[ with @nxmelessfighter | from here (and here) ]
Fudou isn't sure that he's ever felt so intrinsically awful and worthless as he does now.
Yes, he had been drinking prior to the mission and leading up to their first encounter with the enemy. That was par for the course, and as much as he believed he couldn't function without it, he could admit that it might be a liability to a degree.
But... Ookurikara had sent him to go do something he was specifically suited for. Not only did he want to do his part for the mission (he has a history of...getting sidetracked, but not this time), but he likes Ookurikara. He always tended to stick up for him for some reason, and Fudou had come to find himself not wanting to make that be for nothing.
So he'd found Ieyasu, but in danger, and there had simply been no time to run back and alert the rest of the unit. He fought as hard as he could while trying to get the man to some kind of relative safety, but he was just one tantou, so it was all he could really do to try and keep them from making direct hits on him.
Thankfully the rest of the unit had come to their aid and the HRA were dispatched, and for once, Fudou had... actually kind of found himself satisfied with how he'd performed, especially compared to some other missions.
But all of that was wiped out by the ensuing arguments. He knows, logically, that a lot of this is simply Hasebe's severe disdain for him, but the conflict and vitriol spread-- even to Shokudaikiri, from whom Fudou has never even seen a hint of animosity or aggression outside of battle-- and his sliver of self-content is replaced again with feelings of utter self-hatred.
It's too much.
He runs off, managing to find a spot in some nearby trees to just sink against a trunk and cry. It's only a few moments later that he realizes he's left his drink behind and mentally curses himself for that, too.
Fudou hadn't even noticed anyone following him, and it's not until he hears the cat land near him that he realizes Kashagiri is there.
He starts to speak, to insist that no, it is his fault, it's his own presence that seems to cause this kind of thing, but by the time he's getting his voice to work...
Kashagiri's kissed his cheek.
It's so unexpected that it stops Fudou almost completely-- from speaking, from breathing, from shakily picking at his armguards.
He barely acknowledges the cat in his lap, though his hands to find their way to pet it. He looks over at Kashagiri, his wet, bleary eyes clearly a bit confused.
"Why... why'd you do that?"
It's a genuine question in the moment-- this is not the kind of gesture Fudou usually winds up subject to, and especially at a time like this, it seems unfathomable that anyone would show him such affection.