#howdoyoulikeitnow

[rasheans-blog]

#cathedralofblue #toasted #abitovercooked #netherplains #phantomhost #gueststarring #itstimetotellyouwhoyouare #notverypopular #wutevah #standalone #sharpedges #labelledaswicked #evadingjustice #lonelypeoplehaveitbetter #howdoyoulikeitnow #thatsjustpeanutsforme #sparechange #mydevaluatedwocents (at Toluca Cathedral)

[penzerker]

You Ask Me For My Darkest Secret

You ask me for my darkest secret.

  As If I own it rather than it me.

Like it wouldn't hear me tell you what happened

then like the Boogie Man jump out and kill us both.

"My" secret is the kind that would need to be left

at the bottom of the ocean like an oil spill from my own tainted soul.

Because I don't have the strength to drag it down a Mine-shaft

and bury it with TNT and my own carcass.

No, I would rather take this ugly thing to my grave with me 

Than let it latch onto you as well.

No, "my" darkness does not need to be "our" darkness.

You would say "You can tell me anything." But I really can't,

Because "It" won't let me feel safe with anyone. Ever.

You would say "I can handle whatever it is." But you can't.

Because after hearing "My" Darkest Secret

you would look at me like a homeless person you can't help,

like a puppy at the pound about to be euthanized,

or a fucking 9 year old with the worst kind of cancer you can imagine.

You would say things like, "It wasn't your fault,"

"There was nothing you could do,"

and the worst " I will always be here for you"

Because that one is ALWAYS a LIE.

From The point I would tell you "My" Secret until one of us dies

you would treat me like I am weak, or damaged,

or in such desperate need for help that you either cannot fix me

or feel like a hero just for trying.

Well you have no idea how much strength it takes

just to carry the shadows on my shoulders.

You will never know how much I sacrifice for you not to know.

I Tell you:

            I don't have any dark secrets.