👑 …someone my muse is jealous of.
Jealousy comes so naturally to Simon. It’s not something he likes about himself, but it’s true. He’s jealous of so many people, he sometimes loses count. It’s not all people he knows, either. Sometimes, he’s jealous of strangers. Of people on the street who don’t have criminal records they only half-earned, of people with jobs and steady paychecks and someone holding their hands. But this isn’t to say he’s not jealous of people in his life. This isn’t to say the vast majority of his envy isn’t saved for the people he loves in a way that he hates himself for.
“Jessica’s good at this,” he sighs, and he hates himself a little more because Jessica deserves to be good at this. After everything she’s gone through, everything she’s overcome, Jessica deserves to do whatever makes her happy, whatever makes her chest feel less tight and her shoulders less tense. But that jealousy is there, anyways. It has been since he met her. “She doesn’t think she is, but she is. She’s just --- Being a hero is something she was built for, I think.”
(It was not something Simon was built for. He’s known that since long before that ring found him. He’s just waiting, most days, for the rest of the world to catch up. And it’s selfish, the way he hopes it doesn’t. Jessica deserves to do whatever makes her happy, and she deserves to do it with a better partner than him.)
“She helps people. Like, really helps people. Not just physically, you know? She knows how to help them in other ways. How to teach them to breathe around the panic, how to help them get out from under it. And I don’t --- I’ve never been good at that. I can pull a guy out of a coma, I can cure a Red Lantern of their rage, I can see the future, but I don’t know how to help her when things get bad. And she knows how to help me. She always has. And I just...” He trails off, smile small and uncertain. “I wish I was more like her.” @anxietylanterncruz