“my mother apologized to me today. she looked up and said sorry i’m so hard to get along with. there was so much frankness in it that i didn’t know what to do, i had no means of processing those words without the usual emotion loaded into them. i’ve read that daughters inherit trauma from their mothers, and i think that’s often true, but i also know that sometimes you want so badly to prevent her wounds from seeping in that you end up inviting a wholly different set for yourself. sorry i’m so hard to get along with. i remember a childhood spent making myself smaller than she was, accommodating and easy and everything she refused to be. i remember losing count of how many times she cried in front of me and i couldn’t understand why. i remember learning to swallow my words. it’s usually when we’re older that we learn our actions have consequences, isn’t it? today, she said sorry, and i said it’s okay, but you can’t place eggshells beneath a child’s feet and expect her not to carry them for the rest of her life. and i still do, mom. i’m sorry, but i do.”
--- i think i forgive you anyway