B.FAST.
Heartbeat never ever been so fast, Acid for tears, I'm all alone - in this world, Slowly slipping away from being sane, All I do is cry, I keep falling on my fucken face, I keep hiding behind this quiet face, Inner peace, Inner peace, Enter my heart like a fucken sharp pain, I trip, I fall, 22:10 and I swear my hearts knocking against my bed, I trip, I fall, 22:11 and I think my skin just got paler, I trip, I fall, 22:12 and I will always love you, Because I finally lost myself forever, And I might lose more than just weight, But that doesn't matter, Does it matter? Does it? Does? Will I be another example of a curtain who was too depressed, Or will I be a piece of meat who was too frustrated, Or maybe nothing, Maybe just choke on my grans pills, Just choke on my grans pills, Choke on my grans pills, On my grans pills, My grans pills, Grans pills, Pills, I'm misunderstood by people who thought they understood, I use to have multiple personalities, Different voices in my head, Finally I killed them all, Now there's no one to talk too, My conscious seem to be a serial killer, First degree murder mysteries, Now she's stuck between white walls, Contradictions, My own mind seem to be a psychiatric room, People say I am crazy for thinking about completely nothing, Because thinking seem to have become something more deeper, Because no one seem to think no more, It's literally just discussions going on, But thinkings definition should be changed, Cause now I'm cutting myself off, I seem to be alone, Worried about pollution, Because I love water, Earth, animals, language and plants so much, I'm cutting myself off, This world will never understand my soul, Or is it my mind, You who have tried to change me probably did or you didn't, Dear readers this might get to intense, Broken down, Dropped on the floor to die, I was welcomed into the world with a fake smile, But I don't blame my mom for blaming me in my face for ruining her life, And I don't blame God for taking my Best Antie, And I will never blame my mother for always trying to break me down since childhood, And saying things to me that mothers shouldn't do, And I know my dad expects me to not let him down, But I don't know love like all you lucky kids out there knows, I don't know what kissing goodnight and goodbye means, I don't know that parental love like you do, I just know that's my parents, And Believe me when I say I do understand when I say I know how it feels to lose someone, Because I saw my dad saying goodbye to me forever, And it felt like my eyes could pop out, And my voice could runaway, And my heart suddenly stop beating, I instantly turned cold and stop talking, I couldn't feel anything, Sleeping on cold tiles all curled up, Crying myself to sleep, I lost my dad, I lost my mom, If it wasn't for my little sister, I would've been dead, I lost myself in ways that no one will understand, But I still look at everything, And just stay quiet, Because I'm too weak... But I'm fucken tired, And fucken angry, And I'm fucken fuelled on anger, And I'm fucken sorry that you have to repeat the word fucken so much in your head, All I ever wanted was a hug, And someone to tell me it will be fucken okay, But fuck, I fucken think my life is over, When will I ever show you the real me, The not so scared me, The not so nice me, The I don't give a fuck me, The me that wants to kill me, The me that wants to tell the world that you are only meant for me, The me who could what I want me, The selfless me, The me that you should really meet, The me that you use to like me... I think me will never ever exist, And I'm sorry, But I can't recognise myself no more, I can't recognise myself no more, Can't recognise myself no more, Recognise myself no more, Myself no more, No more, More, Goodnight Mellow, And I'm trying to kill the last bit of her, For my heart begs, And my mind keeps moving backwards, Half of her needs you, Because for her souls down, And eyes her are gone, And her skin are dry, And her thoughts are tired... Love you. B.Fast.