The world had never been fair to people like them. It took everything, their parents, their childhoods, every moment that should have been sacred, was doused with a different fire that threatened to ruin them at a momentâs notice. They had learned to find love in the crevices of the worst places, holding onto feelings and people they probably shouldnât because being around someone who wasnât a match for you was better than being alone. And she understood that impulse too. The thought of walking out that door without Dick was terrifying. She was wondering who sheâd lean on now - if anyone at all.
Maybe this was better. Not having a team. Not leaning on anyone else. Not worrying about anyone else and just focusing on the work. âI know you are.â Dick never hurt the people he loved intentionally. He wore his heart on his sleeve and he was the first one to jump in front of a bullet for a person - even a stranger. He was good in all the ways that Zatanna wished she could be. But being good didnât mean they were compatible. And he deserved someone who could follow that same path he was one. Someone who would make him a better version of himself rather than pushing against everything he believed in and arguing with him over the smallest of things.
He deserved to be happy. And Zatanna knew that wasnât going to happen at her side. (And she knew she wasnât going to find that for herself at his, either.)
âIâm sorry too,â she whispered in response. The posture she had been forcing herself into finally crumbling as she realized that they were at the end. That this⌠all of it, was over. Her father had died, she had broken up with her boyfriend⌠and none of it felt like a fresh start. But what was a fresh start supposed to look like? What had it looked like when her father had lost her mother?
Inhaling sharply, she nodded her head. Staying would have been easier. He could have sat with her and they could have maybe talked about things over a cup of tea - but all those things were⌠it was too much for Zatanna. Right now, she needed space. She needed to breathe without someone else at her side. She needed to grieve her relationship and her father and figure out what she was supposed to do now.
(Maybe that empty feeling was the fresh start. Telling her it was all waiting to be filled with something new.)
âI think that might be for the best,â Zatanna said thickly, her voice barely above a whisper because she knew if she was too loud sheâd end up in a worse state than she was already in. âGoodbye, Dick.â
Things were meant to get easier the more you did them. Dick had practiced flips and trapeze tricks since heâd first learned to toddle from one side of the room to the other, had gone from all scrapes and bruises to landing on his feet time and time again. Heâd trained as Robin until his bloody fingers turned to callouses, did the same for Nightwing. Practice made perfect, and doing something over and over again was supposed to pay off in the end. You were supposed to get better at it, supposed to learn to breathe around the strain in your chest and adjust to the pounding of your heart.
But he still didnât know how to be left like this.
He should have. At this point, he really should have learned how to pick up the pieces when someone was gone, because heâd done it so often now that it was second only to those flips and tricks in the context of things he had experience with. His parents slipped through his fingers, Bruce fired him, Jason died, the Titans broke up⌠losing people should have been easy by now, but Dick still felt like he had the first time heâd ever leaped from one roof to the next. His knees hurt with the impact, anxiety was choking out adrenaline, and his heart was in his throat. He should be better at this. He should be so much better.
âYou donât have to apologize,â he told her quietly, because what had she done but let him go? It wasnât her fault that tragedy had put the rest of the world in perspective, wasnât her fault that Dick was so clingy and so terrified of being left that he would beg anyone to love him no matter how much they needed him gone. All Zee had ever done was what she thought was right. For herself, for him, for the world.Â
And still, part of him hoped sheâd ask him to stay. Part of him held onto that selfish, stupid desire that sheâd pull out a chair and let him sit down, that sheâd change her mind and love him again even when this had been over for a while now. This wasnât the end, he knew â the end happened a long time ago. This was just the two of them admitting to it.Â
Swallowing, Dick nodded his head and turned, walking to the door. He hesitated in the entryway for a moment, chest tight. âGoodbye, Zee,â he whispered back, the words settling into the air between them. Before he could lose himself in the weight of them, he stepped through the door. He pretended the distance eased the pain. He pretended anything would.
