Night 3 of the break up.
I'm still so fucking confused. How can we be planning a future together on monday and then Friday we're over?
He said we tried and we failed and it's on him.
We weren't failing...we were working. We weren't perfect but we were happy. At least I thought we were.
He said he still wants to be friends. How can I just be friends when I want to kiss him everytime i see him? When I think of him everytime i get cold because he runs hot and he tells me to take all of his body heat because at least he will know im warm. How do i get used to not talking to him 24 hours a day? How do i not know about his day? How do i not get a phone call at 7 am anymore when he's getting off just to tell me about his day? How do I not call him everyday and make sure hes been eating? How do I not fall asleep on the phone with him every night? Have him prop the phone up on his chest while we watch tv...together even tho we couldn't be...and I fall asleep to the sound of his breathing. How do i not get to be in his arms ever again? Hear his laugh.
He deleted his snap or he deleted me from it. Said he couldnt afford to scroll backwards. We had a streak of almost 4 years and all hentold me was to write down the number and maybe one day I will go to him and show him how me and someone surpassed our streak. He even changed the wallpaper from us to a pitch black screen.
He says we're over and we're done and for me not to wait for him. Is it even considered waiting when I will never love anyone like I love him. I guess im technically alone now...but im not single. My heart is shattering.
I used to make fun of that scene from twilight when Bella just lost herself becuase of losing Edward...i get it now. What I dont get is how in the hell she stayed so calm. Ive been bawling my eyes out for days. Cant eat. Can't sleep but forcing myself to so I dont have to be awake.
I was lucky to be off this weekend. I need shower and get everything ready but I dint want to do anything but jave all of this just be a nightmare. That I will wake up to a phone call from him and I will tell him my nightmare and he will call me crazy becuase he could never do that to me. That he loved me. That he will always love me.
Im freezing and idk if its my heart freezing over or what but I dont know who i will be when all of these tears stop. If they ever stop. Cant I just go numb...please.