#how we interact

[misscrazyfangirl321]

There's this weird phenomenon I've observed.

It started with people making fun of how people looked. It's wrong, but it's a very common human experience.

And then there was the backlash to that: The body positivity movement. "You're not ugly! You're gorgeous! Whoever you are, however you look, you're hot! Embrace it!"

And then the backlash to THAT: "I don't have to be attractive to be worthy of respect. I don't need you to tell me I'm not ugly, I need you to treat me as a person even if I am ugly."

But now there's this weird thing where people will call themselves ugly, and get really offended if you disagree or call them attractive.

Like IDK man, you don't have to be attractive to be valuable, but also, maybe some people do just find you attractive? Maybe you're not "objectively ugly" because attractiveness isn't objective, and even if there are some traits that more people tend to find attractive, people are incredibly varied and find different things attractive?

"Why are you getting so upset with me calling myself ugly? There's nothing wrong with being ugly!!"

Okay that's great and all but if I told you I found a flower beautiful and you told me it was ugly, I'd get upset. If I said I liked a shirt and you said it was objectively hideous, I'd be sad.

I'm not obligated to find you ugly just because you find yourself ugly.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

One of the things that has helped me most with the "This person who I know cares about me probably secretly thinks these horrible things about me" problem is imagining that person in front of me, hearing my thoughts.

How would that person feel, knowing I was using their voice in my head to hurt me? How sad and hurt would they be?

"My friend probably secretly hates me and thinks I'm annoying and-" *Pictures them hearing me say that, and looking at me in horrified hurt* "Nevermind. My friend loves me."

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Not to fiancé-post on main, but there's a phrase he uses that has rewired my brain, and I wanted to share it with all of you:

"If that's the worst thing that happens to us today, we're doing great."

Usually, he uses this whenever something inconvenient happens, or whenever I apologize for a small mistake (for instance, a road is closed so we have to detour an extra three minutes, or I accidentally spill his drink).

It isn't dismissive, and it isn't always applicable; we've both definitely had days, separately and together, where the worst thing happens and we AREN'T doing great. But it's just a good reminder to keep things in perspective, and let little things be little things.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

People are complicated.

Grief is complicated.

We can miss the good parts of a relationship but know we'd never go back because the bad outweighed the good.

That doesn't make the grief wrong.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Waiters/waitresses, please do not lie to people about what you're giving them

I know it can be convenient for avoiding Karen Confrontations, but all it takes it lying to one person with a food allergy, and it won't be worth it anymore

[misscrazyfangirl321]

If you want a relationship/marriage, you're allowed to want that.

If you don't want a relationship/marriage, you're allowed to not want that.

Either way is okay. There's no shame in either. No matter who says otherwise.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

I think all human interpersonal relationships would be easier if I simply did not have to think about them

Because thinking leads to Overthinking

But unfortunately not thinking leads to. Yknow. Not remembering. And that makes maintaining friendships hard.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

More Than Friends

Look, I love platonic love.

I love my friends, I love the found family trope, and I love stories with strong platonic relationships.

That said, I'm really puzzled by the objection to the phrase "more than friends."

Because at the end of the day, it is, at least ideally, accurate.

Good, strong, healthy romances start with friendship. And when the relationship becomes romantic, the friendship does not go away. (Again, ideally.)

So "more than friends" would not mean "more important," but it would still be accurate. "There is friendship. Yes. But there is another element as well."

Obviously, it matters how the person saying it means it, but in the end, I think that's the best way of describing romance there is. It isn't friendship>romance, but friendship+romance.

At least that's how it has always read to me.