#i'm wallowing

[wolfboywarmachine]

perhaps if i just do not get up

[thetaoofbetty]

if i were going to ask if there’s anything anyone wanted to see in my soulmate au because i’m outlining it and if something fits i’ll see if i can work it in will you beautiful people tell me or will it be like when i’m dying from boredom and no one will play my ask games with me? 

alright. i’m going back into my blanket burrito. thank you for your consideration. besos. love you. ass slaps for all 

[hearthouses]

took the day off to spend time with my sister and niece and nephew get blown off now i am in bed being depressed

[nyanakin]

Lol I miss having "serious" meta thoughts, but I genuinely cannot think of anything to say that I haven't said already (more than once). No thoughts, brain empty, smut and AUs only.

[damnabledimples]

ADELE

[tulakhord]

post-game media if you want to suffer.

[bannedbookreader]

Defying Gravity is THE breakup song

[might-be-a-mushroom]

Thinking about my breakups

My first sexual encounters were characterized by a lack of control. I won’t say that my first girlfriend assaulted me or anything like that, only that I lacked the vocabulary to say what I didn’t want. I was 17, newly out, and in my first semester at university. Nobody had ever expressed interest in me, and I was only then learning how to recognize and express my interest in others. I was thrilled and baffled that anyone would see me as desirable, and I was so caught up in the warm night and the bright lights and the new campus. I just kind of...went along, even though it was kind of confusing and a little scary.

I kept doing that until, I think, she could see that I wasn’t in the same place as her. Then she left me, abruptly, in the science library. Every time I saw her after that, my body reacted like I was about to fall off a cliff. I’m sorry for being scared. 

Whatever.

My second girlfriend was a controlling, manipulative friend who took advantage of my loneliness. I felt sorry for her, I felt responsible for her. I was depressed and she wanted me and I just...went along. I felt like I could fix her, like fixing her would fix me. 

Eventually, we both ended up in psych wards and my family took me home from school. 

I never spoke to her again. She wasn’t really my friend. Anyone who uses their own suicidal ideation to keep you away from your other friends, isn’t your friend. And I couldn’t face her, anyway. 

Whatever.

This time, I really felt like I chose. I really felt like we were on the same page, even though she was moving so much faster than me. We weren’t.

Sex is supposed to be a way of connecting with a partner. For me, it was nerve-wracking and anxiety-inducing and confusing and sometimes painful. Every time, I felt worse. In the end, that’s one of the reasons we broke up. She needs sex, I avoid it.

Was I always this way?

There’s no point to any of this. it doesn’t matter anymore.