#huntie

[lenanohmeow]

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Day 114:

All I wanted was to love you & to be loved by you.

[lenanohmeow]

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Day 112:

Do souls know when one is thinking of the other? And are people who are meant to be together really end up apart? And how do I fix this giant tectonic plate sized hole you’ve left in my figurative heart when you decided I was no longer what you wanted in your future? And how come you’ve never set foot in my room yet even in my own bed I can’t escape you? And will anyone ever come along in my life and make me believe otherwise about people and their intentions and the theory of love? And why were we never able to fix the gaping holes in our relationship? And will I ever see you again? How many more days till I can think of your name and your face and your laugh and feel absolutely nothing? Why did you go?

[lenanohmeow]

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Day 88:

At this time last year I was still driving 2 and half hours to and from your room because I had nowhere else to live and you were the only thing certain in my life. 

I had this specific playlist that I would listen to because I was so happy from spending the weekend or whenever with you, and I’d imagine our future together and the drive would fly by and as soon as my work day ended, I’d be ready to drive back to you. 

We spent so many moments at the beach, I started associating you with the waves and the sand and it only made me love my favorite place in the world more than I already did. 

It astounds me that someone that once meant so much to me and was there for me like no one else could suddenly turn around and decide that I mean nothing to them, that all the things they did for me weren’t signs of anything and that they hate me.

[lenanohmeow]

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Day 74:

You never occupied the space around me but somehow you still manage to make me feel like I’m suffocating in my own life.

It feels so strange to not belong to you although others have tried to claim my body as theirs, and the thought of you with someone else makes me insane.

Why do you still feel so familiar? I can still picture your face first thing in the morning, and I can still relate to the anticipation of seeing you after a weekend apart and I still miss driving your tiny car and the pride of being yours hasn’t faded away. Even though it no longer applies.

I’m not okay and I can’t help but wish you’re not okay and I hope you never find someone else and I hope you realize how much you’ve hurt me and at the same time I want to forgive you and I just want to let this go.

[lenanohmeow]

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Day 14:

It still seems strange to me that from one second to the next, you ceased to be mine.

And the world just continued.

No textonic plates shifted, no volcano erupted, no cosmic explosion or anything of that sort.

My life just kept going but in that second, everything changed.

And I can’t call you anymore to tell you about my day, and I can’t tell you about the things I’m excited about, and I can’t ask you if you’ve ate today, and I can’t look forward to having you in my bed.

Your life is no longer my business and that’s the strangest thing of all. I wonder what you’re doing at the oddest times of the day. And I do my best to keep myself busy but I still can’t help but feel mad, angry, upset, hurt, betrayed by you.

I haven’t come to terms with it yet and I’m telling myself that it’s okay. I find myself talking about you as if you were still in my life and daydreaming of a day with you in it.

But time will pass, and the wind will blow, and the birds will sing, and the seasons will change, and the sun will rise and set, and I’ll continue to be okay and you’ll continue to not be mine and life will continue to be.

[lenanohmeow]

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Day 2:

Loving you was exhausting. Loving you is exhausting

I have to keep reminding myself that you didn't think I was trustworthy; that you didn’t think I was anything worthy really and that all this time must have been just one huge waste. 

I have to keep reminding myself that we disagreed on too many things and had different plans on too many accounts and that being on my own is empowering and that the good thing about being apart 80% of the year was that there’s no traces of you in the places around me but if that’s the case then tell me why my chest feels like it’s trapped under a cement block and when I think of your name or your eyes or the way your laugh lit up the emptiness around me I can’t breathe and the sky can’t seem to stay still and going out at night doesn’t seem appealing if I don't have you to FaceTime when I come home and oh my god doesn’t that sound like the most pathetic thing ever.

I can’t be who you want me to be and I can’t shrink myself to fit your idea of what love is and I can’t change the fact that I’m in love with you but I can keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep hoping that with the days that pass, I’ll slowly start forgetting all the moments we had together. 

But someone send out a lifeboat for me, because the storm just started and I’m already drowning. 

[kyanpalmer]

move over honey boo boo, hunty boo boo is in town

[neonstreetthrowup]

girl, same