I promise he’s so much more. He’s actually more of the dad type. The kind you see at theme parks sporting a Cubs baseball hat and Asics running shoes, squinting their eyes, standing with one hand on their hip and with the other hand wiping away the copious amounts of sweat accumulated on their forehead. Note: Sorry Brendan, not meaning to turn away the females. Ladies, he’s single.
In fact, so are Blake and Nolan. The three of them are all super single and super great. So, in honor of their greatness and the fact that they, prior to this interview, have gotten no publicity at all, whatsoever, here is poorly executed non-sense with Hopportunity:
HOW MANY FANS ON FACEBOOK DO YOU GUYS HAVE?
NOLAN PLUMMER: LIKE, 50?
BLAKE SKINNER: 55, TO BE EXACT.
BRENDAN LANK: Y-YEAH…
WHICH MEMBER OF HOPPORTUNITY DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD CELERY JUICE?
NOLAN: BRENDAN.
WHAT ABOUT DIRTY BOXERS?
NOLAN: BLAKE.
BLAKE: OH, REALLY? OUCH.
NOLAN: DO YOU WANT TO LOOK AROUND THE ROOM?
BLAKE: THEY’RE ALL CLEAN. IT’S ALL CLEAN. IT’S JUST ALL OVER.
IF EACH OF YOU HAD TO BE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING THINGS WHO WOULD BE WHAT? A BUTCHER, A SERIAL KILLER AND A DOG WALKER.
NOLAN: BUTCHER (points to Blake), SERIAL KILLER (points to himself), DOG WALKER (points to Brendan).
BLAKE: UH, I WAS THINKING BUTCHER (point to himself), SERIAL KILLER (points to Brendan)…
BRENDAN: NO, I’M DOG WALKER…
BLAKE: DOG WALKER (points to himself). HE’S TOTALLY THE SERIAL KILLER (points to Brendan). LOOK AT HIS SHIRT… IT’S SOMETHING, LIKE, MANSON WOULD WEAR (Brendan is wearing a striped wide collared crème and tan tee, probably from Urban Outfitters).
WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE GENOCIDE?
BRENDAN: …EVERY GENOCIDE…?
NOLAN: THE CAMBODIAN GENOCIDE? PROBABLY. EHHH… LIKE BESIDES THE HOLOCAUST?
NO, THE HOLOCAUST INCLUDED.
NOLAN: OKAY, PROBABLY THE HOLOCAUST.
BLAKE: I DON’T… I DON’T REALLY HAVE AN OPINION ON IT. THEY’RE ALL FINE.
NOLAN: THEY’RE ALL PRETTY COOL I GUESS…
FUCK, MARRY, KILL: QUEEN LATIFA, “QUEEN B,” CELINE DION.
NOLAN: IS QUEEN B BEYONCE?
YES.
NOLAN: UH….
BRENDAN: I’D MARRY QUEEN BAE. I’D… I’D FUCK CELINE DION. AND I’D PROBABLY KILL QUEEN LATIFA.
GROWING UP WHAT COLOR WAS YOUR REFRIGERATOR?
BRENDAN: WHITE.
NOLAN: WHITE.
BLAKE: BROWN.
NOLAN: EW.
IN THE BAND. ROYALTIES.
NOLAN: WE’VE NEVER MADE A DIME.
DO YOU PLAN TO HAVE MORE SHOWS COMING UP SOON?
NOLAN: YES.
BRENDAN: NO.
BLAKE: LOTS. TOO MANY. TOO MANY SHOWS.
NOLAN: TOO MANY SHOWS.
HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOUR PARENTS MAKE?
NOLAN: UH, MY MOM’S RETIRED. SO, NONE.
DO YOU GUYS EVER GET REALLY, REALLY SCARED?
NOLAN: OF THE DARK, YES.
BLAKE: DURING OCTOBERFEST…
NOLAN: IN LARGE… IN LARGE CROWDS, TOO.
BLAKE: IN SMALL CROWDS, YEAH.
IF YOU GIRLS WERE THE POWERPUFF GIRLS, WHO WOULD BE WHO?
NOLAN: UH, I’D BE BUTTERCUP. NO, HE’D BE BUTTERCUP (points to Blake), HE’S BUBBLES (points to Brendan).
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE BUBBLES?
BRENDAN: I COULD BE BUBBLES…
NOLAN: I THINK WE COULD ALL BE ALL OF THEM.
BLAKE: IS THAT SEXIST?
NOLAN: WHAT? NO.
WHAT PHYSICAL FLAWS OR PERSONALITY FLAWS DO YOU THINK CONTRIBUTES TO YOU GUYS’ LACK OF WOMEN?
BLAKE: WOW.
NOLAN: I’M A HUGE ASSHOLE.
IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE YOUR BALLS AS AN EMOTION, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THEM?
NOLAN: THEY’RE FINE.
MELANCHOLY?
NOLAN: MELANCHOLY? I HAVE SOME PRETTY MELANCHOLY BALLS, YEAH.