Hot Lap is so good and engaging but i can’t get over paige calling azzi a cunt and a bitch several times throughout the story. That’s how she speaks to the love of her life…? I would never call my girl that EVER and if i did i would expect to be killed on sight. No respect
I got this ask a few days ago and I’ve been reflecting on it off and on. I actually talked with Family FC and my wife about it because this was a really interesting thought and super different than a lot of the asks that I get. So this is probably going to be long and I apologize for the essay but there’s probably no other subject I would enjoy discussing at length as much as this.
First, I will say that I love the word ‘cunt’. If you (or anyone) haven’t read Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio, I highly recommend. The description of the book is: a 1998 feminist book by Inga Muscio that calls for a breakdown in the boundaries between women and sexuality. In it, the writer hopes to reverse the negative connotations behind female pejoratives.
I read that book when I was in college and it really had a profound impact on my view of what it means to identify as a woman. Now, that is not to say that I’m the arbitrator of what the word means and that I’m declaring it’s alright to use. That’s just a little bit about my personal journey.
Because I love the word 'cunt'.
I think it’s visceral and smokey and spicy and so sharp. As a writer, I use it to compliment, to criticize, as part of seduction, etc. It feels vulgar in such an attractive way. The fact that it refers to the most intimate part of a person is so beautiful, and the word itself is a mix of elegant and powerful on my ears and to my eyes. It’s so visually satisfying. The sound of the ’t’ is both audibly pleasing and an incredibly bold way to end the word. It feels audacious, both in its phonetics and in the phonosemantics of it.
Now, all that being said, it’s also meaningful to me in what ways the word is used within Hot Lap. Every time that Paige thinks about Azzi she does so with love and fondness, even if she’s annoyed or angry or hurting. So when she calls her a cunt in her head narrative - even then, to me, there’s an element of appreciation.
Between Paige and Azzi, the word isn’t hurled in anger (Silverstone, Budapest). If anything, the use of the word in dialogue between them is meant to be layered; you have this word that is so sharp and meaningful in all the ways I said above, AND you have ways in which they care for each other and what exists in the space between them. I find that it harmonizes everything, actually.
Some random thoughts about its usage within Hot Lap:
The way that Paige says it to Azzi is different than how she says it about/to Sophie (Budapest, Mexico City).
The way that Paige says it to Nika about Azzi (Austin) is also so different. Paige uses it when she’s literally asking Nika to take care of Azzi.
And then when Paige says it to Azzi later in that same chapter, she’s saying it in the context of telling the woman she loves to take care of herself and that she’s not treating other people the way she wants to treat them. Because two lines later, there’s this: “I hear you. But one of the best things about you is you’ve never spoken down to people and you’re always teaching them how to be better. They just want to be like you. To learn from you.” That softness is threaded through the usage of the word ‘cunt’ a moment earlier.
And then once again later, the “don’t tell me, be a secretive cunt,” is one of my favorite lines. To me, it’s playful there, bringing levity to the moment between them.
When it’s used at the end of the chapter, in the hotel room, Paige is thinking about Azzi teasing her by wearing a shirt and no bra. And my intention was that it implies that Azzi’s aware of her body and her ability to affect Paige. It also says that Azzi was participating in that heightened sexual tension between them.
For me, the word is used in the context of everything else that’s happening, but most especially the tone of the moment. I think that changes what the word can mean.
This was very long and I apologize, but I got excited. But all to say, however you think or feel about the usage of the word(s) is understandable. This is just my perspective on why it’s included.
And, finally, I would also add that every single use of the word cunt or bitch anywhere within Hot Lap is extremely deliberate. I picked these words and placed them; they aren’t there by accident.
