Hullo friends ! I wanted to write something about my Portuguese twins! I rarely write so sorry if it a bit cheesy and awkward lol akfkzkfnznxnd
-PLEASE ENJOY!-
You'd think after 30 years appart, a video call would have made them both feel better.
Though as she sat, the device still in her hand, 16 (or e181 as she was now more known as), felt like dread was seeping in her frame. Dont get her wrong she felt very relieved, to see her twin, but there are too many emergency whistles going off in her head.
Well appart from the fact that she, 17, look exhausted, rust eating away her face, and that she is in a wheelchair in her humanoid form.. No, if it was only that.
She was avoidant the whole call, and mind you that call only lasted around an hour. She kept asking questions, which was nice! Dont get her wrong. The problem is when asked question back she was being vague on purpose, and would then ask questions again. Heck, e211 had told her about the wheelchair but didnt specify why, 16 thought she'd had answer from her twin... but no such luck.
Though deep down she knew who did that, and it made her oil boil.
"You look upset, did it not go well?"
She jumped, and looked at the engine sitting next to her, ME 53, a diesel railcar, who was rather a fun engine, she enjoyed playing pranks on the staff of the museum with him. And she had been so engrossed in her thoughts she didnt realized he sat down next to her.
" She was very happy for me..."
"I can hear a 'but'..."
She grimaced, glaring at the electronic device in her hand.
" But, most questions about her, she avoided... it felt like i was talking to a ghost! What isnt she telling me ??"
To say she was frustrated and worried was an understatement. And 53 looked at her kindly, soothing a bit her nerves.
"Well...its not like you can ask her.." he said carefully.
"Perhaps ask e211 ? She is the one living with her at the moment, she probably can help."
"Yeah..." She paused
" i just... was i too overbearing ? Maybe she was sick of me..."
She couldnt help the doubt creep in her mind. For 40 years it has been there, the last time she saw her twin, they argued, and baddly at that, perhaps 17 didnt want to have to deal with her anymore?
Before she could finish that train of thought she got a small tap to the head.
"Hey!"
"I almost can hear your thoughts, stop it."
"... i try.." she shaked her head, and went to the group chat application, openning the chat with the e211.
"Hey, i've never seen 17 so avoidant, and huh... i was wondering if you knew why ? Also, i'd like to know why she is in a wheelchair."
She turned of the screen of the tablet, but turned it back on immediately, as it buzzed form e211's answer.
"I've noticed yeah, she havent been doing great, i thought she'd tell you though. Ill see what i can do. For the wheelchair i dont know if i can tell you, you are gonna be pissed, maybe later ?"
" fine but you better tell me."
She did mean to come off as harsh, but her mood was not in the right place. The boiling anger was back, that blasted man, she never wished harm on a human until now, was it also his fault she was in a such bad shape, physically and mentally. She tried to not dwell on the thought too much, she doesnt need to be upset, right now her twin needed help.
In france, e211 could only sigh, she noticed how 182, well...17, has not been very well. She looked at the building where 182 was stored in, she has not be very social, avoiding to get out, ableist, the depot is not the most wheelchair friendly place, and 182 would be the first to joke about it, but under her mischief and fun going attitude, e211 could see the pain.
The problem was that confronting her will not work, not with the "grace" e211 has, and seeing how the video call went, 181 would not have much more luck being so far away.
Perhaps zz6 could help? Her and 182 are good friend, and 6 has that thing to coo people and engines alike to talk.
Though she has a train tomorrow, and she'd have to ask her later, too many humans in the morning, and as much as she liked them, e211 felt like this issue should not involve humans, 182 has been very skittish around them ever since she arrived, though slowly warming up to them.
All engines can suffer from some pretty heavy depression, and 182 is gonna be a tricky one to work through. Its not like they can ask for a psychologist, only engines that "lived through wars" are eligible for it, which if you ask e211 is bullshit.
But for now she will have to wait tomorrow evening to ask for help.
____
The next day, as if it was possible, 211 was even more worried. When zz6 left, 182 didnt went out to wish her a good train as she'd usually do. Which is definitly a red flag to start the day with. It felt like the little progress of getting 182 to get out of her shell reversed, and 211 is starting to think perhaps the video call was not the best idea.
She was so lost in thought she didn't hear the enormous figure approaching, and jumped as soon as he spoke.
"How was the video call?"
"GAH- Don't scare me like that!! I didnt hear you!"
"Ah yes you didn't hear the big ass engine coming your way. Of course. You look rather... dull today. Did the video call not go well ?"
Now, as much as intimidating 1404 could be, with his grumpy expression and his very tall size, deep down he was a rather soft engine. And truth be told 211 did not expected him to care about 182's well being, he truly came a long way of from his "dangerous and upset" phase. She sigh, before waving at zz6 passing by with her cheery horn.
" Not as we thought it would. She is not doing well, and of course refuse to even tell 181 what is wrong... and now she asked me to help 182 because she is worried sick."
1404 seemed to think for a moment, his face softening a bit, which is rare enough to be noted.
" Do you want me to go and try to talk to her ? We had talked last winter, maybe i can help ?"
Oh! It was true, 211 thought, last winter 1404 had been stored with e182 as he was waiting his new paint job (or it was the only place big enough that he wouldnt hit the roof). She wasn't too sure about this, 1404 could be quite blunt with his words however he was great with plants, perhaps thats what 182 needed, a change of subject?
Truth be told, when it came to familly 211 could be overbearing, and 182 is not stupid, even if zz6 talk to her she know when somebody want something from her, and right now 211 isnt too sure how she'll react.
She felt stuck, perhaps 1404 could help in his own way.
"... Sure, not sure how well she'll react though.. "
" Its not like you would have more luck."
He said as a matter of fact, which ouch ok, that did hurt 211's ego a bit, but he was also right, so she settled for a little punch on his arm.
" Good luck with it, your are going in on a very tense subject for her"
" I'll keep that in mind..."
He left not long after that.
She really had messed up didn't she ? 182 thought. Perhaps thats karma, she thought again bitterly.
The problem with being in a static situation, is your mind is left to wonder, and tend to fall into the bad memories. But before she could think pf more bitter thoughts, a knock on the door caught her attention. Before a heavy voice spoke in spanish.
" Id like to talk. Can i come in ?"
" I dont think you'll care if i say yes or no, do you ?"
She had meant to say it jockingly, but it came out more accusatory. A sound of a lock unlocking and 1404 slipped in, quite literally as he had to bent down and on the side to fit in the small door frame. And 182 almost chuckled, reminding her of a cat too fat to go throught a catdoor.
But she didn't, and waited till 1404 stood next to her engine form, looking at her with an unreadable expression before speaking in Spanish as well.
" I know why you are here..."
She paused.
" I expected zz6, though 211 must be desperate to ask you to get words out of my mouth. Bet she wanna feel nice by 'helping me'."
She said bitterly. But 1404 only answered in kind.
" Interesting, i didnt even ask anything. But the harsh words wont get you anywhere. Trust me i went down that road already. Nothing good comes out of it. You'll just feel miserable"
" I already am miserable. Leave me alone."
She cut, but 1404 moved closer, carefull not to walk on her many pieces scattered on the floor.
"Not until i know wether or not you like the lavender they have planted at the station. I wanna try to help them grow it, so we can get some for you ?"
182 got taken aback by the question, it was a known fact at the depot that she adored eating lavender, what she didnt not understand is why 1404 would bring that subject, when she knew why he was here. So she turned into her humanoid form, glaring up from her wheelchair into the tall engine.
" Why?"
1404 raised an eyebrow.
" Why not ?"
" No i mean... why would you do that ?"
"Because you like lavender and i like gardenning"
"That's not what i meant."
"Then ask clearer questions."
She threw her arm in the air, getting clearly frustrated with 1404 stubborness. Which would have reminded her of herself in the past, but she was too distracted at the moment.
" Ugh!! Why do you bother ??! I didnt do anything to deserve a treat!"
She lashed out, which saddly reminded her of the last time she raised her voice and someone. But 1404's face remained the same, even as he sat down in front of her.
"Because i , like everyone around here, care about you. Is this what it's about ? Being deserving ?"
She stayed silent, she had already said too much.
" I used to think i deserved to be left to rot too, for being dangerous because of my breaks, that i didnt deserve any pity because it was my fault."
182 tensed up, this converstation was getting somewhere she didn't like.
And she couldn't run away from it.
"It's about that isnt it ? Feeling like deserving the bad, and not deserving the good.." He paused.
"I imagine its the not the only reason. But... im not asking you to feel better. Im asking you to talk about it, to the engine that has been worried sick for you, for the last 40 years or so."
182 couldnt hold it back, and beguan sobbing. 1404 wasnt great with reassurance, so he opted to put a hand on her knee, waiting in silence as she calmed down.
"...You asshole...im... sigh... I'd love the lavender... but you might need authorisation from the station master and you know how they are heh..."
She sais at last. 1404 offered a small smile.
"If they refuse ill just steal it... or buy a pot, i got pocket money now, i dont know yet what to do with it"
"... you ? Stealing? Leave it to me you are too big to be sneaky!"
"Says the one in the wheelchair."
To that she flipped him off, but the grin on her face was more than telling.
And to that 1404 got up, stretching.
"Listen, i huh, promise i wont tell all of that to 211, she is stupidly protective, and can be overbearing depending on the situation."
182 made a small chuckle, knowing how true it is.
"But i want you to promise me something. Ok ?"
182 looked to the side, she didnt much like promises, not anymore at least. But, she knew she could trust 1404, he wasnt the kind of engine to talk, much less about personnal matter.
"Sigh fine jus'..." she waved a hand at him "as long im as i dont have to explain myself to 'the mother hen'."
To that 1404 made a noise, that, if 182 had to guess was close to a snort.
"So ? Spill it out! Cant promise anything if you dont tell me what it is"
"You need to promise me you'll talk to your twin. No running away."
She grimmaced, she couldnt run away much could she ? She isnt sure how well she'll do, she felt like a mess anyway.
Before she could think more, 1404 gave a tap on her funnel.
"Hold your thoughts, i can see the doupt in your face."
He looked at her kindly, crossing his arms
" Listen, i... never had a good relationship with my siblings, they dont care about me, i never bothered back. 181 ? She is worried about you, and reached out. She cares, and a lot from what i understand."
He paused.
"Do you care about her ?"
"I... i do... more than anything..."
He patted her back and started walking toward the door.
"Then its settled, ill convince 211 to give you her tablet ok?"
He was about to open the door to walk out when 182 called out.
"Wait!... i...huh"
A long pause, he could see her thinking her words.
"I'd like to have a word with 211... ill deal with it."
"You sure ?"
"I... hum yes."
He looked at her, with his usual grouchy face, but 182 knew the softeness in his eyes.
"Do you need help getting to the depot ?"
"Nah... beside i need a bit of rest first."
A pause, while staring at eachother, before 182 started laughing.
"Bahaha!! Stop looking at me with those puppy eyes, dog! Heehee... fine fine, you can help me go to the depot. Just give me a minute ok?"
1404 smiled, and 182 chuckled, before he left, once again fitting awkwardly throught the door.
____
When 1404 told her 182 wanted to talk she couldnt help but feel proud of 1404, he really improved in attitude. When he arrived he would growl at the other engines, and even if he didnt do it to human, she could see he was tense around them.
Now he was still grouchy looking, but he was more relaxed around other.
Though a bit later in the day he arrived pushing 182 in her wheelchair, he had an expression on his face she couldnt quite read. On the other hand, 182 was looking at her in a way she wasnt too sure what it meant, something determined for sure.
1404 left, but not before patting 211's shoulder knowingly, which did not reassured 211.
"I'd like to call 181 again.." said 182 calmly in portuguese
"Oh... hum yeah sure! we can do that this eve-"
"Alone. I'd like to be able to video call her privately... i appreciate you helping me but..."
"But?"
" You are a bit overbearing...." she said looking to the side, as if a bit guilty from saying it.
".. i... im just looking out for you. You-"
"211 please. I know im not in the best shape or mindset... but..." she paused, a frustration showing on her face, before looking into's 211's eyes.
"Im... not some fragile thing. Not a frail old human or a brand new baby..."
"But im not-"
"You are !" 182 raised her voice, clearly fed up.
" You want to help, i get it, but it feels like you see me as a kid ! Im not ! Im a century old 60 tons locomotive, that yes. I admit it ! I feel like shit !! But...I need. To. Breath. You feel suffocating sometimes..."
182 took a pause and took deep breath, calming herself down.
"I do love you, you are family, but... sometimes headbutting into people's feeling doesnt work... and there are things where you cannot beguin to think how 16 and i see things, what we lived through together... Just like you and 327. So im asking you. For this time. To trust me on my own decisions."
She softened her voice toward the end, because 211 was now crossing her arms, clearly thinking about her words, or perhaps reflecting on her actions ? 182 sure hoped it was the later.
"I... yeah... hum... im sorry? I hadn't realized i was that... overbearing.." she looked to the side while grimacing a sort of smile.
"I do care about you... i'll... ok, i'll admit that im scared, about your health... because... because... i cant help the others. You are the only one in the family i can see physically. Th-that i can help..."
She scratched the back of her head, clearly embarrassed.
"Ill try to work on it. No promises though..."
182 could only sigh before chuckling.
"You are a tough rock. Hard to change, 'takes a while for you to even beguin to understand stuff heehee."
She said light heartedly, 211 looking at her suspiciously
"Hey! Im not-"
"Pedrinha~"
"Noooooo" 211 groaned as she looked down, putting her hand on her face, though 182 could see the small smile under the embarrassment.
" i huh.... ill give you my tablet this evening, 181's museum close at 17h30, might wanna wait 19h00 though... hum.... she'll want to know... for the wheelchair."
182 sagged and looked down to the side, as if the balalst could help her.
"I... i know... " and 211 only nodded in agreement.
"Mhm... i need to think for a bit, i'll see you later, yeah ?" 211 asked softly, and after 182 had nodded and gave a small friendly wave, 211 turned back into her engine form, leaving 182 to think about that evening.
A few minutes later and thankfully 1404 came back and talked about unrelated things, helping her with the growing anxiety she felt.
_________
The evening came more slowly than ever, anxiety eating 182 out. She had a lot to say, and perhaps she was ashamed and anxious for most of it, but she had to come clean to the closest person she knew. They were built together, they ran together.
They lived through pain and anguish together...
She had to tell her what has been eating her away for the past 40 years.
211 arrived, as she entered she cursed the cold weather, 182 could only chuckle, and the fact she also had to squeeze in through the door didnt help.
"Hush, its not funny!" 211 said, the amusement clear in her voice. She walked to 182, who was already in her humanoid form, though fidling with the blanket on her legs.
"Its gonna be alright" she said softly.
"Easy for you to say." 182 huffed "but... thank you..."
211 gave her the tablet before putting a gentle hand on her shoulder, looking at her kindly.
"I already sent a message so she should call soon... you know...hum" she chuckled awkwardly "She wouldnt stop calling when she knew the gecp adquired you heh... keep that in mind ok ?"
182 nodded smiling a bit, and after a little bit, 211 left, not before giving 182 a gentle "good luck".
Now alone in silence, 182 almost started thinking about chickening out, but the phone buzzed and a "locomotivas da museo Macinhata do Vouga" appeared on screen . 'blast that shared device' 182 thought, but perhaps she would have tensed up even more seeing her twin's name.
With shaky hand she pressed the green button on the screen. Like yesterday as 181 appeared on the screen, 182 felt like the air was knocked out of her flutes.
"Hey.. " 181 said gently.
"H-hey, sorry, hold on i dont think i can hold the tablet very long" 'with the pain and the shaking' she thought in her head. So she proped up the tablet against one of the passenger car, but that meant 181 could see other things than just 182.
"Is that... your parts on the ground?"
"Hum... y-yeah"
181 winced.
"You must have killer joints pain."
182 chuckled
" nah smooth as ever" 182 said sarcastically, which proped a laugh from 181, the familiarity felt warm, but 182 wasnt here to play pretend, and 181 looked at her intently as she took a deep breath.
"Im... sorry about yesterday, i... and huh ... i got some things to tell you... that i should have said 40 years ago and..." she chuckled grimly.
"Dont interrupt me because... b-because i dont think ill be able to spill it out all if you do..." her voice felt caught up in her throat. But 181 only nodded, looking at her, like those days from the past, when the pain of those scratchy and badly made tenders gave both engines resless nights.
She took a deep breath.
"I... i have to come clean... about ..." 'own it, say it.' she repeated in her head, 181 still looking at her gently.
"I... i-i always felt like you were better than me... the better one out of the 2..." she paused, her throat still tight, but the flow of words were stronger.
"A-and i know its stupid ! But... you were always lucky with your crew, you got choosen for the museum, always more calmer and smarter than me and... i... i-i was jealous of your... love life... everyone always charmed by you and ...i envied you... so much..."
By then her voice was waving a bit, the shame and sadness creeping in her voice. 181 looked at her surprised, but thankfully said nothing, listenning to every words.
"When... w-when he decided to buy me, i... i was charmed, i felt like i had found somebody that understood me, other than you and....and when you told me you didn't trust him i..." she glared on the side, her eyes starting feel wet.
" i-i got defensive, it felt like a punch to the stomach and i felt jealous... i overreacted, instead of listenning to you ... b-because, i thought you didnt want me to be happy?"
It didnt meant to come out as a question, but her voice was wavering too much, she smiled, but that was a sad one.
"I-i know its dumb! But i always was, so guess it checks out hah..." she let out a bitter laugh.
"B-but...when what you warned me about became true... i-i didnt want to believe, i fought through the pain, denial was such a sweet word..."
She took another deep breath, a pause, but 181 stayed silent, her eyes sad and understanting, starting to have tears building up in her own eyes as well.
" i-i... after it hit me, i started... t-to feel ashamed, of myself?"
She started sobbing.
"I s-started thinking i deserved it... that your were right, and that because of sob o-of that fight you hated me..."
She waved her hands, looking at anything but the camera.
"A-and sob that you wouldnt want anything to do with me..."
She let out a shaky breath, before continuing.
"Those feelings stayed and grew for the past years... a-and i felt so...*sob* underserving of love... o-of your love... and that i deserved to... to rot..."
She couldnt say more before she bursted into tears.
181 waited patiently. The event of last night suddenly making sence in her head, the avoidence, because 182 probably did not think she deserved to talk about herself. Putting 181 first, and not considering her own feelings.
She waited for 182 to calm down, herself crying as well, but she had things to say as well.
"Y-you know, i feared you'd hate me as well... i...i thought i failed you..." she sobbed as well.
"I... i tried sending you letters... i... i imagine they never go to you..." she smiled saddly.
"Y-yeah...."
" g-guess i'll have to send you some more heh" she laughed, and sobbed at the same time.
And they stayed like that for a bit, calming themselves, joking around as the weight that was saddening their heart lifted off.
At some point 181 was scrutinising her twin, and, of course she noticed.
"Ask it."
"... what has he done to you ?..."
182 looked to the side, eyes distant, before she shook her head
"Well... appart from the fact he lost my water tanks, my cab roof, bented one of my break holders... and much more..." 181 grimaced, but refrained herself from saying anything.
"He..." 182 frowned, pain apparent on her face as she look down.
"He cut my breaks' arms..."
"HE WHAT???!" 181 growled, and had to stand up, and 182 was sure she never seen her twin so angry before.
"Im gonna kill him!"
"Good luck with that... 16, dont bother with him... please..."
181 took a deep breath and sat down. And 182 was almost sure she heard her say 'gonna send him dead rats...' under her breath.
She pretended to not have heard anything.
And after calming herself a bit, 181 asked.
"How... how's life at the gecp? I hope the other engines treat you well..."
182 chuckled, and smiled.
"Dont worry, they are very good to me heehee. Zz6 is a railcar from the 30s, and she is a lovely friend, there is this BA11 fella, he got cat ears, so i call him gatão hehe! 1404 is a grouchy engine, but means well. He... is the reason i managed to open up a bit..."
She smiled, before looking to the side.
"There is this 327 engines, she is very pretty and full of herself... she is very fun to tease and easy to rile up hahah!"
She said with a small dreamy tone, and 181 couldnt help but quirk an eyebrow, smiling.
"I take it you are not too bored then heh"
"I huh... i try heh... but the humans are nice... they are a fun bunch! Playing prank on each other heh, like a big family ! ...But i'll admit i still have some trouble socializing with them."
"They seem so nice yeah. But those things take time. I wish i was there.. "
They continued to talk about everything and nothing for a few hours, the mood much more comfortable. At some point, 182 took the tablet back in her hand, and 181 noticed her eyes moving over the screen, typing, with a mischief glint in her eyes.
"What'cha doing ?"
"Spamming the shared tchat with memes heehe"
181 had to laugh, before starting to do the same in a fit of chuckle.
"Wait for me !"
They spent the next 10 mintutes sending memes on the shared tchat for portuguese engines, and , laughed, when a certain "0186" sent memes back with a very cheery 'Hullo twins!'.
After they ended the call, 182 felt a relief she never had felt before. She still felt bad for a lot of things, it takes time after all, but perhaps now, she could try, she had a reason to.
I wanted to work on my comic art, what better idea to make my artfight idea ! since i didn't get the occasion or time to do it. Not the most cleaned coloured comic, i just wanted to fight comic artblock :]
Porti was left at Regua at the end of her service and was bought 4/5 years later, and i thought, i just want them to meet!! Portuguese engines are so cool :]
Henlooooo time for a brand new line up of the gecp's engines heehee :]
+ A bonus restaured e182 ! i've decided to keep the wheelchair, because she has chronic pain in her legs, specifically the ankle, so she can't stand much long depending on days
Last one was from 2024 so ough, did i progress quite a bit heehee
I just read the story you posted and I really, really enjoyed it, it was a great piece of writing.
I've heard of you before (i love your art!!) and interacted with some of your posts but I'm curious to learn more about your characters and the worldbuilding around it!! Is it an AU of something or it's own thing, how does the engine-to-human form thing work? (among other questions). I'm not super familar but i'd love to know more about ut!
LAST THING i swear;
would narrow gauge engines be smaller as humanoids??? :3
Oh my gosh thank you so much for the kind words! It means a lot ;u;
Alos, omg omg om, there is SO MUCH i'd love to talk about my babies!!!
For a starter, it's both an own thing and an AU? It's like, the real world we live in except engines are alive and can turn into humanoids AND Sodor is real bcs i said so. I post mostly about the GECP's engines as its an association im part of, and therefore see the engines often teheee!
As for how the humanoid-engine work... there are many things going on really, but let's say: Engines in their real form are alive and talk (though no faces), however they have this ability to turn into humanoids forms! Like that!
However it has a few rules, one being, if they walk away and turn back into their engine form... They'll go back to the place they tranformed!
It is also instand since it's their true form, therefore easier to turn into.
But it also have it's fair share of problems, like, if the engine pass out or turn back into an engine when something is in the area they transformed?... Errrr well sudden appearence of matter into matter isn't the best...
As for the sizes, it is both engine size and gauge size!
As you can see even if 2 engines are the same gauge, the height can still vary due to the engine's size (Porti being one of the biggest 1m gauge engine next to the Bretonne). 70cm gauge engines are the ones that tend to be the same size as humans!
Again thank you for the kind words ! And please don't hesitate to ask more i adore talking about my blorblos zejgzrhtjh
