*kicks in the door* OH IF I CAN ROMANCE MAGGIE THEN THAT'S JUST THE BEST OPTION!
Maggie is...best girl...
You don’t find Maggie, Maggie finds you. You’ll run into her first at the university, and from there she becomes a reoccurring character. In your first interaction with her, there’s really no way to seriously upset her, and of all the romanceable characters, her starting friendship score is the highest. If you select every single dialogue option with max friendship points, you can max out the friendship score only a quarter of your way into the game. At a glance, her route seems like it would be the easiest to complete. However, she’s one of those characters where your friendship score with other characters absolutely matters. You could get a perfect score in all your scenes with Maggie, but if your friendship scores with too many other characters are low (or god forbid in the negatives) then you’ll see diminishing returns in your interactions with her, and some dialogue options may actually become locked because she’s started to pick up on your rancid vibes. You’ll still be able to be friends with her, but you won’t be able to date her at the end.
You also need to be mindful of your romance scores with other characters. Some characters such as Ollie, Spider, and Hag won’t care at all if you also have a high romance score with someone else, and others such as Wing, Cordelia, and Nil don’t take much convincing when you insist you’re only interested in them, but Maggie is basically your wingman right from the start. If she thinks you’re seriously interested in someone else, it’s nearly impossible to romance her. Why would you play games with Maggie’s heart? Commit.
Note: Because you can’t talk about Maggie’s route in this game without mentioning it, there is a point of no return if you wait too long to start romancing her. About half way through the game, after the cutscene where you randomly get mugged, is the prime point to start romancing her if you haven’t started already, but if you get too far past that (about 3/4 the way into the game) and your romance scores with both her and Burger are still below half, then she and Burger end up together, and there’s no way to roll that back. You can still squeak out a good end with some characters at the 3/4 mark, but Maggie is not one of them.
“Check out, I’m blonde. I’m skinny. I’m rich. And I’m a little bit of a BITCH.”
“Azzy, ffs, please stop using my body to say dumb shit.”
I really need to be working on a commission for a friend, but my brain just does not want to, and I have Donatella by Lady Gaga stuck in my head, so I drew this dumb sketch to try and get back into the swing lol
Fixing plot holes? Writing a script? Story-boarding? Finishing references? Actually creating a webcomic instead of just saying I’m going to? Why would I want to do any of THOSE things when I can just do out-of-context doodles and headcanon jam with my co-author for hours????
June is now not just National Pride Month, but ALSO National Cut-Off-Your-Hair-Just-Do-It-You-Coward Month because in June in the year of our lord 2016, Maggie Han saw the light, cut all her hair of, and dyed it crazy colors because “fuck it, Fix, it’s Pride month and I have no pansexual swag to wear”
(It’s also the only good thing that's going to happen in June of 2016 in Ideally Human canon, but we’re not gonna talk about that because then Rani and I have to face the weight of the sins we have committed against our characters.)
Tired of drawing the same blood-covered demon from EverymanHYBRID? Make your own blood-covered demon, and then torture your OCs with it! Guaranteed fun!
Not the jealous type, will always try to get along with your friends
Will probably stress clean your apartment for you if you leave him there long enough
Will bring you bagels and cool rocks if that’s your thing
If someone hurts you, he’ll kick their ass
Cons of dating Burger:
You will have to either get good at compartmentalization or develop a monster fetish because he is possessed by a demonic entity that can see, hear, and feel everything.
The aforementioned entity can and will take control of his body at inconvenient moments just to fuck with you.
Counterpoint: if this does happen, you’ll be able to tell, so at least you have that.
He will read your texts over your shoulder because he has no boundaries
Send me an OC and I’ll give you the pros and cons of dating them
I’m running behind. D8( This drabble features characters from the webcomic @read-me-loud-and-queer are planning, Ideally, Human. We’re still in the process of planning the whole thing out, so no chapters are up on the blog yet, but there are reference sheets for the characters featured in this drabble as well as more information about the comic, so check it out! :)
Prompt: The character, along with one or more others, decide to visit a local haunted house attraction that’s just opened up.
“I’m pretty sure this is just some dude’s house. Are you sure this is the right address?”
Burger looks down at the flyer again, comparing the house number on the front gate to the listed address.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure,” he says.
Maggie frowns, scanning the front of the old, Victorian style house. Eventually her eyes land on a sandwich board style sign standing in front of the thick evergreen bushes growing in the front yard. “Haunted house” the dripping black letters say.
“Babe, not gonna lie, I think this is the sketchiest place we have ever been to,” she says.
“Uh, I still think those witches with the people-eating bushes were worse,” Allen says.
“The witches weren’t living in a run down goth house with a sign out front that just says ‘haunted house, five bucks.’ Don’t worry, the ritualistic sacrifice is free.”
“Hey this isn’t my fault, this flyer looks really good,” Burger says, passing them the piece of paper in his hands. The front is emblazoned with a creepy but crisp illustration of a house under a full moon. “Come visit the haunted mansion on Coulson street,” the flyer reads. Under the house is an address and contact information in a slick, serif font.
“Let’s just go to the fuckin’ corn maze. This place is screaming serial killer,” Maggie says.
“Maggie, I think Allen summoning the axe alone would be enough to scare a run-of-the-mill serial killer. Nevermind the fact that you can stop bullets with magic, and I can kill people with my mind,” Burger says, “If it’s terrible it’ll at least be funny.”
“Come on, you can’t possibly be on board with this,” Maggie says, looking at Allen.
Allen shrugs.
“Eh, he’s got a point. I don’t see why not.”
“God, how are you two still alive?! Fine, we’ll check out the serial killer house.”
The trio walks through the iron gate and up the cobbled front path. A flock of sparrows flees from the bushes as they approach the front door. The door is made of heavy, black wood and sports an ornate door knocker that at a distance kind of reminds Allen of a face. A few heavy iron candlesticks stand off to the side along with a withering jackolantern covered in fake spiderwebs. On either side, further inside the yard, dying plants sit drooping in ornate pots, and drab leaves from trees and weeds alike cover the gravel landscaping.
Burger pauses at the door and glances back at the others. Maggie waves her hand at him as if to say, “well go on, you’re the one who wanted this.” He lifts the knocker and lets it fall with a heavy bang!
For a moment they hear nothing else. Then a latch on the other side clicks, and the door creaks open. A man stares back at them, his face covered in pale grease makeup. His hair is long and black and too shiny to be real. He peers around the door, hiding most of his body from view, but as far as Burger can tell, he’s wearing a cheap vampire-style cloak, complete with a high, crooked collar.
“Uh we’re here for the haunted house?” Burger says.
“Oh, excellent! Right this way,” the man says, flourishing his cape as he opens the door all the way.
There isn’t much to look at in the “lobby.” Everything is blocked off with tall curtains. A small end table stands near the flap marked “entrance”, and on it is a mason jar with a few dollar bills inside. They add their cash to the pot, and the man ushers them through the entrance curtain.
“Please, take your time, there’s no rush. And good luck,” he says as he closes the curtain, “You’ll need it.”
Maggie snorts.
“Buddy, if you only knew who you just let in your house,” she mutters.
“Hey, be nice,” Burger whispers.
The room they emerge in is a living room of some kind, decked out in fine, dark wood furniture and heavy velvet curtains that cover the tall windows. A chandelier hangs from the high ceiling. The runner on the coffee table would be quite beautiful - embroidered with a pattern of fall leaves - if it weren’t for the red stains. On an end table by one of the chairs, a knife is buried into the wood, also stained with fake blood. Above the fireplace, a few old portraits stare down at them.
“Wow, this place is nice,” Maggie says, “Maybe we should skip the haunting and just take a house tour.”
“God, I wonder how old this house is,” Burger says, looking up at the woodwork around the ceiling, “Has to be at least a hundred years old, just look at the wood. And the roof? Geez. They haven’t made houses like this since the 19-.”
“God, please,” Allen groans, “Don’t go on another history rant.”
“The Industrial Revolution was a fascinating time period, Allen, and if you try to convince me otherwise I will throw you through that perfect gothic revival bay window.”
As if on cue, one of the curtains jerks back, causing everyone to jump backwards. Gray autumn light spills into the room. Maggie glares at the window and looks over at Burger.
“Ok, did you do that?” she asks.
“Huh? No I didn’t, I swear,” Burger says.
She frowns.
“Damn. They got me,” she says.
“Aw, I thought there was going to be like a bloody handprint on the window or something,” Allen says.
“Alright, let’s keep going.”
They walk through a narrow doorway into a small, industrial looking kitchen. While most of the appliances are modern, some of the cooking utensils hanging up by the cabinets look as old as the house. In the corner is an old metal ice box, its door slightly ajar. Maggie pokes Burger in the arm.
“That looks suspicious. You should open it,” she says.
Burger just gives her a look and waves his hand. The door swings open, revealing nothing.
“I meant with your hands, you cheater,” Maggie says.
“You should have been more specific,” Burger says, grinning.
“You should stop being a butt.”
“No. Stop,” Allen says, “Flirt on your own time.”
“Pfft, that was flirting?” Maggie asks.
“For you assholes it is.”
Maggie sticks her tongue out at him.
“What’s even in this room that’s supposed to be scary? The curtains aren’t even closed,” Allen continues.
He suddenly stops and looks around, as if expecting something to jump out at them, but nothing does.
“Uh...keep going I guess?”
“Hey Allen, you want me to tell you about ice boxes and the invention of refrigerators?” Burger asks.
“Put me in a coma first.”
The next doorway leads them around to a steep, narrow staircase leading to the second floor. As they emerge in a long hallway, carpeted with old Turkish rugs, Burger pauses.
“Whoa, ok, I’m getting some like...weird vibes up here,” he says.
“Creepy Victorian house vibes or like…” Allen makes gestures around his head with his hands, “spooky demon shit?”
“I’m not...sure?”
“See, I warned you guys,” Maggie says, “Serial killer.”
She looks down the hallway. Her eyes go wide.
“Hang on, did you guys see that?”
“See what?” Allen asks.
“There was like...I don’t know, I thought I saw someone run across the hallway, but it was so like fast it was more like a shadow,” she says.
She starts walking down the hall.
“Ok, I get it,” Allen says, “Burger gets a bad feeling. You see something shadowy. I get scared. You two are hilarious.”
“No, I swear I saw something.”
Maggie pauses and looks through an open doorway halfway down the hall. Inside is a room full of ceramic dolls. Maggie sucks in a breath and keeps walking.
“Nope. No thanks,” she says.
She stops at the end of the hall by the doorways where she saw the shadow, but both doors are closed. When she turns the handles they refuse to budge. Locked.
“Ok, I don’t know how they did that, but that was good. That freaked me out,” Maggie says as the boys catch up.
“You see the room full of evil back there?” Burger asks.
“Yep, and I don’t want to again.”
“This is the weirdest haunted house I’ve ever been to,” Allen says, “Like they’ve put zero effort into it, but this place is just so...unsettling, it’s like they don’t even need to.”
“See, I picked a good one,” Burger says.
“That point becomes moot if we get attacked by a guy with a chainsaw,” Maggie says.
“I’d consider that a bonus at this point.”
Slam, slam!
Two doors on the other end of the hall fly shut. Allen sucks in a breath and steps back, eyes wide, as the other doors begin to rattle. The shaking travels up the hallway like an earthquake until the doors seem ready to fly off their hinges. A cold wind blasts them from behind.
BANG!
The doors on either side of them slam open. No one is able to hold back a scream.
“Chad, I swear to God if you’re doing that..!” Maggie says.
“Dude, I swear I’m not!” Burger replies.
“Those doors were fucking locked, I just checked them!!”
“Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope,” Allen says, completely ignoring his friends and rounding the corner to the next section of hallway, an open balcony overlooking the front entrance. A dummy in bloody clothes hangs by its neck from the chandelier. Allen pays it no mind as he forces himself to stop at the top of the grand staircase instead of racing down and back out onto the street. He looks back as Burger and Maggie catch up.
“That wasn’t people, dude,” Burger says, “Like people definitely could have managed that, but I’m not picking up any thoughts from anyone except you two and the guy downstairs. There’s no one else up here.”
“Wait, you’re not saying this haunted house is like...actually haunted are you?” Allen asks.
“I’m starting to think that, yeah.”
“Oooooooh man. No, no, no, we are not doing this today,” Allen says, going down the stairs.
“Why do you two just attract this stuff?!” Maggie says as she and Burger go down the stairs, “I never used to run into magical bullshit before I met you.”
“You’re welcome,” Burger says.
As they go out the exit curtain, the man in the horrible vampire costume is there to greet them.
“Did you enjoy your visit?” he asks. His tone is neutral, but the look in his eye gives him away. He looks far more smug than a man in a polyester cape has any right to be.
“Uh...yeah, I guess so,” Burger says, “This is um...that was something.”
The man smiles.
“Have a nice rest of your day, kids. Be sure to tell your friends.”
He waves as they walk back outside and closes the door behind them. As they walk back out into the street, Maggie finally speaks.
“Should we...do something about this? Is this like a problem?” she asks.
Allen holds up his hands in the universal gesture for, “hell if I know.”
“I mean...the guy turned this into a tourist attraction, so he doesn’t seem very bothered? I guess?” Burger says.
“Barb would probably want us to get this place exorcised…” Allen says, “That ghost wasn’t fucking around.”
“Yeah, but I feel like we all have bigger problems than a dude making the ghost in his house earn its keep,” Maggie says, “Like all that prophecy nonsense? And the dragon?”
Allen nods.
“Still, it’s not the kind of thing you usually want running around…sooo...” he says, “Come back after the end of the world?”
Burger nods.
“Come back after the end of the world.”
They walk to the corner where they parked their car, fall leaves blowing down the street. A chill passes through the air. Maggie takes a deep breath.
