So I have unfortunately JUST found your page. I hate that I’d didn’t find it sooner! Slowly working my way through everything 🥰
I was wondering if you had any series recommendations for Harry? Nothing in particular, just wanted a series to lose myself in. Thanks!
Ahh I’m so glad you’re here!!! Hope you enjoy the stories🥰💞
There’s so many amazing authors on here!! I’ll give you my current favorite recs!!!
First of all:
favourite crime series by @harryslittlefreakk
this series is soooo good!!! Her writing skills are top tier I’m in awe of it + I have it on good authority that the upcoming chapters will have you clutching your pearls😋😏
La Villa Gialla & Paradiso Rosa by @temptress-writes
This is a two part one-shot but it has a total word count of 26k so it’ll keep you entertained🤭 but basically everything she writes is great I feel like each of them have singlehandedly altered my brain chemistry
One For The Money by @freedomfireflies
I am currently reading this series and I am absolutely obsessed I cannot believe I hadn’t read it before?! Smut is top tier and the dynamics have me smiling at my phone like an idiot teehee
In general, anything by these authors is amazing so you should definitely dig into their masterlists as well!😋
in the case that I’m a complete moron and you actually meant I recommend something of my own work, I would suggest you read:
nemesis with benefits
since it’s my longest series yet + it’s pretty spicy, and:
Mr. Sunshine
if you’re in the mood for something cuter
Hope this helps you along!!! Have fun reading!!🩷💞💘❤️🥰
summary: in which yn is heartbroken and has a panic attack and Harry comforts her
a/n: i had a really clear plan for this from the beginning. it this that plan? no because I can't stick to plans either way I think it turned out kinda good so you should probably read.
(please like and reblog and send in some feedback. it honestly helps and means so much more than you think even if its a little tag or an emoji <3)
check out my masterlist✨
You didn’t think it would be much of a problem when your best friend, Hannah, moved in with her boyfriend and his roommate. But, of course, back then you had no plan on falling for the hot roommate, nor ending up as his girlfriend. It wouldn’t have been much of a…situation, hadn’t life pulled you in different directions and left you with a broken heart.
The cosy apartment had been like a second home, most of your nights spent safe in his arms as he gently played with your hair and lulled you to sleep. The softness of his voice and gentle words engraved in your memory.
It was just so easy giving him your everything. You had never felt so safe in love - casually wearing your heart on your sleeve everyday.
But now? You found the qhostlyness of the whole situation unbearable, always figuring that if you ever were to break up, you’d at least remain acquaintances. Never did you imagine how he’d make sure to be out whenever you visited or refuse to show up at events if you were there.
However, today was too big of a deal for your presence to matter. Your best friends engagement was being celebrated and you swore that you’d be civil. For the first time in what felt like forever, you’d be in the same, old apartment together. It was only a couple of hours, and part of your being was convinced you could deal with it.
It was only seconds, but it felt like minutes as you stood hesitantly outside the apartment complex. The nerves crippled through you, almost swallowing the bittersweet excitement you’d nourished the past weeks. Two of your best friends were celebrating their engagement, and you refused to let anything ruin the festive evening.
Taking in a sharp breath, you relaxed your tensed shoulders as you pressed the doorbell. It didn't take long until Hannah's voice erupted from the tiny speaker, welcoming you as the door opened.
Getting up the all too short flight of stairs, their front door came into view. You dried away the sweat forming in your palms before knocking, in a matter of seconds it swung open and revealed your best friend. Grinning, she ushered you inside and engulfed you in a side hug.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said, letting you go as you took off and hung the small coat you brought with you.
Smiling sympathetically, her voice softened before she continued. “But, just know you don’t need to stay, okay? Mark and I understand if it gets too hard or if you need to get out.”
Your eyes stayed glued at your coat as you offered a halfhearted smile. The gentleness in her tone tugged at your heartstrings, and having no faith in your voice, you kept quiet.
She knew you well enough to let it be as she quickly changed the topic again. “That dress looks amazing on you by the way. I'm glad I talked you into buying it.”
Snorting, you let her wrap an arm around your shoulders and lead you into the kitchen.
You grasped that you should’ve been thankful for the kindness and loving consideration. Knowing the soft spoken proposition came from nothing but pureness. But it was useless fighting the feeling as you found the compassion rather belittling. Embarrassed you were considered in need of reassurance while he so obviously were over you.
You’d been without him for so long, and not a day went by without you beating yourself up over how you let the memories of him keep holding in a chokehold. Why let him continue to break your heart - desperately hoping he’ll regret it - when he so clearly wouldn’t?
Theoretically, you knew she was the last person to ever judge you or your grieving process. But the fact that he had moved on, and you still found it hard not to break down as his voice played over the radio, was nothing but embarrassing.
Moving into the crowd, the humid air quickly embraced your bare arms. A distinct scent of alcohol travelled through the room, and your throat itched as it hit you. Partly in need for something to cool you down and for something to ease your throbbing heart.
Dancing queen blared through the speakers, and the “small gathering” Hannah had gone on and on about turned out to be anything but small. The optimistic side of you figured it was a good thing though, seeing how it lowered your chance of running into him.
You could just picture him, looking so effortlessly cool and completely unbothered by your presence. His body moving in that ridiculous way he insisted was dancing, but you both knew wasn't. Just knocking the air out of your chest as he cruelly reminded you of the times you missed.
“Here.”
Hannah’s loud voice was barely audible over the bass as she pulled you out of your thoughts. Waving a beer in front of your face, she grinned as you took it and gulped it down.
You normally wouldn’t, but you had no intentions on dealing with nerves keeping you on high alert. The night would be impossible to enjoy if you were to spend every second staring at the door, waiting for him to waltz in.
As the effect of your second and third bottle slowly oozed in, the night passed in a blur. You hadn’t felt that relaxed for weeks as his new songs had played over and over at the radio, (making the task of shutting him out impossible). You could block him on every platform and permanently remove his number from your phone, but what good did it do when the world seemed content reminding you he was out there, and thriving.
But now the alcohol was cursing through your veins, and you enjoyed the feeling. Swinging to the music and having your mind rest on anything other than him. It was nice, really nice.
Until he graced the corners of your eyes, demanding your attention and sobering you up.
He moved in the corner, away from the crowd with a girl by his side as they swayed to the music. Your heart dropped, every little piece of your body tensing up as you watched the scene. His hands were wrapped around her waist, the gentle grip he’d held you with a million times before. You could still feel his touch, the softness engraved in your mind.
As much as you wanted to, it was impossible to tear away your gaze. The scene burned itself into your brain and there wasn't a doubt in your mind it would haunt you for months.
Your breath hitched in your throat as his wild eyes met yours. With a burning sensation in your lungs you forced in a sharp breath as the room suddenly seemed too small for the both of you.
Automatically, your hand flew to the necklace resting on your collarbones and rubbed the hard material. The simple motion grounding you as your stomach twisted in the awfully familiar way.
It almost hurt, the way your heart slammed against your chest and your pulse rang in your ears. You must’ve been quite a sight, standing wide-eyed and tense.
Yet his expression felt gentle and familiar and you couldn’t help but long for the times he calmed the unease in your chest with a similar look.
Overwhelmed, you forced your eyes away and turned to Hannah. With a tight smile plastered on your lips, you mouthed how you needed some air as you tried to keep your cool. She must’ve been a little drunk, because she only sent you a thumbs up and grinned. You didn’t think much of it as you pushed through the flock surrounding you within a second of her response.
A few concerned glances were sent your way, and hadn’t it been for the high-pitched ring echoing through your ears, you would’ve minded. But you were too occupied dealing with tightened airways as you shut the apartment door behind you.
You rushed down a flight of stairs and lunged yourself down at the last step.
The breaths escaping your lips turned hyper and ragged as you rested your elbows on top of your knees. Your fingertips numb as they continued to fidget with the necklace.
Disappointment lingered in your stomach, almost feeling embarrassed over how little control you had over your own reaction. Just seeing him pushed you over the edge, bringing an overwhelming mixture of emotions to your chest and heart.
You couldn’t even tell what you felt, but something resembling a mixture of anger towards yourself for still being so caught up on him. And heartbroken at the sight of his body clinging to someone else, of how it reminded you of the early mornings spent dancing in the kitchen as the coffee brewed.
The amount of sleepless nights you’d spent fantasising about seeing him again in the familiar apartment were countless. You had rehearsed the reunion a million times over in your head, picturing how you’d play so nonchalant as you swept past him.
But as he actually stood there, right in front of you with the same gentle eyes and warm smile, you lost every sense of control and felt yourself spiral. It triggered some weird emotion and broke your heart all over again.
The air stung in your lungs as you pushed yourself upright. You couldn’t keep sitting, leg tapping as thoughts flooded your head. Pacing back and forth in the small space, you tried to calm the restlessness crippling through you.
Instinctively, your arms crossed over your chest as your head flung backwards. With parted lips, you let fast breaths move through you in hope one of them would leave you satisfied.
It didn’t take long before the room started spinning and you had to stretch out for the wall. With all your weight resting on your arm, the other hand pressed against your forehead.
“y/n?”
The careful tone caught your attention, but you didn’t turn your head. You were more familiar with the deep voice than you were with your own.
“Hey,” he cooed, jogging down the stairs until he placed himself right beside you. His arm found its usual spot around your lower back, steadying your unbalanced frame.
Every part of you reacted to his hand on your body, how his warm palm laid awfully close to your hips and the way his body fit perfectly against yours.
You had convinced yourself that the breakup and the following distance that had grown between you changed everything, but something about him had this undeniable effect on you. As much as you thought you would hate it, in this moment you were thankful.
“Hey, it's okay, you hear me? It’s okay, I just need you to take some deep breaths for me, can you do that?”
Nodding your head, you looked up at him as he offered a warm smile in return. “Good.”
He led your arm over his shoulder and brought you back to the stairs. His hand holding you in a firm grip as he guided you down. “Here.”
Kneeling down, he faced you with a careful smile. You couldn’t tell if calmness was real or not, but either way you appreciated it as he let his hand rub against your forearm.
“Can you take some deep breaths for me,” he asked, carefully addressing your still hyper breathing.
You just nodded again, not trusting your voice to actually carry your words. Gaze moving away from him, you tried to keep your focus on a dot engraved in the wall before you, knowing distracting your thoughts was the best way to go about it.
Having him so close to you again felt so odd. At one hand every fibre in your being had longed for it, for his fingers to send sparks up your spine and his loving smiles to be sent your way. But on the other, you knew it would pass and you would have to start the process of getting over him all over. This moment was already burning into your mind and the idea of the pain that would follow was enough for the world to crumble underneath your feet.
Before you knew it, the few calm breaths that had fallen off your lips turned hyper again.
“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” His voice sounded muffled as the words met your ears. Black dots were clouding up your vision and the room felt like it was spinning.
“Woah.”
Within a second, his grip around your arm was tight as the other flew up to your shoulder. All your weight resting against him as your ears rang.
“I know that it hurts, sweetie, but I need you to open your eyes.” He rubbed his thumb against the bare skin on your arm, his action barely grounding you as he continued. “You’re okay, you hear me? I’m here and not going anywhere.”
Your heart felt tight in your chest as your eyes shot open. His gaze bore into yours, and you felt so exposed. Normally you would have turned away, but the gentle expression on his face almost forced your eyes to stay on him.
“It’s okay, I promise.”
You could only detect the sincerity in his eyes as the words fell off his lips. As if this moment was only a fraction of what he meant, like the whole ordeal that had gone down between you was swept under the rug for now.
Your mind had played tricks on you before, but right now you seemed to need the statement, and you were willing to cling onto it for what it was worth.
He offered you a proud smile as your breaths slowed down once again.
He shifted, and in no time your body was cooped up between his legs. Your back resting against his torso.
You couldn’t even comprehend what was happening, and never in your wildest dreams did the night involve this. Whatever it was. Your mind found it odd, trying to picture what the scene must’ve looked like if someone walked down the stairs and saw you. But no matter how weird it seemed in your mind, your body found the setting all too comforting.
He felt exactly how you remembered, the smell still tempting you to just lean against him and bask in his scent. Hearing your name fall off his lips was like music to your ears, and as he started gently caressing your arms, your muscles relaxed.
Apparently he wasn’t satisfied with your respiration yet as he spoke up. “I need you to take some deep breaths for me, love.”
Your back stiffened for a millisecond as the old pet name fell off his lips so effortlessly. Every part of you had longed for the sweet names he always gave you, but as he said it and it registered in your mind, you weren’t really sure what to feel.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, picking up on the small cue as your body tensed. “Old habit.”
It took a second before you recognised how pleasant it had played through your ears.
“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” The ends of your lips tugged up as you let your body lean into his touch and relax against him.
“Good,” he mustered.
Hadn’t it been for the obvious lack of oxygen in your brain, you would’ve sworn he sighed contently.
“Take a deep breath,” he said as his fingers softly climbed up your arm, inhaling with you.
“Good. You’re doing so good, now exhale.”
His fingertips gently traced a line down to your elbow as you let out a shaky breath. Letting your eyes close once again, you rested your head underneath his chin as you kept following his deep breaths.
You weren’t really sure how long you stayed like that, but you could finally feel yourself calmed down. The only thing on your mind was how you needed to get home and just rest. Of course, the way his body was pressed up against you made an appearance through your thoughts, but you could freak out about that later.
The bass from the party drummed through the walls, and the way it echoed through the hall did nothing to help the headache brewing in the back of your head. Preferably you’d just lay down right there and sleep it off.
“I think I should head home,” you uttered, breaking the silence and pushing yourself to an upright position. The heat provided by his frame ceased, and you had to stop yourself from shivering as you took in a deep breath.
“You’re feeling better?” He asked, scooting himself forward on the stair.
You turned around, a grateful smile resting on your face as you spoke. “Yeah, thank you. I’m just tired.” As if on cue, you placed the back of your hand in front or your lips and let out a big yawn.
“Do you want me to give you a lift?”
Hesitating, you bit your lip and looked away from him. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Harry.”
You’d already been reminded of so many of the reasons you still loved him, and you weren’t really sure you could take more of them.
“Are you sure?-” he asked, getting up from the stairs, “-I know how exhausted you get after these. I mean, you’re still shaking. We don’t even have to talk, I just want you to be safe.”
Your heart fluttered at his words, and you hated it. You knew how much he still affected you, but no part of him needed to know that.
Just the idea of being in the car with him for 10 minutes made you nervous, but you refused to let it show. He even said you didn’t need to talk.
“Okay.” Your eyes found their way back to his, a small smile on your lips. “If you promise to not charge me for gas.”
He snorted. “I’ll just get my keys.”
-
“Nope,” he said, changing the station again as one of his songs played through the speakers.
The interview about his new album apparently was no better as he changed the station again. Snickering, you looked over at him and watched his tensed shoulders.
“You can talk if you want to,” you told him, fighting a smile over his nervous antics.
“Yeah?”
“Yes, I think I’d actually prefer it if you did.” It’d make the breakup more distant, seem like we hadn’t cut all contact and left me unsure as to what was okay to say. But you didn’t tell him that.
“I always imagined we’d stay friends or something, after you know. Everything.” You confessed, letting your gaze follow the buildings outside.
You could feel how his gaze bore into you as soon as the sentence fell off your lips. You weren’t really sure where you got the confidence from, but you told yourself how you would keep avoiding each other after tonight. What did you have to lose?
You glanced at him, watching as he bit his eyes shifted from the rear mirror.
“I don’t think I could've done that.” He said, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips as one of his hands brushed the back of his neck.
“Really? … To be completely honest,” you started, shifting your gaze away from him again. Your eyes followed a raindrop racing down the window, trying to form the words spinning in your head.
“I think I would have prefered to see you with someone else if that's what it took for me to still be in your life.”
He stayed quiet, the hum of the car the only thing playing through your ears as you tried to ignore the nerves running wild in your chest over the fact that the words actually had slipped off your tongue.
One of the first things that drew you to him was the way he made you feel completely at ease. You could ramble or have your nerves spew out the weirdest sentences, yet he never made you feel stupid or small. It was so refreshing and you just enjoyed being around him. When he’d later told you how he loved talking to you because ‘you always speak your mind’, you just slowly grew inseparable.
Now, after everything had changed, you found some comfort in knowing at least that hadn’t.
“I mean at one point I would’ve had to get used to seeing you moved on.”
Your hand travelled back to your necklace, fidgeting with the small heart, not really knowing if you wanted to know the thoughts rushing through his head.
“I don’t think I ever could be around you and not just show you how much I love you.”
He broke the silence, and you couldn’t stop your head from turning towards him. His lips formed a thin line as his brows knitted together. You could have recognised the nerves crippling through anywhere as his gaze stayed fixed at the road in front of you.
“What do you mean?” You asked as his silence told you he wouldn’t continue on his own.
“I don’t know… I just see you and wish I could go back and change everything.”
He let out a heavy breath, and you could see how his grip around the steering wheel tightened.
“And it’s so… weird? I mean I haven’t seen you in forever, yet I see you everywhere. I mean, I know you’ve been over by the way you folded the blankets and how you put the honey on the counter instead of the cupboard. I can’t even avoid you in my own home.”
You couldn’t tell whether your heart clenched or fluttered at his words, but your eyes narrowed trying to comprehend the words.
“Everything reminds me of what I don’t have, and I don’t even know how I would begin to process you with someone else.” The words sounded strangled as they crawled up his throat.
He lifted a hand, letting it rub against his temple as he let out a quiet sigh. You turned your gaze away from his pained expression, trying to figure out how to let the words sink in.
Seeing his career blossom and flourish had you convinced you were alone in the mess. He had seemed so happy as you cried at his interviews.
Now he seemed just as hurt as you were and you had no clue as to how to even begin to let that progress.
You hesitated, voice low as you confessed. “I’m not sure what to say.”
“If it helps, I don’t know what I want you to say.”
“It helps a little,” you muttered, rubbing the back of your neck as you looked down at your lap.
He snickered and glanced over at you before parking the car. You hadn’t noticed you were back at your apartment, but as you saw the complex, your heart sank a little.
You were glad you finally had gotten the chance to talk to him again and it hurt more than you thought now that it ended. Talking with him always eased you, and tonight had only reminded you of the power he held over your wellbeing. Like he always made you feel better no matter what.
As if reading your mind, he opened his mouth. “I totally get it if you don’t want to, but would you maybe like to grab a coffee or something next week?”
“I’m sorry, I can't.” You cursed your schedule as you saw his shoulders slump. You had dreamed of this and now you actually blew it.
“Of course,” he said, plastering on a smile.
“But, it's only, what? Nine thirty? Do you maybe wanna come up?” You gestured to the apartment he’d been in a million times before
A genuine smile crept onto his lips, his eyes staying fixed at you. Watching as you nervously fidgeted with your fingers.
“Really? Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”
“You don’t,” you told him, voice soft and gentle as you smiled at him.
“Okay, yeah. I would really like that.”
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