#howtoexist

[impendingcomfort]

Don't hate me for being human, it's my first time.

[trebiene]

Do it or get out.

Why are some parents so caught up in the success or failure of their kid? Is it okay to just exist, in this space? They want to succeed, but aren’t given the right tools to propel them to the top of the hierarchy of greatness. How can we instill confidence in a less-than-confident adolescent? Is it best to push them to their edge, and to justify their struggle as a “learning opportunity”? Or is it best to meet them where they are at and attempt to reconcile learned insecurities? 

I don’t know the first thing about parenting, but I know all about being a kid who was shamed and disciplined for their mistakes. I don’t mean the typical “Oh they snuck out again!” No, I’m talking about the, “I’m confused by my natural, sexual urges and my parent doesn’t know how to deal” shame. The type of embarrassment that lingers with a person for the rest of their life. The type of embarrassment that affects the way they are romantic with future partners. The type of embarrassment that is painful to talk about with current lovers.  It’s only true love if it hurts, right? Hurt can come from a lack of communication, or from something far more intentional in it’s affect. 

But because of everything I have survived, I welcome the hurt.

I welcome the change that comes with pain. I welcome the new insights due to my heightened sense of existence and being. I welcome the uncomfortable feelings as I deal with my own bias. I welcome the numb feeling that comes from being overwhelmed. Doesn’t everyone dissociate when they are upset? I wish it was more accepted to just, exist; to cope.

To myself, because I need to hear this more than anyone:

I am enough.