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why is my dash videos?!?! we are better than the other social media's cuz not EVRYTHING HAS TO BE IN VIDEOESSS STOPPPPP

4 angst chapters

Therapy can’t help me anymore

#19 days #19days #old xian #he tian #mo guan shan #zhan zheng xi #jian yi #idontlikethis #kissalready

Yep, I remember why I don’t like black cars anymore. 😰 It gets dirty reaaally quick. #IDontLikeThis #Jznsn2uNSX (at San Fransokyo Institute of Technology) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvnTypqF5Cf/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rjj9iuyivqx7

#idontlikethis #jznsn2unsx

Amikor meghallod a hangját és te csak elmosolyodsz

#B.P.#thisisme #idontlikethis #rózsaszínködelv

At the doctor thingy for an exam....yay💔💔💔💔💔☹️

#plshelp #literally #im so tired #and bored #idontlikethis

“I Don’t Like This” Is Reason Enough: A Woman’s Quiet Permission to Walk Away

A Woman's Quiet Permission

I don't like this. Four plain words. They've popped up in my brain more often than I can recall, in relationships, in friendships, in workplaces, in social gatherings, or while browsing through messages I never signed up for. Occasionally they came with fervent ire, sometimes with hoarse, weary determination. And yet, each and every time, those words were swiftly followed by an obstinate inner debate.

The Courtroom in My Head

Am I being too sensitive? Too entitled? Was this really upsetting me, or was I just being obdurate? Couldn't I manage a bit more grace, a bit more patience, or a thicker skin? In my head, it would become a courtroom drama, with a version of me on the stand being questioned by voices demanding explanation. Permission to treat the witness as hostile? Granted. Every time.

The Habit of Endurance

I'd find myself talking myself into staying. To grit through what didn't feel right. To tolerate discomfort as a learning curve in resilience or maturity. Who cares if you don't like it? Life is not supposed to be comfortable every time. I convinced myself that quitting without a "legitimate" reason would mean I was lacking character, compassion, or humility. That perhaps I was being too demanding. That other people have it worse. That this wasn’t enough of a reason.

The Exhaustion of Explaining Yourself

And so it would continue. Justifying to myself why my unease wasn't warranted. Translating I don't like this into I'll adjust to this or Perhaps I'm the issue. It's draining, bearing the weight of having to justify your boundaries to yourself before you ever get around to speaking them aloud to others. Particularly when the world so freely expects women to be willing, understanding, and compliant.

The Quiet Revolution of Saying No

It feels odd to reflect on that now. As I move through the later decades of my forties, something essential has changed. The arguments have fallen silent. The courtroom is locked. Now, when I don't like this emerges, it exists in isolation. It doesn't need to justify itself into action. It doesn't require a qualifying argument. It's enough.

No Is a Complete Sentence

I have learned that the right to walk away does not have to be earned. It does not have to be tragic, or dramatic, or footnoted with agony. A woman need not have any reason beyond I don't like this to be excused from a circumstance, a relationship, a conversation, or a pledge. No is a complete sentence. Discomfort is an okay feeling. And intuition is a compass we are permitted to use, without argument, without apology.

The Freedom of Self-Trust

There's peace in the relinquishment of arguing with yourself about whether or not your feelings are justified. When you have faith that feeling crummy is sufficient. That having a preference is valid. That you can exit situations that don't sit right with you, without asking permission. That I don't like this is an act of self-respect and not selfishness. And it's perhaps one of the most softly subversive things a woman can assert for herself.