Jun 3, 2020
[flings self against wall] god i love words
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[flings self against wall] god i love words
‘ i don’t think you’re crazy.’
her breath is a shake , an unavoidable admission that the words carry a lot of weight . more than she’d want them to , more than she’d ever hope for them to . first instinct runs rampant , a thought like a serrated edge of a knife held against her temple : believe it . she still feels like she’s lost grip of whatever persona she’d had before all of this happened . something broke , and needs repair , and she can’t tell what , exactly , because it seems to be so many things at once , but something ––––––– SOMETHING . crazy . the word glitches before her and plays itself over . ‘ thanks , mike . ’ it dawns on her that she’d needed to hear this , the realization coming to her as a surprise . that she’d needed to not feel like a freak / I DON’T THINK YOU’RE CRAZY . she thought it was crazy , but at the very least appreciated the lie . the comfort of it . she knew it was crazy , to search for hours on a school - night through drawers and books and lamps for anything out of the ordinary . just one clue . and she knew she’d gotten worse , everything about her had gotten worse , and the only label which seemed fit turned a sour taste in her mouth : crazy !
THE WHEELER KIDS HAD A QUIET SHAKINESS TO THEM . call it a few things . rage . fright . sadness . by the tips of their fingers , the shiver of insecurity / knees which shook and teeth which chattered . she wondered if he thought he was crazy . if they shared their fear . there were two which sat looming in the back of her mind , more frequently showing themselves on the daily as of recently . one , that they’d turn out like their parents : stupid . quiet . but normal . and another , that they wouldn’t . that they’d never change . that they’d stay these jittery , jumpy selves . that they’d pursue a life of fear / paranoia / –––––––––––– she wasn’t sure which was worse .
‘ i don’t think you are , either . ’ head ducked , a refusal to meet his gaze , for the rare candid moment of sincerity between them proved a little too real .