Things I wish I knew before clerkship started
It’s not going to be easy. Sure, it’s exciting. You’re on your last year of medical school and on your first year of being on hospital duty. A lot of learnings and experiences to look forward to. And yes, you’re finally wearing a white coat- closer to wearing a longer one. But nothing- not especially having an “M.D.” at the end of your name, comes easy. You’ll find yourself feeling clueless, naive, and maybe stupid whenever you hear medical jargons. Because even after three years of theoretical learnings, those are just confined within the four walls of the auditorium. Practical application is a lot harder. You will end up craving not just for a certain type of food, but for sleep and peace. Instead of going home to your dorm to finally get some sleep, you will be required to attend conferences and symposiums. And it sucks because you want to listen and be mentally present, but your body demands for something else. There will be a constant fear of being demerited, not waking up on time, and getting scolded at by your residents or consultant in front of everyone. Hierarchy in the hospital is real and as much as I want to believe it shouldn’t be existing anymore at this era, it still does. Your thought so friends? In clerkship, you won’t be seeing the same masks they used to show you. Real personalities will resurface and you will have to reevaluate your circle. You will be surprised that people at the hospital can be subtly judgemental making you conscious of your every move. And if you’re not “close” enough with the nurses or residents, you will barely survive. On top of it all, there’s the never ending papers and presentations- admitting notes, medical abstracts, journal appraisals, clinical management conference presentations, endorsements, etc. Most of which are supposed to be submitted at a certain time- or else. Demerit, demerit, demerit.
You deserve to take a breather. If you think it’s a requirement in clerkship to be 24/7 awake, you’re wrong. Mainly because it’s impossible and unhealthy. You will cry a lot. Twenty buckets of tears in one rotation is not enough. Failed an exam? Got humiliated? Release it; release those emotions. Cry it out. Clerks are not robots. Just because you are expressive of your emotions doesn’t mean you are weak. Most times your co-clerks will make you feel guilty for listening to the needs of your body. Realize though that it will only take a bigger toll on your overall health. Maybe some are better awake at night while others are more functional at midnight. Take shifts. Clerkship is not about getting the least amount of sleep. It’s about maximizing learnings while being at your best state. And if taking shifts is not enough, if naps would not suffice, take a day off. Forget the make up duties and backlogs- temporarily. Hang off your coat and see your family. Drive as far as your heart desire. Then after being cleaned by the air and sea, go back to your responsibilities. See how your mind and body will amaze you after listening to them. So always listen.
In the end, it’ll be worth it. The patient interaction, seeing them smile whenever you enter their room early in the morning or late at night to get their vital signs, them offering you food because you were kind and gentle enough to explain their disease or the procedure they will be undergoing, the adorable kids and cute grandparents at the outpatient department. These are only outtakes of the good things of being a clerk. Tiny achievements like being inside the operating room, inserting a nasogastric tube, or learning how to clean the wound properly. Clerkship is not the end of medical school to the point that you should be pressured to know everything and anything all at once in a span of one year. It’s actually the continuation of your medical career. Becoming a doctor is a lifelong process and as the older consultants say, “the learning never stops”. So just keep learning. Be open enough to accept mistakes and correct them. Even if the thought of giving up hits your mind, don’t. Just tell yourself, “one more day” and if you were able to survive yesterday, you will get through today. And always, always go back to your reasons. Keep them tight and close to your heart because you will find yourself constantly needing them as self-reminder. Hang on to it even if things are uncertain and difficult; even if you feel like you are not worthy to be wearing that stethoscope or coat. Because you are.
Doktora, you are finally done with medical school!
