“Touch me! It's so easy to leave me All alone with a memory Of my days in the sun... If you touch me, You'll understand what happiness is... Look -- a new day has begun.”
~“Memory (cover),” by Jakub Hübner
x~x~x~x
One of the worst parts by far about being a vampire is that being around any non-vampires -- especially humans -- is a constant struggle. A vampire’s hypersensory sensitivity makes it so that they hear every heartbeat and can smell the delicious aroma of blood from a considerable distance, and it can trigger a blood lust that makes their organs throb painfully and can even make them turn into a mad, rabid animal, if they’re hungry enough. This is why the vampire called Bat Varney is so diligent about keeping a respectful distance from people, covering his nose and mouth with a scarf when walking in crowds, and drinking from his enchanted blood flask constantly.
Now as much as an ordinary person would probably feel resentment and grief at not being able to be close to and touch anyone else, Bat was surprisingly resilient about the whole thing. Naturally, there were a few times he wished he could touch someone without immediately chugging blood, covering his face with his scarf and/or drawing away -- when Danny Gibson @catohphm first won Ravenclaw the Quidditch Cup and Bat so wanted to ruffle his hair with pride; when he first learned about Ann Smith’s @danceworshipper condition and Bat had thought of taking her hand to comfort her; when Adelia Selwyn @that-ravenpuff-witch and Teddy Ellison got married and Bat was so happy that he wished he could’ve kissed the new bride on the forehead; and when his mate Professor Atticus Grimsley @cursebreakerfarrier was troubled, or anxious, or having trouble sleeping, or even just smiling or talking about his books or getting excited about trains -- and Bat so wanted to just be able to take Atticus’s shoulder and squeeze it, the way he used to for his friends Barty and Cecelia, back in the day...back when he was still Robert...back when he was still human.
Then one day, in 1912, Bat was surprised by one of the younger members of the Honeydukes family coming upstairs to the attic where he was meditating. It wasn’t common for anyone to visit Bat in the daytime, as even if he couldn’t sleep, it was far too bright for him to really walk around or do much of anything, but the young woman smiled self-consciously and admitted that she’d been working on a present for Bat, as a “thank you” for him being such a good friend to their family since she was a child. She’d learned about a kind of hard sugar candy that people attached to little sticks (which years later would be given the name “lollipops”), so she decided to try her hand at making some of her own, and she really wanted Bat to try out what she’d made.
Bat raised an eyebrow and reminded her that food and drink really doesn’t satisfy him anymore, but the young Honeydukes insisted, so he relented. As soon as he took one of the red pops from her, he could detect the scent of blood coming off of it, and it visibly startled him.
“I-I call them Blood Pops!” said the dark-skinned girl with a shy, uncomfortable smile. “...Will...will you let me know if you like them?”
Bat stuck the Blood Pop in his mouth -- and yes, indeed...he did! Not for the taste, no, of course not -- but it was blood...only hardened into a candy he could keep in his mouth and suck on little by little, rather than having to constantly reach for his flask. It was a sweet that likely couldn’t make the Honeydukes family any real money, since it would only be good for vampires, and yet...this sweet girl had made it all the same, just for him.
Bat’s scarlet eyes were very bright as he stared, disbelieving and incredibly touched, at the hesitant girl. Then, his face breaking into a huge fanged smile around the blood lollipop, he was just barely able to choke out a “thank you.” The young woman beamed from ear to ear and she gave Bat an entire large pack of them, so that he could try them out properly while he walked around that evening.
Bat sucked on several more Blood Pops as the evening drew near, taking stock of his senses. He’d felt fuller than he had in a long time -- it made him feel healthier somehow, stronger. It made him excited despite himself, and that feeling only increased as he came down the stairs into the sweet shop with a Blood Pop in his mouth and did not immediately feel the urge to cover his nose and mouth with his scarf to block out the scents of the people in the room. He inhaled through his nose, enjoying the wonderful smells of the candy and of everyone’s perfume -- and yet, with a suck of the lollipop, he didn’t feel his stomach slamming up against his insides or his head throbbing with a migraine. Bat’s heart began to race (fast enough that he had to put a fresh lollipop in his mouth after having finished the last one), and he immediately set off to find his associate “Grim.”
As luck would have it, Atticus had just arrived in Hogsmeade when Bat left Honeydukes. Upon seeing the middle-aged Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Bat couldn’t stop himself from running over to him.
“Grim!”
Atticus was smiling at the sight of him. “Evening, Bat. You seem to be in good spirits...”
He noticed the stick poking out of Bat’s mouth, his eyebrows rising in slight surprise. He’d never seen Bat eat anything before -- the vampire had already made it clear that food and drink didn’t satisfy him.
“New treat from Honeydukes?” asked Atticus.
Bat, however, brushed the question aside. His scarlet eyes bore very sharply into Atticus’s face.
“Grim,” he said lowly, “...sit still a minute, will you?”
Atticus blinked, both startled and confused, but did so. Bat inhaled slowly through his nose, almost nervously -- then, sucking at the Blood Pop in his mouth, he raised both of his hands. They trembled as he lowered them little by little, until they’d finally come down onto Atticus’s shoulders.
The contact made Bat subconsciously flinch. The professor’s own posture faltered too as he took a very quiet, but sharp intake of breath. Bat’s hands were still trembling as they lingered on Atticus’s shoulders...and then gave them a light squeeze.
Bat’s head and shoulders fell slightly as he stared at his own hands, hardly daring to believe it. He could feel Atticus’s pulse through his jacket and skin as always, and yet...his blood lust wasn’t raging. He wasn’t in pain. The blood lollipop in his mouth was satisfying his hunger enough that he could actually...
Bat’s mouth spread into a wide, weak, fanged smile around the lollipop in his mouth.
“I...” he said through his teeth, “...I can do it.”
A weak, shaking laugh fell from his lips.
“Ha...I...I can do it! Ha...ha...I can do it! I CAN DO IT!”
Bat squeezed Atticus’s shoulders that bit tighter, moving a bit closer so that it was more like a quasi-hug, as he struggled to hold in his broken, manic laughter.
Atticus’s face slowly spread into an open-mouthed, amazed smile as well, his eyes growing wider and brighter.
“Your blood lust...” said the professor softly, “...it’s not bothering you?”
Bat was still laughing brokenly, his face filled with so much joy it looked like it was hurting him. “Ha...no! No! It’s these...‘Blood Pops!’ I’ve been sucking on them for the last two hours, and...and they work, Grim! I was able to walk downstairs into Honeydukes, and I didn’t have to immediately walk outside! I could just smell and smell -- the scent of everyone’s cologne and their leather gloves and the butterbeer and the caramel -- and I wasn’t hungry, Grim! I didn’t have to reach for my flask -- there wasn’t any pain, none at all -- no headaches, nothing -- ”
His scarlet eyes were filling up with tears.
Atticus’s face was as bright as a sunbeam by now. He always looked so much younger, whenever he smiled -- it always melted a good twenty years off of him, without fail. His own blue eyes sparkling, the professor tentatively reached out and gently brought his hands down onto Bat’s shoulders, returning the quasi-hug. Bat gave another subconscious flinch at the contact, but he didn’t pull away.
“This...it’s such wonderful news, Bat,” mumbled Atticus. It was clear that he was getting a bit emotional too, just seeing how happy his counterpart was. “I’m so happy for you.”
Atticus’s hands on his shoulders -- Bat tried to remember how long it had been since he’d let anyone touch him.
He had never been particularly enamored of touching in general, while he was human -- he’d only really ever showed physical affection with those he was closest to, namely Barty, Cecelia, Loretta, and his mother. But after so long...after not having a choice about whether he could show or receive physical affection, even with the people he’d grown to care about...Atticus showing him such a simple, caring gesture, and Bat actually being able to accept it...to enjoy the softness of his touch without being overcome by the sound of his quickened heart-rate or his savory scent...
It was all too much for Bat’s heart to take. His head and shoulders fell further and began to quake with sobs. Tears streamed from his closed eyes as his shaking hands clutched at the shoulders of Atticus’s suit jacket.
Atticus had never seen Bat cry so hard, but he knew that they weren’t tears of sorrow, but of joy. The kind of joy that made one’s heart ache in relief, like one’s lungs hurt after almost drowning and finally getting a nice long breath of air. Despite himself, the professor couldn’t make himself worry about whether or not the Blood Pops would be enough to let him get closer -- instead he adjusted his arms, releasing Bat’s shoulders, so that he could instead wrap them around the taller vampire’s head and back as best he could in a full hug.
Bat choked around his Blood Pop. Atticus looked at him, some concern flickering through his face.
“Robert?” he asked very softly. “Are you...?”
“Grim...I...” mumbled Bat.
He didn’t seem able to say anything else through his sobs. Instead he kind of slowly folded in the smaller man’s arms, tentatively resting his head on Atticus’s shoulder as his shaking hands clutched at his back.
Atticus’s blue eyes filled with tears too. He himself hadn’t been this close to anyone in years, but he knew for Bat, it had to have been so much longer...it had to feel so much warmer, so much more...fulfilling.
The two men couldn’t stay in each other’s arms that long, as even Blood Pops don’t last forever and soon Bat had to dislodge himself so he could put a new one in his mouth...but oh, did it not matter! Just having the freedom to touch and be touched again, after a hundred and fifty years...
It was enough. Merlin’s beard, it was enough.
