Memos
From: [email protected] To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Staffing
Dear Grovelling Servants, It has come to my attention that there have been a number of staffing concerns that have risen with this summer’s restructuring, and want to clear everything up right now, to avoid any office awkwardness [winking cat emoji]. First of all let me address the “Snape Issue”. Yes he is on our side. “But Master,” many of you snivelling, yet valued, employees wail, “He isn’t loyal. He didn’t go to Azkaban. He didn’t show up at the graveyard.” Well you know what? Snape gets the job done. How do I know? Because he told me so himself. Now is this job any concrete or actionable intelligence? No. But think about it. Dumbledore trusts him, he’s right next to Harry Potter, and he has done nothing to discredit his cover as a loyal supporter of that confusticated order. See he’s spying on Dumbledore for us, but he told Dumbledore he’s spying on us, but he told us that he told Dumbledore. I know it’s confusing, but so was Inception, and that movie was amazing#leoshouldhavegottenthatoscarwaysoonerseriouslywhatwasthedealwiththatamiright? In lighter news I’d like to announce our new internship program! If you know any young wizards who are curious about an exciting career in the dark arts please Janet in HR as asked that you forward her all references, and something called a CV. I have no clue what that is, but it sounds exciting. Last of all I’d like to remind everyone to PLEASE READ THESE. Dark Marks are good for secret councils and bar nights, but not for conveying long memos! So please remember to read these, as often as you can. Email isn’t only more secure, but much less likely to defecate on you, especially since Rob and the IT team fixed that bug last week (thanks Rob!) Death to Muggles, Lord Voldemort