#horseshitfuckingcall

[savedbyfleury]

we had A Time tonight

[thatssosvech]

[pippitypopadoo]

he might not be too smol in body but he is smol in his whole being. he is a smol bby

@horseshitfuckingcall about Connor McDavid

I have been thinking about this the whole day

[pippitypopadoo]

I miss @horseshitfuckingcall, who is probably tripping over air as we speak

[pippitypopadoo]

surprise prompt fill 1!

prompt: height diff -- “You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help” (x)

pairing: zimbits (omgcp)

For @horseshitfuckingcall​, this is 1 of the 5 prompts I made you choose for me some time ago. I’ve been lightheaded for like hours and then I was like “yes this is exactly the time to write”

The first time

“Woah there, bit too much for breakfast, isn’t this?” came a voice from somewhere to the top of Bitty’s head, maybe a few more inches to the right. If Bitty thought about it, he might have described the voice as kinda deep, kinda slow - but not in a bad way, but in a comfortable honey-rich way. A nice honey voice that’s not too sweet, tinged with just that bit of amusement for flavour. It’s a nice voice, s’all.

But Bitty’s not thinking about it, because Bitty was currently probably buried beneath so many boxes of bran flakes that if all the bran flakes came together, they could probably make some lovely topsoil. Just leave him be and let nature take its course.

Bitty tried to say as much to the kindly man who seemed to be trying to dig him out from the heaps upon heaps of bran, but what came out of his mouth was a mortified squeak when he managed to sit up and push the boxes away from his face and saw that he-

He had utterly humiliated himself to a man whom the heavens had blessed with perfect proportions.

The guy was crouched down beside him, the corners of his eyes crinkling and the corner of his lips raised gently, kindly.  “Are you all right?”

“I, yes, oh, oh dear what a mess, this is humiliating, I’m so sorry you had to see that.” Bitty rubbed his face, then pressed the back of his fingers to his cheeks, already feeling the flush of embarrassment curling up.

“Don’t worry about it, I won’t tell if you don’t,” the guy gave him a smile and immediately began to help clean up the mess on the floor. Bitty blinked and then scrambled up to quickly gather up the boxes upon boxes of bran flakes scattered between the cereal section and muesli bars in aisle 5.

“Oh no no no, it’s fine, I can do this, you don’t have to-”

“It’s fine, it’s fine, more hands make quick work eh? ” His left arm was flexed as they wrapped around the boxes that he had already picked up, toned biceps peeking out from the folded-up sleeve of his plaid shirt. Bitty swallowed. And, oh, he turned slightly and bent forward to reach a box that had skittered a distance away from them and Bitty got an eyeful of the way his jeans wrapped so tightly around his-

Bitty ducked his head before he was caught ogling and shoved some more boxes into the shelves. With the brands matching the tags, of course, because his momma raised him to bring no inconvenience to others when he could help it (Bitty cringed. He wasn’t going to tell her about this, nope).

And then he had to look up again when the guy stood up and up and ohgodhewastall-

Bitty looked, okay, because it was right in front of him, how do you not look. Even Old Blind Jenny from the bookstore would stare at it, before she remembered that jeans were an abomination and she would serve not a single customer who dared brought denim into her shop. In fact, Old Blind Jenny might make an exception for him.

“I think that’s it? Oh wait, one more,” the guy bent over to tease out a sly box that had slid underneath the shelf (and to tease Bitty some more, oh Lord above, all this torture just for knocking a whole shelf of cereal over?) and then slid it neatly into it’s proper place, before dusting his hands. “Nice,” he said, with a pleased smile to himself.

“Thank you, really,” Bitty said, clutching his hands to his chest so that he didn’t do something rash like touch his mysterious benefactor’s arm and then accidentally never let go. “I’m so, so sorry you got roped into this mess- I must have interrupted your shopping! Oh, gosh, I do apologise-”

The guy chuckled and held out his hands. “Really, it’s okay. I was in no rush, I haven’t decided what to make for dinner anyway.”

“Oh! Well, the Haus Diner down Samwell Avenue just started dinner specials some nights ago, they’re not too bad! You wanna go there?” Bitty suggested. And then paused. And then blushed because, “That, that wasn’t like me asking you out for a date or anything! It’s just that my friends have been making me help promote them- Not that I wouldn’t date you or- I mean, you’d probably make a good boyfriend I’m sure, but I’m not, we only just, I mean- ohmygod...” The last three words were muttered into hands pressed against his face. He should have just stayed buried under the bran.

The guy only just laughed though, and when Bitty dared to look at him from between his fingers, he realised the laugh wasn’t bad-natured at all.

“Maybe another time. I’ve got to see my trainer soon, but I might check it out some day.” He gave Bitty another of his kind, crinkly-eyed smiles. “I’ve got to go, so see you around. Watch out for the cereals, eh?”

Bitty stared as the man raised a hand in farewell and walked away. “You think you’re so funny!” he called out to his back, and only got a grin thrown over the shoulder as a response.

The second time

The bran apricot muffins were coming along nicely when the bell at the door chimed. “Welcome to Betsy’s!” he called out, dusting his hands against his apron and he hurried out of the kitchen. A tall figure was hunched over with his hands on his knees, taking a look at the bread and croissants by the display window. A jogger, by the looks of it, with only a plain shirt and sweatpants. When he turned around, Bitty widened his eyes in surprise.

“Oh, hey,” Bran Guy said.

The fifth time

After the third time Bran Guy came by to buy coffee (”Black, please, no sugar.” “How????????”), Bitty learned three things:

1. Bran Guy was actually Jack.

2. When Jack leaned against the counter with folded arms on the counter top, it brought them to eye level. Jack had really nice blue eyes.

3. Jack really, really liked the maple sugar crusted apple pies.

The seventeenth time

Black coffee, please, no sugar didn’t taste that bad when he’s sitting on the counter, Jack between his legs and pressing slow kisses against his lips.

The ???? time

Jack holding Bitty up as he ground their hips together, Bitty clutching his boyfriend (his boyfriend!!!!!) as he breathed against his neck, legs wrapped around Jack’s waist? It’s really, really good.

But it’s even better when hours later they’re on their (their!!!!!!!) shared bed, Jack wrapped around Bitty and lightly snoring. Bitty watched him drowsily, then pressed a kiss to Jack’s chest before closing his eyes.

(AO3)

[pippitypopadoo]

tagged by @beesarealiens​!

Rules: write your URL in song titles (pick every band once!) then tag 10 others

p - Photograph (Ed Sheeran)

i - It’s Time (Imagine Dragons)

p - Pompeii (Bastille)

p - Paralyse (Polarheart)

i - I WIll Follow You Into The Dark (Death Cab for Cutie)

t - Too Hard to Say Goodbye (Westlife)

y - You'll Be Back (Hamilton)

p - Poison & Wine (The Civil Wars)

o - One Day More (Les Mis)

p - Postcards (James Blunt)

a - Apologize (OneRepublic)

d - Ditmas (Mumford & Sons)

o - One Call Away (Charlie Puth)

o - Out of My Hands (Jason Mraz)

i have so many p’s and o’s omg lol thanks kate

i tag umm @horseshitfuckingcall​ @renlylittlerose​

[pippitypopadoo]

1st in @horseshitfuckingcall’s league on my first attempt at the NHL bracket challenge, in my second year in hockey, no biggie

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[pippitypopadoo]

Shlee: i actually checked AND WE DONT HVE ANY HOT CHOCOLATE i drank it all in the winter, i am the architect of my own destruction

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA you sound profound and all that, and yet i have insider information™ that u are a massive dork so i just laugh and laugh at your misery

Me: also i forgot if ur hair parts on the left or right, left??

Shlee: like MY left yeah, WHY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Me: mocking u, obviously

let us pray for @horseshitfuckingcall‘s hot chocolate tragedy to end soon, keep her in your kind thoughts