was astrotrain in love with Blitzwings conjux?
To be sincere, he kinda did, but also didn't, I talked a bit about it before, Astrotrain liked the reader, but more in a “this thing isn't that bad”, along the comic we can catch glances of Astrotrain touching his arms as a form of comfort because yeah, that's what living among decepticons for so long does to you, even to an asshole like him, and having this thing that squish every time you touch it, “yeah, this is soothing”, and you let him (you didn't have a choice), Blitzwing had you for a long while before he found Astrotrain, both are messed up by the humans, even more than before, so to have you at their disposition is incredible to their hurt ego, more times than not Astrotrain, with his old habits of self soothing, also got a hold of you.
“You have to do that?”, Blitzwing asked, wings raised, cables tensed, your sounds of discomfort a cacophony that gives him the creeps, looking at you being slightly squished around inside of Astrotrain’s servo, tumbling from one digit to the other, arms stretched maybe to run away or because he pushed a little too much in a certain place, and maybe it's the second option as you do a sound Blitzwing has come to notice means you feel well.
“Do what?”, Astrotrain asked, really not noticing what he was doing, even when he had your face squished between two of his digits and you said something about a knot being loose.
You were something good, while the three were on the run away from the humans Miles Mayhem, on the wild, you still went to human settlements more than once for things to consume for yourself, and more than once you came back with things your species’ primitive automobiles fuels, Astrotrain was bewildered at you presenting him a bottle of something green, “What?”, his voice is gruff, heavy and intense like in any normal day, you still recoil by the force of it, but the thing is still left on the floor in front of where he is sitting to preserve energon.
“I don't know”, you seem anxious about him, and you are doing right, Astrotrain still has the jitters about your species, yet here you come to try this.
“I can't consume this slag”.
Astrotrain expected you to give him back some attitude, as you do with Blitzwing from time to time, but you don't, you take distance fast, only to then, somehow, go out without them knowing in the night cycle of the planet, and then again, somehow, you came back running and screaming for them to wake up and fly away as you came almost jumping on your stupidly short legs struts, flashlights coming behind you, Blitzwing starts to scream at you mid transformation, calling you names, you shut him off, now in the air, Astrotrain saw with his sensors how your tiny backpack that you hugged with a big smile was full of energon vials.
Tiny, not really worthy, but they drank them as a relief after days of going on low reserves.
To be cared for, no matter what, is something new, and he realized it was also something nice.
Now, did he get feelings before Blitzwing? You bet he did, took years for Blitzwing to realize “this feels good” when you slept next to his spark was in reality a “this feels good”, Astrotrain cracked it at the get go, he liked your squish but also, what compelled you to try so hard? He asked that many times while looking at the increasing number of bottles called “diesel” you offered, and a few days after knowing you he already got the idea, was it something romantic? he didn't get there, he could, but he didn't, mainly in the path of thinking: “this is a flesh bag, gross”, Blitzwing took that same path, many years later, and went: “you’re a flesh bag, gross” while feeling his motors burn slightly hotter than usual when you cleaned his armor again, because to this point the both of you were codependent, because that’s what isolation and the instinct to survive do when they hit you in the face, and now Blitzwing’s wings tremble ever so slightly when your damp rag comes along the border of them, the water evaporates super fast but you credit that to his nature as a machine and the fact that he is always warm, Astrotain saw that, saw how he permitted you to sleep inside his slightly open spark chamber in the coldest days, and just noticed that Blitzwing was crazy as always, if only slightly calmer, permitting you so close and even doing the favor of cleaning you with another damp rag that was bigger than your whole body, triple chargers are messed up, all of them know it, they have a lot of messed behavioral programs mashed together to give them their ability, but Astrotrain could compare this to the way seekers and flyiers in general act when courting.
Your wedding, or your pathetic excuse of a conjunx ritus as Astrotrain called it, was a point of inflection, he knew you were in physical contact with Blitzwing’s spark more than once, he knew he didn't frag you, not yet, but the deal was there and you, knowing or not, took it, all that Blitzwing was now was only you, and he made peace with it, did Blitzwing love you? Astrotrain had no idea, what that mech was doing felt more like an obsession, yet Astrotrain had a very difficult time watching Blitzwing acting like a real conjunx and realizing, in his own twisted way, that Blitzwing did love you.
He still has problems to be sure if he loves Sabersky as he loves you, because Astro is almost sure that the kid could kick it any day and Blitzwing wouldn't even dim an optic, and that idea almost came too real for his comfort when he saw you crying next to your heavily injured sparkling, Blitzwing didn't even say much more than a “so you eat them”, making the kid spiral, making you scream at Astrotrain to get Blitzwing out of the room.
Astrotrain could have loved the reader and new progeny in that way? Yeah, he could, if he did, would something different happen? Yes, he would have killed Blitzwing if the idiot had tried to take you before he killed him.
Does he regret never taking that chance? Sometimes he thinks about it, slightly, in times when he doesn't have anything better to do, what would have changed, really? He doesn't care, he doesn't want to think about it, honestly.
Does he have problems seeing Blitzwing parading you and then hiding you? Few are the times he has gotten to see you after you had Sabersky, because Blitzwing acts like anyone could take you and the idiot is always up to fight, does he miss you? Sometimes, but he ends up forgetting you if he doesn't see or think of your face often. So it is a problem, because if there is something Sabersky has of you, it is the face, made for a cybertronian, but the sheer similarity is there for all to see, he can say the sparkling looks weird, but he still looks cybertronian, and also seems to have inherited your weird, because he tries to be good in the whole mess of the post-war, Saber tries to be kind to things he shouldn't be even if he tries to also mimic his sire and end up in more trouble than he can really handle, more than once, Astrotrain has gotten out of his habsuit and found an energon cub right in front of his door, knowing very well who put it there.
So, was it love? Astrotrain can't say, more than likely it was about to be, and it hurt, yes, but not as much when you really love someone, what is done is done, and he is fine with it.
