Man, I'm just sitting here in total darkness, alone, can't sleep. Just me and my thoughts. I hate it. I hate that the reason for this is because I messed something special up. I fucking ruined it, and it's nobody's fault but my own. I'm stupid as hell. I hate how you realize shit, after it's all over. Like you REALLY start seeing shit in a more clear manner. The shoulda, woulda, coulda's start to sink in and the fucking pain is unbearable. I can't stop crying. I never experienced genuine love like that. Everything about him blew me the fuck away. I knew he was perfect before I lost him, but in the end I was powerless to stop it. Maybe I needed to lose him, to humble myself and appreciate what/who I have in my life. To do better next time. To love better, be a better woman/girlfriend/wife. To love myself. But right now my brain doesn't want to hear that shit. And I don't have the strength to carry on. I feel so lost. Gonna be on my emo shit for a good 30 years. So go ahead and unfollow me now. If you're reading this. I'm so sorry for not being able to love you properly. To nurture you, to be your support, to be your guide, like you were for me. I did all the wrong things and it kills me inside. I'm gonna miss what we had. And I know you'll keep in touch and you'll always be there for me but...it just won't feel the same. I can't look at you anymore. No more pictures, no more videos. I dont think I can be myself around you. I told you, I'm not strong enough to be your friend right now. I'll cry every time you send me something, or just text me a simple hello. I love you so fucking much. I need to heal this bleeding heart. I will be alright eventually. So don't worry to much ok. Go and live your best life and thrive my angel. You most definitely deserve it.