#i don'tknow

[life-in-the-freefall]

"Saying “I don’t know” when you don’t know something is half of knowledge. Not saying “in my opinion” or “I think…” but simply “I don’t know” is a big jihad (inner struggle) because it’s harder on the ego."

-Shaykh Abdul Karim Yahya covering Imam Ghazali’s ‘Book of Knowledge’

[life-in-the-freefall]

“Ben bilmem” “I do not know”

Master Taptuk Emre goes to Yunus's room to tell him that he wants to give him a very important duty, which can only be done by Yunus in their dergah. Yunus gets excited. But to his surprise and disappointment, the Master says; 'from this day on, I am giving you the zikr of "I don't know". Whenever someone asks you something, instead of giving your opinion, you are to say "I don't know."

 (may Allah sanctify their secrets.)

[lets-look-for-something-better]

I miss the rage

Because it’s more than just the fury; that all-consuming fire in my gut that made it clench around nothing, the way my hands would shake and I would see double. That was when it came to the surface.

But I miss the silent rage. The cold anger that hid beneath the surface, affecting everything I touched. That intensity which drove me, steered me and pushed me towards some end or another.

The motivation and the fuel behind my entire life was my anger. It drove me to study, to exercise, to work. It bubbled there, never disappearing. Even in my happiest moments, it would dwell nearby, ready to spring at a moments notice.

I miss the way I could hold onto that anger for hours, days even. The way I could lose myself in the furious fire and block out all else, focusing all of the pent-up energy into one singular purpose. 

Now, I cannot hold onto it. Now I can only taste that power I used to command before feeling it slip away into apathy. The boiling anger that had been my drive has burnt out, leaving me hollow. 

Sometimes it’s hard to just make myself get out of bed to eat in the morning.

I miss my rage.

[gromit-we-forgot-the-crackers]

am i intimidating

[hushitisme]

Since a certain holiday is coming up.. I want to take the time to say how thankful I am for all the people I know and for all the people I have yet to know. It might sound silly thanking people I don’t know personally,or people I will never know, but I think you all deserve some form of thanks. You’re alive, doing your best, and maybe even trying to figure out how you can go on the next day, or something like that, and I’m thankful that you choose to remain. But, I’m also thankful for the people who couldn’t when they deserved to be around just as much as anyone who is still alive. A lot of people will shame them and call them cowards, but I think we all know it takes another form of courage to end your life sooner than it is to carry on in some personal hell. And for others that have deaths that go unheard, or ignored because it doesn’t make a good enough story, they deserve a thanks too. I hope all of this makes sense.. But, I just want you all to know.. You are loved. And, you will always be loved. In life and in death. You’re important to someone, no matter if another thinks you’re garbage, that someone still thinks the world of you.

[my-wayward-son-carry-on]

so im on break from school next week....

and since i’ve been so bad with blind!dean...i wanna dub it blind!dean week, and just post a shiiittt ton of blind!dean stuff HHHMMMMMmmmMMMMM