On the first anniversary of Rowan's death, Alice finds that grief is a lonely thing to carry. Simon shows her she doesn't have to carry it alone.
Alice sat on the small jetty near Hagrid's hut, her boots hanging over the black water as she watched the moonlight tremble across the lake in broken silver. The February cold seeped up through the damp boards and into her bones. She’d come here often since her first week at Hogwarts, back when this place had been a sanctuary from school-sized troubles: Merula’s potion sabotage, corridor whispers, the constant pressure of keeping up. Even the search for her brother had felt like something she could survive.
Now, the lake looked the same, but nothing else did. Today had been the first anniversary of Rowan’s death. One year since the flash of green that had split the darkness of the Forbidden Forest. One year since Rakepick had taken away her best friend. One year since her world had been turned upside down. One year…
People said time healed all wounds, and yet. Even if Rakepick had been caught and left to rot in Azkaban, even if the vaults had all been dealt with, even if she had found her brother, it didn’t change the empty space beside Alice in the library, the missing laugh in the Great Hall, the hole in her heart. Nothing fitted properly anymore.
Her friends had tried. They offered food, jokes, distractions. They avoided any mentions of death, as if it were a hex. They meant well, but the day had felt like a secret she was carrying alone. Charlie had looked at her over breakfast and asked why she was so gloomy. She’d stared at him until he remembered. Even then, his face had only softened in belated understanding.
Only one person actually understood what she was going through, because loss lived in him too…
“Alice?”
Speak of the devil. Her mouth tugged into a thin, rueful almost-smile, akin to a crack in the ice. “You remembered, didn’t you?”
“How could I not.” He stayed standing a few steps behind her, hands in his pockets. “She was my friend too.”
Alice kept her eyes on the lake. If she looked at him, she might unravel. “I know. It’s just… The others don’t seem to—”
Simon lowered himself to sit beside her, the boards creaking softly. “Ben’s been sombre all day. Barnaby spent his entire free period surrounded by crups. And Merula’s barely spoken a word—”
“That’s unusual.” The words came out flat.
“Exactly.” His gaze followed the ripples out into the darkness. “Except for Barnaby, we were all there when it happened. I don’t think that… image will ever fade from our memory.”
Alice’s fingers worried at a splinter in the jetty until it snapped off under her nail. She glanced at him, not a boy anymore, not for a long time. No one at eighteen should have seen as much death as he had, or learned grief so intimately. “Does it ever go away?”
He didn’t need to ask what she meant. He simply shook his head. “Not really. It dulls. But it’s always there, mind you, waiting. The right word, the right light, and you’re back in it.” He paused. “Like a scar. Still there long after you’ve stopped bleeding.”
Alice’s gaze returned to the still surface of the lake. “I’m sorry.”
Simon’s head snapped towards her. “Don’t. Don’t you dare—”
A tear slid down her cheek, warm. She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, resting her chin on top as if it might hold her together. “If I hadn’t gone after those vaults, chased after Rakepick, Rowan would still be alive. Ben wouldn’t be trying to defy death every chance he got. And you…” Her voice cracked. “You wouldn’t have another—”
“Alice, look at me.”
His voice was so steady that her eyes were drawn straight to his.
“Rakepick is the one to blame,” he said, each word deliberate. “She’s the one who betrayed your brother, she’s the one who betrayed you in fifth year, she’s the one who killed Rowan. None of this is on you.”
Alice’s breath hitched. “Tell that to the part of me that keeps replaying that night, over and over,” she whispered. “The green light. Rowan’s face. The way everything just… stopped.”
Something flickered behind Simon’s eyes, like he was watching another memory unfold in the dark. “I know.”
That was Simon: no grand gesture, no hollow comfort. Just him, here.
“I hate that I’m still so angry,” she admitted. “Not just at Rakepick. At everyone who gets to laugh today as if the world didn’t change. At myself for laughing yesterday.”
“You’re allowed,” he said quietly. “To laugh, to cry, to be angry. To forget for a moment. Rowan wouldn’t want you to stop living for her sake.”
Alice blinked hard as her vision blurred. “But when I’m not thinking about it, about her, I feel like I’m leaving her behind.”
“She’s not gone,” Simon murmured. “Not really. Every time you go down a research rabbit hole in the library, that’s her. Every terrible pun you pretend to hate. That’s where she is now. She’ll always be with you, forever.”
A weak laugh escaped her. “That’s terribly cheesy of you, Selwood.”
A faint smile tugged at his mouth. “I have my moments.” He looked out over the water, and for a second, the moonlight caught in his eyes. “Suppose that’s how Rowan stays with me.”
“She did rather have a knack for dreadful one-liners.” Alice closed her eyes, the memory of Rowan’s grin hurting like pressing on a bruise.
They fell quiet. For a long moment they listened to the gentle lap of water against the jetty. Somewhere behind them an owl called, the sound cutting through the night like a thread.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“Beaumont, we’ve already—”
“I’m not apologising for that.” She swallowed. “I’m apologising because I never asked you how you were doing. I just assumed you were… getting on with it. Because you always do. And yet, I’m sure it brought back some painful memories.”
Simon nodded, slow. “It’s not like it suddenly brought back the memory of my parents’ murder; that’ll never go away.” His jaw tightened. “It just brought the grief back to the surface. Hadn’t felt that way in ages.” He let out a shaky breath. “Angry, always, as you know. Some nights I can’t sleep unless I count every breath until morning. And some mornings I wake up and it hits me all over again that they’re all gone, and I have to pretend it doesn’t affect me while I tie my tie.”
“Like this morning?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Like this morning.”
They sat shoulder to shoulder without touching, close enough that the space between them felt deliberate.
“I miss her so much.”
“I know.”
“Sometimes, I find myself wanting to tell her something,” Alice said, staring at the place where moonlight broke on the water. “And then I remember that I can’t.”
“You can talk to me, you know.”
“I don’t want to lumber you with my demons, Simon. You have enough of your own.”
His gaze didn’t waver. “You’ll never be a burden to me, Alice.”
That made her look at him. Whatever was in his face, it wasn't pity, only recognition and understanding that came at too high a price.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Always.”
A/N: Hope you enjoyed yourselves. Well, as much as someone can enjoy a fic revolving around grief. The "first week of Hogwarts" bit is a small reference to this fic.
Came across this post and wanted to use it to flesh out my HPHM MC.
General Information:
Name: Gwendolyn Wordsworth
Age: 13 in 1st Year to 19 in 7th Year / Graduation
Gender: female
Nickname(s): Gwen
Date of Birth: sometime in late July
Astrological / Zodiac Sign: either Cancer or Leo
Ethnicity: white
Nationality: Scottish
Species: witch
Blood Type: unknown
Blood Status: half-blood (mother witch, father squib)
Family: mother, father, brother
Affiliation(s) / Organization(s): none? If there's an organisation of mediwitches, she'll probably join it at some point
Occupation(s): mediwitch
Magical Characteristics:
Form of Boggart: her brother, dead
Form of Patronus: unicorn
Form of Riddikulus: her brother, jumping to life as if just having pretended to be dead, now jumping around in clown-makeup
What do they see in the Mirror of Erised?: being reunited with her brother and having Rowan stand at her other side
Wand(s): (used this article to define it)
-Length: 7 inches
-Flexibility: highly flexible
-Wood: willow
-Core: unicorn hair
Description:
Animagus: a black cat
Amortentia: Snape lol old books, chocolate, and ink
Appearance:
Height: relatively short, around 5'2"
Weight: relatively light but sturdy enough to be an excellent dancer
Complexion (skin tone / conditions): rather pale but fair skin, freckles, no acne (I'm jealous lmao)
Hair Colour / Style: fierce red hair in beautiful short wild curls, framing her face and reaching about to her chin
Eye Colour: grey
Hogwarts Information.
Worst Class(es): History of Magic
Best Class(es): Potions, Herbology
Least Favourite Teacher(s): Professor Binns
Favourite Teacher(s): Professor Snape, Madam Pomfrey, Professor Flitwick
Quidditch: prefers to watch rather than play, though she's currently training to prepare for the selection ceremony for Ravenclaw's team
Favourite Spell(s): accio, episkey, vulnera sanentur, and for duelling purposes bombarda and the pus squirting hex
Trivia.
(random facts about them, future job, face claim, theme song, etc.)
She wants to become a mediwitch. Maybe her theme song could be Maniac by Michael Sembello? (You know, with the love for Dancing and Flashdance and all, ha :D)
✦-✦𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑷𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑯𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝑴𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝑴𝑪 𝑨𝒔𝒌𝒔✦-✦ by stupendousbookworm
Have stumbled over the above-mentioned post and decided to answer them all (or most) to flesh out my player character a little. Put it under a cut since this is a little long, heh.
1. What's MCs favorite subject and why?
She enjoys Potions and Ancient Runes and Astronomy and Herbology. The main reason is that she wants to become a healer one day, another reason is that all of them are so beautifully magical.
2. What does MC think about Dragons?
Dragons are dangerous but extremely cool. She has adopted a few dragons at the reserve for magical creatures in Hogwarts.
3. Did MC get the permission slip for Hogsmeade from the parents without any problems?
Yes! She had to make a few promises not to get into too many shenanigans and then her parents were game.
4. Butterbeer or pumpkin juice?
Butterbeer all the way. Though she wouldn't want to miss her morning pumpkin juice either.
5. Does MC sleep with a stuffed toy?
Nope, she has her black cat Aurélie to cuddle with instead.
6. Sandwiches or soup?
Sandwiches are easier to stuff into your bag and munch on your way to the next cursed vault.
7. Who does your MC hate the most?
Professor Binns, unfortunately. She knows he's not at fault for constantly falling asleep in his own lessons and some sort of ghost narcolepsy situation, but History of Magic would be far less boring if the teacher stayed awake. She doesn't much like Madam Rakepick either because she dislikes her self-important tendencies. Peeves' jokes aren't appreciated by her either.
8. What is MC's weakness?
She has trouble listening to authority, especially if she's told not to do something but her helper's complex tells her to, well, help her friends.
9. What is MC's opinion on magical creatures?
Partially dangerous, very fascinating.
10. Angel or Devil?
Depending on the situation, she can be your angle or yuor devil. ;D
11. Pessimistic or Optimistic?
A bit too optimistic sometimes.
12. Which house does MC find chill?
She likes her own house Ravenclaw, but doesn't mind any of the houses, as long as the people are chill.
13. Selfish or Sharing?
Sharing all the way.
14. How does MC eat kit kat? breaking the sticks or eating it as a whole?
She breaks the sticks apart and pretends to be a vampire for her friends' entertainment, then munches on them stereo-style.
15. What is MC's element?
Air or water maybe?
16. Does MC have a part-time job for money?
Not for money, but she helps out Madam Pomfrey with her friend Chiara sometimes. She wants to become a healer, so that's nice and useful practice, also she learns a lot about cool curses (which she toootally won't use in a duel if need be of course, ahem) and how to counteract them, which is nice for her cursebreaker tendencies as well.
17. Who is MC's heart throb? Why?
She likes Talbott a lot and even told him about it as obliviation practice. He is none the wiser. She likes his self-reliance and the way they can just sit together without there being a need for many words.
Also, she may or may not have a secret crush on her Potions prof. Which he'll never know about unless, you know, he could read minds or something-oh, oops.^^
18. Does your MC like Rowan?
Yes, she appreciates their love for learning and books and their intelligence and their way of just being themself despite others' complaining and nagging them about it. (She may have a slight crush on Rowan, which she only learns about when it's too late.)
19. Who does MC have a platonic relationship with?
She feels like Penny is a bit of a platonic soulmate for her. They share a lot of hobbies (including an interest in Potions and their prof lol).
20. Who's your MC's non-NPC bestie? Any other MC?
Her cat Aurélie. They like to chat from cat to cat whenever Gwen turns into her animagus form.
21. Does MC prefer Muggle or Wizard Music?
She enjoys both, but especially likes Queen. She does love The Weird Sisters though and will always go to their concerts. Also because she wants to see her chupacabra sing with them and will cheer them on. (Maybe in the future she'll visit a certain Yule Ball and dance to their music in secret with her favourite prof where nobody is watching. Who knows...)
22. What is MC's blood status?
Half blood (princess, ha).
23. How is MC's relationship with their family?
She loves them dearly. Had a cheerful childhood until her brother vanished.
24. What does MC think of Muggles/the Muggle world?
She finds them fascinating and is thinking about studying muggle medicine on the side to combine both magic and muggle medicine to help people later.
25. What is MC's favourite magical creature?
She loves her diricawl friend Dio a lot. And her new kelpie friend, Pepita. She also has a love for thestrals, especially her friend Thea. Her most favourite creature may be unicorns though, especially her unicorn friend Amalthea.
26. What's MCs favourite part of the Creature Reserve? (Grasslands, Forest, etc.)
The dark forest. It's so wonderfully creepy, and her favourite creatures are all in there.
27. If MC could be any creature what would it be and why?
No clue. It would be interesting to be a fairy for a day though, as long as she'd be nowhere near the dungeons, their master or a certain cheerful Hufflepuff friend.^^
28. What is MC's favourite season? Why?
Autumn. Halloween is her favourite time. I mean, have you seen the floating candles and pumpkins? She likes to help Hagrid harvest and carve them.
29. Was MC's Patronus what they expected it to be?
She's on the brink of finding out whether her patronus is a creature with hooves and maybe a horn...?
30. Who is MC's favourite Professor?
She appreciates most of them, but her faves would be Professor McGonagall for her wizard chess tournaments and knowledge about animagus life, Professor Flitwick for always being willing to teach her new spells outside of official lessons, Professor Snape for being a hottie keeping cool-headed in dangerous situations, saving her life with Langlock just in time once, and teaching her how to improve her Legilimency and learn rudimentary Occlumency.
31. Who is MC's least favourite Professor?
Professor Binns because he keeps halting their lessons to sleep, which a curious and studious Ravenclaw cannot appreciate.
32. What's MC's favorite thing to do when they hang out with their friends?
Chatting over a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks or over a hot chocolate at Madame Puddifoots' café. Also turning into her animagus form and playing with those of her friends who are animagi too.
33. Does MC like puns?
Hell yes.
34. What's their favorite thing to do when they're on a date?
Stargazing. Dancing. And eating pudding and drinking hot chocolate and just talking and getting to know each other at Madame Puddifoots' café.
35. Favorite place in Hogsmeade?
The Three Broomsticks and Hog's Head because you can meet so many interesting people there! Also the festival grounds, since the games and stands are always interesting and Gwen likes a challenge.
36. What's MC's fashion style?
A bit of punk, grunge, emo. A bit alt.
37. What is MC's most frequently used spell?
Maybe Accio? She doesn't know.
38. What is MC's favorite snack/candy?
She likes liquorice a lot. And chocolate. And chocolate frogs, of course.
39. What is MC's favourite game? Is it from the Muggle world or the Wizarding world?
Wizard chess, gobstones and exploding snap. From the muggle world, she likes abalone, checkers, and rummy.
40. If they had to live in either the wizarding world or the muggle world which one would they pick and why?
The wizarding world. I mean, there's magic! She'd hate to live without it.
41. What other wizarding school would MC most want to visit?
Beauxbatons because Nicholas Flamel went there and Penny's penpal Aurélie goes there, and because she's interested in Alchemy.
42. What do they think of their parents?
They're fine.
43. What's MC's favorite summer activity?
Turning into a cat and lazily snoozing on a windowsill in the library. Also quidditch.
44. What is MC's favourite holiday?
Halloween! (I mean it's called Gay Christmas, and Gwen is bi, so she very much appreciates being able to be as magical as she can be on Halloween.)
45. What is MC's least favourite holiday?
She doesn't have one. Maybe Christmas because she knows it sometimes makes her fave prof feel lonely and depressed, but with a bit of some shared blancmange, it's not all that bad.
46. Does MC go home during the winter and/or Easter Break?
No way, she enjoys the melancholic and romantic atmosphere of a half-empty Hogwarts, especially at Christmas.
47. Would they like memes if they would have lived their teenage years today?
Probably yes.
48. What cell phone would MC have?
Nokia, she needs something that could save her in the muggle world, and that's a very functional brick to use as a phone and to throw at aggressors to confuse them without magic, so that's a win-win situation. Or maybe a very customizable flip-phone to express her personality and creativity.
49. If MC could prevent one thing in the timeline what would they prevent?
Either Rowan's death or Snape's death.
50. What would MC think of you?
She'd have pity and would try to help me be less depressed lol.
51. Do they join to the Battle of Hogwarts (either sides)?
She tries to help by trying her best to heal battle wounds and curse wounds.
52. What would MC name their children if they had any?
She doesn't want to have any.
53. Do they interfere with Harry Potter's time at Hogwarts (i.e. mess with canon)?
Haven't reached that yet, but she would go to the Yule Ball and try to get her old Potions prof to dance a little and let loose a little. And she'd try to save Snape with phoenix tears and vulnera sanentur if she found him in time...
54. Does MC have a sweet sour or savory tooth?
All of the teeth!
55. What is MC's opinion on House Elves?
She thinks their rights need to be improved in their favour, so that things like Dobby's enslavement with the Malfoy family are prevented and no elf needs to live under such inhumane and cruel conditions.
56. Do they get to interact with Harry Potter at some point?
She helps the first-years a few times in her last few years at Hogwarts and during her training under Madam Pomfrey. Both by treating their wounds and by helping them find the ways to their classrooms. She even gets to treat Hermione's cat-hair-polyjuice-potion situation because what could be more helpful than a cat animagus with healer training who knows how a cat feels and functions? Hermione likes her because Gwen doesn't shy away from the tons of questions Hermione asks her during her polyjuice-incident treatment when she spends a month in the hospital wing in Hermione's second year.
57. What career would they join if they didn’t go into their chosen career?
Her dream will always be being a mediwitch to help people.
58. What does MC's parents think of the Cursed Vaults?
They certainly disapprove of her adventures because the cursed vaults are far too dangerous for their precious little daughter.
59. MC’s relationships with their sibling(s)?
She misses her brother dearly.
60. Does MC have a relatively big or small family?
It's her, Jacob, and their parents.
61. How tall is MC?
Relatively short. Magic is so useful to reach things that she sometimes thinks she overuses accio, but it's so useful!
62. Mention one good childhood memory of MC!
When her parents and later her brother read her her favourite book on magical plants and fungi.
63. MC's favourite Greek Goddess?
Maybe Athena for her wisdom? She only has very rudamentary knowledge of Greek gods.
64. MC's least favourite Greek Goddess?
She doesn't know enough about Greek godesses to have a dislike for one.
65. Who's their favourite Weasley sibling?
Bill or Charlie. Both are great friends, and she can understand Rowan's crush on Bill a lot.
66. Does MC have some habits?
She likes to turn into a cat and play with strings when she feels sad. Also likes to conjure snowing in winter to cheer up Merula and other friends (and a prof who's said to like watching the snowfall in winter).
67. Does MC believe in aliens?
Of course, if there's magical creatures and magic, why wouldn't there be aliens, too?
68. Where has MC lived over the years?
Scotland and England so far.
69. Does MC believe in love at first sight?
She believes in attraction at first sight but thinks that love is something that can only develop with time, biochemistry, and against better judgement. (Who might she have gotten that last sentiment from...?)
70. Would MC believe in science?
She likes science a lot. Especially chemistry since it's so closely related to alchemy and potions, which are all very useful in performing healing magic.
71. What would MC do if they lived in a pandemic?
She'd do her best to keep everyone safe and try to invent and improve containment spells to help people keep safe when they cannot keep distance for poverty and job-related reasons or are immunocompromised.
72. If MC could travel to anywhere in the world all fees payed for, where would they go?
She's been interested in South America since the Hippogriff club at Castelobruxo sent a first-edition potions book to the Hippogriff club at Hogwarts.
73. If MC could time travel, where would they go?
She likes Victorian fashion, so she'd love to see the time period herself. Also sometimes 5 minutes in the past to avoid another argument with Professor Snape, but he'd probably immediately catch her by using legilimency on her.
74. Does MC have any bad habits?
Opening cursed vaults, going along with her friends' pranking tendencies, disobeying well-meaning professors and headmasters trying to keep her from getting killed by opening cursed vaults, but she also just has to find her brother, so she won't ditch these habits until he is safe and sound.
75. Describe a modern teen MC.
Very annoying with the memes lol. No clue tbh.
76. Does MC like musicals?
She hasn't heard of any yet.
77. What does MC prefer, regular milk, strawberry milk, or chocolate milk?
Chocolate in everything!
78. Does MC like history? More specifically muggle history?
Yes, she's interested in the subject but has trouble with the related classes, since Professor Binns is such a literal snooze. She does love studying muggle history though, since despite being a halfblood, her family is quite magical, since her mother is a witch and her father a squib.
79. What muggle subject does MC like?
Chemistry and biology. Also English because she likes poetry.
80. Despite how it is really in your game, what would be their strongest attribute between courage, empathy and knowledge?
Probably empathy, since she likes to help others to the point that the Sorting Hat had seriously considered putting her into Hufflepuff before he chose Ravenclaw as her most fitting house.
81. What is MC's strength?
Her near-unbreaking optimism and wish to help and heal others.
82. Is MC good at dueling?
Kinda. She wants to be better but wins most of her duels by being a little sneaky.
83. What does MC think of the Ministry of Magic?
While she did register as an animagus to keep herself out of even more trouble, she certainly doesn't approve of everything the ministry decides.
84. What's the biggest way your MC's story is different to the game?
The crush on Snape, probably, ha XD
85. Does MC in your headcanon differ from in-game MC?
She doesn't like pranks as much as in the game? Also she's a little less oblivious and naive than in the game sometimes because sometimes I sit and just shake my head and scream internally at some of her actions and reactions to stuff, heheh. Also in my hc she's less arrogant since I find in-game MC's hubris off-putting sometimes.
86. Where's your MC from?
She was born in Scotland, where exactly I haven't decided though. Though she did grow up and live most of her life in England until she went to Hogwarts.
87. When is your MC's birthday?
Honestly, no clue. Maybe some time in summer during the summer holidays?
88. What is MC's zodiac sign?
No idea.
89. What is MC's moon sign?
I don't know enough about that to answer this tbh.
90. Does MC believe in astrology?
Yes, but only to an extent. She doesn't like the concept of predetermination as she feels like it can be used to excuse people for their actions, which she doesn't approve of if the actions in question were heinous crimes.
91. What's MC's alignment (like chaotic neutral, lawful good, etc.)
I don't know enough, but I'm guessing chaotic good or chaotic neutral. (I almost wrote chaotic nervous, lmao that would be my alignment XD)
92. Would they worship pagan gods? Or non-pagan ones? Or none?
Neither she nor I know enough about paganism to answer that, sorry.
93. Does MC follow religion?
She's somewhere between agnosticism and atheism, though she's more on the "I don't know any gods personally, but I don't know everything about the world, so that doesn't mean much" side.
94. Has MC ever cheated on a test?
No, she would never!
95. What does MC think of frogs?
She thinks all animals are cool?
96. What pets does MC have?
A black cat called Aurélie. In-game, she has every pet currently available, but only the cat one is canon in my book. (Except maybe a crup puppy and a puffskein too, since the in-game events with them involve Snape and are hilarious in my opinion lol.)
97. Would MC be good at Friday Night Funkin?
Neither she nor I know what that is, but I think it's a dancing video game or sth like that, no? In that case, yes. Both she and I love dancing a lot!
98. What is MC's MBTI personality type?
Maybe INTJ (like me lol)? Haven't decided yet.
99. Does MC get a good night's sleep?
When the moment comes and Rowan dies (which I haven't reached yet, since I'm at the beginning of year 4 atm, but have heard about happening and watched in walkthroughs), she will have nightmares to the point Snape first helps her out with a few potions until she is ready to confront the shock, and then slowly, over months, it gets better, though her guilt never lets her sleep as well as before.
100. Is MC good at pranking?
Partially. She doesn't much enjoy it though. A bit too childish for her taste.
