im so sorry this turned out so long
so idk if anyone has ever gathered this, but i might have some self esteem issues.
for a long time i wore Jeans And A T-shirt, with a hoodie if it was cold. in middle and early high school i was never really a tom boy, but i rejected a lot of feminine things because it felt easier to say i didnt enjoy it rather than say it was because i think i'd look bad/stupid wearing it.
as i got older and left high school, i still have a bit of anxiety about wearing anything other than pants and a shirt, but ive started inching my way towards trying out fashion styles ive been interested in for a while, particularly kawaii style and its various sub categories. youve probably seen that i draw my persona in cute shirts and skirts and thigh highs and hair accessories, but up until very recently the bravest thing i did was finally convincing myself i could wear a skirt. i still get nervous that im just not the kind of person who can pull some of the styles im interested in off, especially because im someone who doesnt wear make up and isnt interested in ever learning how to wear make up.
one thing ive always loved and wanted to wear was thigh highs, but it almost scared me to even think about actually trying to wear them. well, i needed some new shoes, and while i was ordering some the site i was on also offered different kinds of socks... including thigh highs.
my order of a new pair of boots and three different pairs of thigh high socks came in today. and its kind of embarrassing to admit but...
im still really nervous to wear them out, my first opportunity to do so being friday. but right now, im wearing them as i lay in bed, kicking my legs and wiggling my toes and getting really... idk emotional? i had a strange moment of, for lack of better term, euphoria when i first put them on.
its a small step, and it seems really silly. but, i cant help but feel like some part of me might finally be healing a little bit. that sounds really dramatic and dumb but kdjdhdk idk.
i just like my new socks.
