#hugging anon

[kotokeke]

Incoming hug!! *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *h

Let the random hugging commence!!! *hugs*!!

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

i'm like half an inch shorter than you, and i'm terrible at hugging as well! i'm just way too awkward when it comes to human contact. but at least from scrolling through your blog you seen so sweet and i think i'd like to hug you anyway - hugging anon

To be honest, I’ve never hugged anyone shorter than me, I don’t think. I would love to hug you just to see what it’s like XD I’m glad I seem sweet. As soon as you get to know me I’m an asshole lol just ask @thealextheshipper

[mentalillnessmouse]

I'm naturally a very cuddly and affectionate person and both of my parents are too. I'm really really close to my dad and there's a lot of cuddles going on between us throughout the day. The problem is my relationship with my mother is very rocky and I usually get angry when she speaks to me. She wants hugs from me and such but every time she touches me I want to hurt her or myself and it makes me feel physically sick, and very rarely am I able to do it willingly. (continued)

(hugging anon) I want to talk to her about it but I feel bad that it literally is just her that I can’t stand touching me. I’m with my dad all the time and she sees it and I don’t want her to feel worse. Any advice?

It sounds like you do want to have a conversation about this with your mom which I think is a good idea for you both. it can potentially lessen your guilty feelings in the future and any negative feelings your mom is experiencing. Your mom probably already sees and realizes that you and she have a different relationship than you do with your dad. She may or may not be open to expressing how she feels about that, but just so you are prepared, some things she may be feeling are hurt, angry, sad, jealous, content or anything in between. 

When you speak with her, using “i” statements is going to be important. Putting blame on her or saying things like “you make me feel--” insinuates blame and can make her become defensive. Instead, focus on using “I” statements, like “I feel less emotionally and physically close to you than i do with dad” and/or “I struggle to feel comfortable hugging you or being close to you” Let her know it is not her fault, and if there is anything she can do to improve your relationship in other ways. I think it would be important to stress that you do care about her, and that you would like to work on improving your relationship emotionally (if thats true). Give her some suggestions on ways she can help improve your relationship. People like concrete ideas and it can make her have something to focus on that is inside your comfort zone. Maybe a way she can help is by letting you initiate any physical touch, or her asking to pause conversations when you guys get arguing and angry or any other concrete thing you can think of that she can do. Parents like to feel like they are needed, and so giving her one example of something she can do to help you can go a long way. I hope some of this was helpful and you are able to talk with her. Remember if actually having this conversation verbally is going to be too hard, consider writing her a note. 

Take care,

Ari

[fuckyeahaspiebot]

I'm the hugging anon. The boy took a while to get used to the change. I hug him when we first see each other and for goodbyes and he seems to be getting used to this. If he asks for a hug and I don't want one I high five him instead, is that okay?

That’s good! I’m glad to hear both of you are able to make this work. c: You for setting your boundaries and him for respecting them, excellent job.

I believe that would be fine, so long as he enjoys the high-fives as well. Hopefully he would be forthcoming about that kind of information, but you never know. Sometimes people on the spectrum don’t think to alert someone to the fact that they are uncomfortable unless asked. (You’ll notice there’s a lot of ‘sometimes’ because this always varies from person to person)

I’m a little confused about “a while” though, I answered this question on Saturday the 28th, so its only been 3 days! That’s a remarkably fast adjustment to a change in a social routine for someone on the spectrum.

It may feel like a while to you, and I’m aware maybe someone off the spectrum would stop immediately. But I was expecting a week or so to fully make the transition! Not for lack of caring, of course, its just difficult for the brain to trigger a “stop” thought, and there’s a serious lag in changing a pattern.

But I think you’re doing a great job giving him something to “replace” the hug with, which will definitely help this transition, and that’s probably why its going so “fast.”

[veralidained]

*gives anon hugs*

thanks, anon! x

[veralidained]

*gives anon hugs*

thanks anon

[veralidained]

*gives anon hugs*

x <3

[veralidained]

*gives anon hugs*

thanks anon