#hypervigilant

[lalalalina29]

Ternyata satu pola

yang mengikat

di balik bilik

aku tak perlu takut

sepatu-sepatu kotor

berserakan

aku mengadu

iya dan tidak

sendirian

ini kendali?

tanggung jawab?

area abu-abu

ingin kutoreh hitam

aku tumbuh

berjuang

meski

semu

menggerogoti jantung

di ujung

aku makin membisu

menatap sepatu-sepatu

masih kotor

[thecelestialbalancer8]

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . she felt that way for much of her life, that she must not rest, become complacent. That the worst thing waited, always, just outside the door.

Abigail Dean, from The Death of Us

[eldrytchcryptid]

REALISED I HAVE MAJOR HYPERVIGILANT TRAITS HELLO?

[alostlittleriverlotus]

My gf: Howdy

Me: *screams and curses then keeps going "ah!" in a slightly monotone voice for exactly 3 times* Fuck you.

I am actually so fucking jumpy. I shit you not. 💀 My mom called my name and I had heard her come out of her room and I legitimately jumped and yelled "GAH!!!!!" And that's the average experience here. And my mom just went "Oh that's where you are" after I did that. I'm a jumpy little shit. Holy fuck. Even when I know someone is there by listening to footsteps or some shit.

[alostlittleriverlotus]

Bruh. The amount of times I get jumpscared at my name being called. Like. Okay. Yeah yeah traumatic reasons why I'm so jumpy and get scared at every fucking tiny thing and noise.

But also it's so fucking funny. Me just falling asleep or resting my eyes and jolting awake yelling "I'm awake!" My mom calling my name in the same room and me jumping and just yelling which also makes her jump and get scared and she just goes "I'm never gonna get used to that."

It's gotten really bad and sometimes it is genuinely stressful. But it's also funny. Wifey purposefully tries to scare me when she gets back from shit like a little bitch. And she laughs when I get all scared. And I'll be embarrassed about it then she goes "I'm just used to it by now. It's normal for you."

I honestly fucking love that. Me admitting something embarrassing or weird from a very sensitive and traumatized place. And her just instantly accepting it cause she's seen and heard worse and she knows I'm so fucked up by now. That kinda just acceptance and love is fucking amazing.

[alostlittleriverlotus]

Hate the fact that just hearing cars and car doors outside makes us tense up and jump. Hearing people speak in our house esp if we can't hear them makes us terrified they're talking about us and we're being ratted out. Hate the fact that people walking in the house and doors opening and closing makes us so jumpy. Our parents aren't even here, they're on vacation, yet we are still so fucking jumpy and anxious. Every car door and car we hear makes us feel like we have to run and hide stuff. I hate this so fucking much. I hate never feeling fucking safe in this house. It's genuinely so fucking annoying. Like plz just fucking stop perceiving danger when there is none. I wish it was that easy.

[believemeallisbrilliant]

.