Learning is hard but I also understand how hard it is to unlearn things.
When you are accustomed to allowing things to happen to you because of who someone is, or how old they are, or whatever excuse it is we make nowadays for toxic behavior, it is hard to see that behavior as wrong. It is hard to understand something when it is happening to you even though you could see it happening plain as day to someone else. The maddening part is we simply do it because for so long it has been allowed.
Allowances are another thing I have learned to live with and no longer have any place in my life.
Things become uncomfortable when you stop allowing people to behave whatever way they like with your time. Because to put it simply, that’s what it is. People acting how they would like to regardless of how that makes you feel. That might be hard to read, believe me it was hard to write. It happens to me more than I care to admit. I come to a place where I sacrifice what I feel because other people think it’s the right thing to do. Or the right thing to say or the right thing NOT to say.
The truth is, the only right thing to do is what YOU feel in your heart. Other people may not understand what that entails - be it distance, disagreement, or silence, or anger. But that’s not for them to understand. No one has to “get” your process. It’s YOUR process, and if that is going to get you where you need to be, if it’s going to allow you to find your freedom and happiness - then who cares who doesn’t get it? This isn’t about them, it’s about you.
Life is to short to spin your wheels so people TOLERATE you. The world is too vast to beg for love and acceptance. Because that same world is so large there is also no time for bullshit.
I have too much to do, too much life to live, and too much love to give to spend time loving people who don’t love me. It’s too exhausting to perpetuate the fraud of relationships that don’t exist, or do exist built on a base of “I have to because...”
I don’t have to.... not anymore.