#ideservedbetter

[patienceisavirtueidonothave]

So I haven't trumblr'd in awhile and I just tortured myself two days in a row watching the series ending episode of The Walking dead for just these 2 scenes. Last night I watched it all and today I watched just these last 2 scenes. It was on Amazon Prime live and I teared up again.

Here we go on why. I teared up.

DAMN MAGGIE guilting Daryl into going off and looking for people. IT'S ALL HER FAULT he went off. Always having to do the right thing. I blame Maggie for the spin off separation. I also blame the bad guy who's name I forget but he's dead and I don't feel like looking up his name. Carol stays because she feels she owes it to the town to take care of it since she helped get rid of their corrupt people in charge. And Maggie talking to Daryl like it's his job to check out the world for her. The one thing I HATED about this show is no matter how good or bad the town runners were, Rick tried to act like he should run it.

I never saw Judith look at Carol when she told Daryl she deserved to be happy and I kind of still don't see it but if others say it exists who am I am to argue?

Which brings us to the tears. The goodbye at the bench. Knowing they really had a fight in the vicinity of this scene being filmed and yet both of them clearly showing they cared about each others as actors. And it all being ruined by damn idiot producer who's name I also keep forgetting. I'm getting old. I didn't want to watch this you know, let alone twice but I caved.

The I LOVE YOU'S (poorly edited tho because I saw it and you saw her lips move but no sound come out) and knowing that they filmed a better version that was more in line with what Caryl fans wanted.

Daryl looked back at Carol with that I love you look. IN love with you look and he kept looking back. He didn't want to leave and she didn't want to stay.

This kills me knowing what the spinoff turned into. Knowing what Norman already was and eventually outed himself as being. Knowing how badly we were sold an outcome we never got and never will.

Okay this is turning negative. Back to ignoring this show ever existed.

P.S- The scene in the hospital that is not pictured and the looks Daryl was giving Carol. KILL ME NOW.

If you are a Caryl fan and Caryl as a couple fan ONLY. Please comment. Commiserate with me. I don't care if you don't agree, because I just block the haters. Okay. Bye.

[xxinayxx]

PLL FINALE

Thoughts on the last episode. They clearly could've done better. Felt like a last minute conclusion. I wish it would've been someone we knew from past seasons. Marlene you could've done better.

[crayons-cats-chaos]

TW: Religious Abuse-Two True Trauma Dumps

So. Following some of the rules I had to maintain, here comes some vivid memories I have of my abuse. Note that these are only a couple of fucked up moments and that I have severe memory loss when it comes to my childhood, so some details maybe murky. 1) I was...oh I don't know...maybe 9? And everyone that was in charge of everything at the church (including my dad-he was in charge of the childrens activities for a while) discovered that I had a wonderful singing voice (I think its alright, they were mystified though). I was recruited to sing for EVERYTHING. I had to sit through hours of boring sermons just to sing a 2 minute song and not get home into bed until 10-11 pm (I was NINE and I had to be up for the bus at 6). Every single event I had to be ready to sing. It was expected. I had to use my wonderful vocal cords for G O D. Even if I was sick. One particular Christmas, we were doing our little play in which the adults and children all participated together. I was Gabriel. The night of the show, I was so SO sick. I had a fever that was making me hallucinate like I was in a dream and my voice was SHOT. I couldn't hit the high notes of my solo. Normally, you'd have a stand in. You'd figure SOMETHING out. And they did. But instead of me sitting this one out, I had to still be on FULL DISPLAY. I stood silently in my costume under painful spotlights while a ton of people gawked at me and an adult sung my solo. I literally just S T O O D there. I was SO uncomfortable. Then, I had to continue to be on stage the rest of the show. I was barely holding on by the time it was over, but no no no, I couldn't rest. I had to mingle for the after show refreshments. 2) Here it comes; the fun fucked up Baptism story that most of us abuse survivors have. To lead up to the event, I had to do "classes" with the Pastor. I was 7-8 at the time and it was expected, but I was CURIOUS. Thankfully, the Pastor was NOT a ped. He was, however, the "you must have blind faith" person. He did not like that I asked practical questions, and every time I did he would just say something to the extent of "because that's just how it is and that's how you avoid Hell". Anyway, I did my "classes" once a week for 6 weeks and was QUIZZED to make sure I was worthy of Baptism. Fucking Q U I Z Z E D guys. I passed, of course, because I knew the Bible by heart like a good little brainwashed muffin. So, the event was scheduled. I had all kinds of rules. I can't remember them all, but I do know I had to wear a white dress. It was non-negotiable. The pool was about 3 ft deep and I was walked into freezing cold water with a whole congregation watching me (they really liked to put me on display, and this was a big moment considering I was the "golden child" so a lot of people came just to see this) and was instructed to plug my nose with zero time to follow the command. I was dunked in the ice water once, twice, three times for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. When I was allowed to get out of the water, there was no towel waiting for me. I had to stand, climb the stairs, and walk off of the stage with my WHITE GOWN clinging to my little child body. I don't know if there were peds in the audience, but its Christianity, so lets assume I was putting on a show. I was so cold and shivering, but I was not allowed to leave the stage until a prayer was spoken over me. Finally, when I was allowed to go and dry off, I was led into a room that was NOT a bathroom. It had HUGE OPEN WINDOWS and I was expected to get completely naked, dry off, and get re-dressed. I was NOT being watched, thankfully, but that does not take away the overwhelming feeling of vulnerability I was forced to feel at such a young age. I have so many more, but these are two of them that live rent free at the top of my brain....

[witchee1014]

#narcissticabusesurvivor #Ideservedbetter #leveledup https://www.instagram.com/p/CLGDOV4FUXG/?igshid=wcunbvwuaf3v

[scarlettjedi]

#ideservedbetter https://www.instagram.com/p/CDxOy05A8eY/?igshid=7ifr0ku7x2k0

[riverfaairy]

That feeling when you finally leave the person who has been so toxic to you>>

[bookobsession18]

Let's be real, you're never going to get anyone as good as me 💁

[velvettopato]

pssh~~ tsk so quick to "like" for what?! just becos she showed some boobies.... so fickle minded augh~