HEADCANONS | bastan + emotional tethering.
WITH BASTAN , there is a good heart in there somewhere , and there are a slim few people who have witnessed it , but he was shamed for it so often growing up —called weak by his father and worse things by his mother— that he actively fought against it whilst also trying to protect it from everyone else. it’s why his disassociation / derealization is so severe by the time tom gets ahold of him. he felt like he had to be two people. he also felt like he had to distance himself from everyone and everything. it was his only escape from his mother’s rage and his father’s negligence , the only way he could keep out of rodolphus’s shadow , which was large enough to encase him , to smother him. it was the only way to survive.
regardless of this , there are several people who are able to tether him to himself because of the bond formed with those people during his most innocent times , people who he knew him very young and who were able to make an impression on him before his parents scarred him permanently. the main connection is of course NARCISSA , who he was closest to in age and in etiquette. her older sisters scared him in their own ways , andromeda by accident and bellatrix on purpose lmao , but narcissa , whatever her motives may have been at any given moment , was easier for him to be around and bond with even if it wasn’t immediately as deep for her as it was for him. he trusted her always , and he trusted her with his feelings for her even when he believed she didn’t reciprocate them.
therefore , between her nicknames for him and certain touches they have shared since they were kids —hands on cheek which directly combats his memory of his mother’s hands on his cheek or holding hands / linking arms or resting her head on his chest— she is able to tether him. because of his feelings for her and the connection he has to her , because of the amount of his best parts he’s handed over to her ( perhaps even subconsciously for safe keeping ) , she has the ability to do this for him without actively trying. most of the time , she’s unaware that she’s doing it. but it’s because he loves her that he can actually tether himself through interaction with her. that’s how strong she makes him , not because he leeches energy off of her but because of what she inspires in him. it’s like the warmth from a fire. she loses nothing , is most often even unaware that it’s happening , and he’s able to heal himself through his love for her. but he’d vowed to himself that he would never let his love for her hurt , so he wielded it as something else.
RODOLPHUS , ironic as it is , also of course has this ability , but it isn’t as natural or effortless as it is with narcissa nor as easy as it should be for brothers , but they were born into combat. their parents pitted them against each other any chance they were given. rodolphus had to learn how to calm his brother. he had to gain his trust and prove to him every single day that he wasn’t like their parents , that he wasn’t willing to sacrifice his brother for success. rabastan had to ease into this as well , and rodolphus had to learn how to express himself with his brother in ways that would signal support and understanding , mainly because a ) rodolphus is not great at expressing himself vocally outside of charm or blatant manipulation and b ) because rabastan is not perceptive or trusting of random or rough touches. it will put him on edge and thus on the defensive , and although you may not be able to detect it , it’s an immediate disassociation and he reverts to the personality traits adopted through tom / bellatrix / rodolphus / being soldier under them. hence , a hand to the side of the neck , a touch of the foreheads , or a hand over the heart are all touches rodolphus uses in order to calm his brother or say “ hey , this is your brother speaking , not your leader or the death eater , rodolphus ”. the main reason these touches work is because rabastan realizes how difficult it is for rodolphus to be this way , soft or gentle or vulnerable , even when it’s meant to manipulate. plus , rabastan can read his brother better than most. few people ever see that side to the elder too , but he’ll get his own meta shortly.
ANDROMEDA is also able to tether him , but she can also have an adverse effect on him. it’s almost confrontational or contradictory how her touch affects him sometimes , and while it’s not like he can foresee her betrayal to her family —and his— it’s almost like it’s a fear he develops over time. because usually andromeda isn’t scared to tell you how she really feels ( in our experience ) , so it’s possible he just senses that there is something he can’t entirely trust. nonetheless , growing up together leaves an imprint , and if she’s actively trying to pull him out of a mood or showing genuine concern for and focus on him , which she does do when she’s mentally present , it’s easier for him to trust her , to trust that she’s actually real and that he is too when with her. however , if she is involved in the conflict or the opposition in it , it’s almost impossible for her to help him or get through to him even through touch. and in those moments , it’s actually best she keep her distance. not because he would hurt her because he might run , which is worse for . . . the first expendable he comes into contact with. in the verses where she stays and / or their relationship evolves into a romantic one , the adverse effects fade relatively quickly, and he is much more capable of trusting her intentions and remaining mentally present as well.
BELLATRIX does have the ability to tether him , but it is not always a good thing because of course , bellatrix learns how to use it to her advantage eventually. his respect and love for her , whether familial or otherwise— stems FROM the disassociation , from the darker parts of his personality , and from his bloodlust. that’s how they bond , and so why would she have any effect on keeping him tethered without reason ? she wouldn’t. if anything , she would rather do the opposite and set him loose. but over time , she realizes there are benefits to being able to keep him present , and then a long time later , there are actual times when she does it out of concern once she’s actually developed a connection to him. either way though , comfort is obviously not a priority goal for bellatrix , so it isn’t often she would be the one to ground him because they are hardly ever in a situation where she would need him to be or where he would go to her for it.
the only other person capable of grounding him , although not in the ways the others are , is FENRIR. fenrir mostly likes to keep him in check for self - preservation , especially during draco’s sixth year because of how on edge bastan is. but during the first war , it was bad because bastan was young and bloodthirsty , and he didn’t have the control he has when he’s older —really it’s something else that slows him down after azkaban but alas— so fenrir had to develop a way to keep him mentally present when they did jobs together during recruitment or just when he was around the pack. in those months they spent away and abroad together , bastan had no one else , but he formed a bond with fenrir , and so eventually , they were able to calm each other to an extent. bastan is the only person fenrir actually LISTENS TO without material incentive because he trusts bastan and his intentions. bastan treats him like an equal unlike rodolphus and bellatrix and antonin , so naturally , the trust builds. that’s also another meta entirely , but the point is that fenrir —who is a pack dad of hundreds of kids and actually does need some kind of bedside manner to lead all these wolves without using fear and risking betrayal or mutiny— is able to bring bastan back to himself if need be.
and this all sounds good and fun , but the fact of the matter is that rabastan’s codependency runs DEEP and goes unchecked and only transplanted onto other people , and he covers it up with blood. so the whole thing is really a vicious cycle of ‘ if he’s alone , he’s a threat , but if he’s with a loved one , he’s just … a slightly smaller threat but that’s mainly due to these people being scarier than him on any day so. ‘ but the good news is that as he grows older , especially during azkaban and then after he finds out about draco , he learns how to manually mend attachments to people so that they become a luxury rather than a necessity.
