I am the third child of four but my oldest sister moved out when I was young because she is so much older than my older brother and I (we are just over a year apart in age). So for most of my life it was just my brother and myself until my little sister came along when I was 10. So for eight years I lived in a house with three children: my older brother, little sister, and me
As the middle sibling I had to compete with my older brother while looking after my little sister. But for some reason I have always been the protector of the other two, even if they never knew it. I have always been that sort, the one who helps without drawing attention and then not taking credit for it.
I figured out the toothfairy wan’t real way before my older brother. And one night he lost a tooth and put it under his pillow without telling our parents about it, so naturally the toothfairy wasn’t going to be coming that night. I waited awake for five hours to make sure he was asleep before sneaking three of my own dollars under his pillow (we usually got like 50 cents). I will never forget his excitement in the morning and how good it made him feel. My parents figured it out and offered to pay me back (and then some) but I didn’t accept it. I just did it because it would have killed me to see him so crushed. To this day he still doesn’t know about this.
Around the time my sister turned 3 or 4 she went through a phase where she was terrified of the dark. Every night she would wake up and cry because she was scared and she didn’t share a room with anyone. At the time I was going through extreme emotional problems due to an emotional disorder I have been dealing with for a long time, I was pretty hardcore goth, and I was stuck in a cycle of self-harm. But every night around one in the morning she would wake up crying and every night I would go into her room to comfort her. If she were scared enough sometimes I would carry her into my room and let her sleep by my side until I woke up for school. I would carry her back to her room and she would wake up a few hours later unaware of it ever happening. She was young so I doubt she remembers. My parents also never really knew about this one so I am the only one who ever even knew she would wake up crying, Eventually it stopped and I don’t think she is so afraid of the dark anymore because of my comforting her.
I don’t really know why I have been thinking about this stuff. I just thought I would make a post about it since I am stressed and just need to vent some thought/feelings.
