lo !!! for you .. american gods au that i might or might not complete at some point idk ;-;
He’s screaming, his voice trembling with the force of it. Valtteri has never heard him like this before, has never seen him so angry – though maybe angry is not the right word.
“Well, of course I loved you,” he says, blinking at Lewis, and Lewis stops short, breathing hard.
“Did you want to?” he asks.
Lewis looks at him for a moment, as if begging him to say something. Something that Lewis wants – no, needs – to hear. Something that will make all of this worth it.
He stays silent. He was never a very good liar.
Lewis collapses onto the ratty old couch, face in his hands. His entire body is shaking, and it takes Valtteri a second to realize that it is from the force of his sobs. He feels bad, then, suddenly, as bad as he is capable of in his numbed state.
“Please don’t,” he says quietly.
Lewis shakes his head, face still hidden. “You don’t,” he says, voice thick and shaky and muffled into his fingers. “Don’t you – don’t you dare say anything to me—” He stops again. “You don’t get to – you don’t get to say—” He stops again, the sentence ending on a sob.
Valtteri slowly, hesitantly sits down next to him. He thinks of reaching out, and then stops, his hand an inch from Lewis’s shoulder. “Lewis,” he says, and then stops.
“Don’t,” says Lewis again, and takes a great, shuddering breath before taking his hands off his face. Valtteri is struck once more with his beauty, though once again it is an odd moment to think of it. He does not think Lewis would appreciate a compliment right now. Human social etiquette is a bit hard to remember these days, but this much he is pretty sure of.
“I said don’t.” He lets out a harsh laugh, tears still clinging to his lashes. “I should have – I never should have bothered with you. I should have just … fucked Seb instead.”
“You don’t mean that,” Valtteri says, though he feels something resembling hurt anyway. “You are only saying that because you’re angry.”
“No,” lies Lewis, and then, in the same breath, “Yes,” and then he’s sobbing again.
