Summary: 420 reflects on McCoy leaving, and makes a new decision.
Notes: References to the fic Thursday are in here.
She should've seen it coming.
Little One had had that horrible dream at first. Waking up, and both feeling as though that shouldn't be. A dream where McCoy had gone insane. Killing everyone and everything in some twisted form of saving them. The details afterward had become fuzzy... Incoherent. As though she was forced to forget.
Well enough for her. That was a horrid night. But then he had disappeared. What little word she received had been that he'd delved into a coma. Every few nights, she'd set up a small space. A rooftop, not too far away from the apartment he was in. Grab binoculars. Look through the window to see his face...
It almost reminded her of last time... Waiting on him each night to show. She was so sure he'd wake up, and she'd see that wonderful smile of his again. Forget how much of a monster he became in that dream and hold onto what scraps of sanity she had left.
But then she stopped coming. Things were changing for her. She was finally getting a stable relationship with someone else. Whether or not she deserved Fawkes' and Jericho's love, Dapper did. So she stayed. Her unknown visits became fewer and farther between.
But she still wanted that smile of his.
Tonight was different. It'd been so long since she last visited. Seen Lila tending over him or the little baby girl coming in. She almost wondered if it was worth it this time. But this time her eyes found nothing.
Not a form. Not anything.
It hurt a lot more then it should've. She wandered a bit closer, peering in through the window close up.
There was nothing.
As the oil welled up, she slinked down the stairs and the side of the building. Twice. This was twice now he died on her... And this time, it didn't hurt so much.
If anything, she wanted to scream. That bastard... The only thing good from her past. Literally the ONLY thing she hadn't screwed up and ruined... And he was gone again. She'd ruined anything with Eric. Harvey and Opal had killed her. McCoy had disappeared before any of that... Yes, him "dying" the first time had started a long and horrible cycle in 420's life, but she had accepted it as fact. Finding McCoy again had given her a glimmer of hope... Maybe. Maybe things weren't that horrible.
Maybe she could be loved.
But now he was gone again. Bastard could die so easily it seemed... The first time it was horrible. Having to find out he died right after she left, and from a kid no less. Leaving him moonshine on the dock. But at least then had been a week of pure bliss. Both of them uncorrupted and loving.
Now wasn't the case. He loved her, yes... But only what she had been. Who Little One was. And now he was gone again.
Stopping in her tracks, 420 looked down, delving into her processor. Little One had new memories of McCoy. Trying to explain to her he was gone... It would be just like before. Already she had met so many bots that were gone now, or were missing... Jitterbug and Two-Step. Peter. That stupid Ruskie, Lyov. Caspian. Fidget. But McCoy was different. He knew her from before, before she gone mad. And soon enough, she'd feel hated and unloved... All because her past caught up to her.
No. No, she wouldn't have that. Best to think her past, 420's life, was nothing but horror and misery. No love or kindness. She never kept that.
"Transf'r memory files a' Poolcue McCoy to Green Matt'ah."
And now she would keep this. If McCoy ever did come back, she'd give these back.
But now Dapper forgot.
420 would remember.
She always remembered those who left.
Even if they tricked her into thinking she was capable of being loved again. Fool her once, shame on him. Twice... Shame on her.
