#ihq:edit

[denisehq]

Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me, I came to vibe, yeah.

Won't let nothing come in between me and the night.

[alipucks-blog]

Let’s just get this one out of the way, I’m 5′10 which makes me two entire inches taller than my larger than life brother.

In high school I needed an elective so my ass really decided to just take orchestra and this shit was so janky they just put me in with no audition and I that’s how I know how to play the double string bass.

Turns out I don’t hate playing music so in my sophomore year I played in the jazz band and learned bass guitar there.

I only met Puck when I moved to LA, turns out Puckerman isn’t the most common of names and our father has no idea what a condom is apparently.

I have never slept with a dude, I don’t need to try it to know, I already know, thank you.

I did kiss a dude at my eighth grade semi formal it wasn’t great but I think that’s down to him being sloppy, yeah imma put all of that on him.

In the fifth grade I broke a kid’s nose, and he fucking deserved it, little perv wouldn’t stop groping me and true to form I was the only one getting in trouble until my mom raised fucking hell.

I will eat anything with sugar, like sugar on sugar on sugar.

Tea is better than coffee and you can’t change my damn mind.

I skipped the seventh grade, which meant I graduated a year early.

I graduated as Valedictorian both in high school and college, a bitch don’t play with her grades.

Went to college for computer science and engineering and ended up interning for IHQ, that’s how my ass got here.

Toby and I ended up roommates because we answered a craigslist ad, so you know shoutout to Craigslist.

I can forgive most shit, except dishonesty like just tell me the damn truth.

I am currently on some kind of spiritual journey and as of right now I feel a connection to the more...... mystical religions. I’m a witch, I have a book of shadows and I live that sage and crystal life.

I’m a Capricorn and that does mean I’m always right, just accept it and move on.

Apparently I’m in a band, don’t know how it happened but here we are.

Truthfully, I don’t really know what I want to be when I grow up I just know I like screaming into the void, shit is cathartic. 

Sometimes I do wear makeup, but like you’re probably never gonna get me in a dress and make up. You get one or the other.

My favorite content to watch to just chill out are dance videos, with nail videos being a close damn second.

The earth is not flat, I just needed to slip that in there.

I call my style potato shack chic and I stand by that shit.

I wish I lived in Adventure Time

I can’t go to sleep unless there’s sound, so like the TV stay on and usually it’s Criminal Minds, don’t know what that says about me but Hunter’s the serial killer here, not me.

I will eat anything, I’m a fucking goat and I’m proud of it.

My default is to not like people, but that doesn’t mean a bitch is disrespectful, there’s a fucking difference.

I feel like I have the soul of an 80 year old grandfather and I ain’t mad at it.

I still watch the Disney channel, fucking sue me Andi Mack was dope.

I took German from when I was 12 all the way through college, which I legit just graduated and I can’t remember shit.

I am half black and half white, it’s really that simple, don’t know where all these other things came from.

Lizzo is my celebrity crush, also just my crush in fucking general like celebrity or not I’m about her.

My favorite thing to play on bass is the bassline hook from Muse’s Hysteria.

I can dance, I mean I’m not Lucky but like my tall lanky flail man body got some fucking rhythm.

At some point in my life I want to live in Germany, because honestly eight years of a language imma get my money’s worth.

I’m better at pranks than my brother, I said what I said.

I really hate talking about myself....... so this video is fucking torture, literally my hell

I’m lazy as fuck when I’m at home also anywhere else I can be, like I legit made my brothers move me in and I’m pretty sure I slept or something while that was happening

I was weirdly popular in high school, couldn’t tell you why, didn’t do a damn thing to warrant that, but maybe they all have a kink for being told to fuck off.

I don’t know what a sleep schedule is. Legit I’m either awake at 5am or 3 pm there is no in between and it’s for like four hours at a time

Sparkling water is trash and I don’t know who the fuck thought that shit was a good idea but I’d like to talk to them.

I am not a romance person, I don’t even really get the whole relationship thing, like why?

I lost my virginity when I was seventeen just before I moved to LA and it was fucking awesome.

I use to come up with porn parody titles for fucking everything, such as, Power Bottom Rangers, Pacific Rim Job and Jurassic Dong. Think I might have missed my calling.

Animals are better than people, and I think you’d be hard pressed to find someone who disagrees with that.

I’ll watch anything with Jason Statham in it and I don’t know why.

I don’t know how to drive, just not thing I ever learned how to do, like driving seems like a lot of effort and I live in LA who the fuck wants to drive in this traffic?

I know how to build a computer, it was genuinely something I had to do in school and it’s pretty fucking entertaining.

I’m an auditory learner, like if you say it to me I got it, probably why I was good at school, because that shit is really catered to that learning style which is........ not great.

I like my soda’s how I like my chest, flat.

I own 411 pairs of novelty socks and I have no intention of stopping until I have the world’s largest collection.

[reesealani-blog]

I am 6′7, I know that’s really tall but I come from some pretty tall and big and wide folks and I’m not even the tallest.

I didn’t have a very conventional upbringing, my parents were very nomadic and we didn’t sit still long enough for me to go to a public school until I was twelve. Up until then my dad home schooled me. Smartest man I know.

I don’t have a middle name, my dad was meant to pick one but he felt my first name was so strong a middle name would just be underwhelming.

My first name is Solaareese, my mother and newborn me communed with the earth for four days after I was born so my name could be revealed to her.

My favorite color is orange, which might have been destined since my last name means orange tree in Hawaiian.

I was in the military for eighteen years, from when I was eighteen all the way up until four years ago.

The last eight of those years I was a Navy SEAL.

I have a scar through my right eyebrow, I got it in combat.

I was married for ten years, long before IHQ and even though the marriage is over I still care very deeply for her.

I have a daughter, she is the child of my ex wife from a previous relationship but I think the universe always intended for her to be my kin and nothing brings me more hope and joy.

I live in an RV, because I grew up in one and nothing feels more like home than a house on wheels. I also like that I can move it around the campus. Keep everyone on their toes; where’s the big man gonna turn up next?

I learned how to cook from my dad, he could make something so mouth wateringly good out of anything and it was something we did together.

I learned how to build and repair most things from my mom, which comes in real handy when you live in a mobile home.

I’m an extrovert, so much so that there might be a picture of me next to it in the dictionary.

No matter what, be kind, that’s my motto. No matter how someone else treats me I will always treat them with kindness, compassion and understanding because putting more love into the world can only make it better.

My big ass does surf, you don’t call O’ahu, Hawaii your hometown and not surf.

I played football in school, and truthfully it wasn’t my favorite but I loved being part of a team so I stuck it out and I’m glad I did.

Cooking is my passion, I love the work I do with security and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, keeping people safe is something I take very seriously but I love coming home and setting up the grill and fire pit and making a feast for twelve.

I enjoy the idea that I’m the dad of IHQ, I always wanted at least six kids and now it feels like I’ve got fifty and I wouldn’t turn another fifty away.

I do know how to play the Ukulele, and it is funny to see a giant with a tiny guitar.

Alexi Murdoch is my favorite musician, I enjoy anything that I can listen to and just sit outside and enjoy the warmth of the sun.

I talk to my parents almost everyday, and recently they have gotten very into memes and my dad’s been known to make a few of his own, they’re pretty funny.

I was born in New Mexico

Hawaiian Shaved Ice is my favorite treat and it’s probably a good thing I can’t really get it here.

I believe that people are good, I have seen people do some truly horrible, even evil things, but in my forty years the number of people I have seen do the right thing and fight for what is right and good and fair far outweigh the ambitions of the wicked.

I have been part of a flash mob before flash mobs were even a thing, my best friend was getting married and everyone except his bride danced to an original piece of his. She cried and so did I.

I’m a crier in fact I cried earlier today giving someone a hug, sometimes they are just so filled with love it’s overwhelming.

I genuinely love and care about everyone I meet, if I ask you questions about yourself it’s because I want to know, I want to know your story, I want to learn about you and from you.

I am always trying to be a better person, I know I’m never going to be perfect and I don’t want to be, but I do want to be a good person and I think good people are good to people.

I loved school, even though I was always around people even being home schooled, it was awesome to be around kids my own age when I finally went to public school

I was a short chunky kid.

I didn’t reach my full height until I was seventeen, I had two growth spurts which is odd apparently, but I guess my growth plates just didn’t want to fuse.

I have six tattoos, they all means something personal to me, but I can say I have a rendition of the first thing my daughter ever drew me over my heart.

Until I was about fourteen every time I saw the words khaki spelled out I pronounced it as kahiki, all I know is my dad laughed for twenty minutes and to this day he calls me Reesy Kahiki.

I have lived in five of the seven continents, all but Oceania and Antarctica although I’ve been to Australia.

Elephants are my favorite animal, I feel an unexplained connection to them.

I don’t drink soda, even on my cheat days I don’t, I’d rather spend those calories on pie.

I think it’s safe to say I spend most of my time with no shirt on, I am not a fan of shoes or socks either.

I sleep with my windows cracked and no blanket, I use a sheet and I think it’s because I’ve never really had AC in my life, which I am only just now realizing.

I would like to have another kid, I’m not concerned about them being biologically mine but I would love to find someone to raise a kid or two with.

[ollieandrsn]

► oliver anderson + text posts.

bonus:

[alipucks-blog]

you would trade your brother for one corn chip

One fucking chip? That man could probably buy me Frito Lay, that’d be a dumbass trade for real.

you are secretly a softie, and you love all your friends and family

I don’t have friends or family..... I’m batman.

you secretly want to murder connor and colby bc they're old and you can't understand them.

I just want Connor to live up to his full potential and that doesn’t include chugging beer and wearing backwards baseball caps okay. I can fix him. You might have a point with Colby, but him being old isn’t the problem, the issue is he’s satan.

you feel like you're more than what people see you as

Which people? I mean honestly that’s probably true and not true at the same time. Like yeah I am black, gay and female, but I’m also the personification of a sock and that definitely doesn’t get the kind of recognition it deserves.

you're angry all the time.

You got me, I’m actually the Hulk, but like for real, yes I am pretty much always angry and I unleash that shit when I see fit.

[saminatorhq]

[puckmanhq]

You want to do something different with your life someday.

Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck else I’d be good at, like this level of sex appeal and raw charisma basically means my next step’s gonna be porn, but I figure I’ll give it a few more years before I dominate the fuck out of the AVN’s.

You had a vasectomy.

I don’t remember doing that video, but that’s be a sick ass clickbait title.

Jo isn't even yours.

At this point, dude, regardless she’d be my kid, but she is also the fruit of my loins, so...

You talk a big game about your sex life to cover up the fact things are kinda... dry right now

Y’all talk about my sex life more than I do, which is saying something ‘cause I am always saying something, but nah nothing to cover up, just have a kid who’s old enough to know what the fuck is going on and I don’t know man, guess I just don’t want her bombarded with who her dad’s fucking that week.

The reason you don't date is because your heart belongs to lucky

Literally have mad love for Lucky, always have and I always will. She pushed a whole baby out on our behalf, that will always make her my number one, but she’s also my best friend, I mean I don’t think anyone knows me like she does. She kicks my ass when I need and she kisses it sometimes too, however many sides I’ve got she’s seen them all and vice versa. But her having a piece of my heart ain’t got nothing to do with my dating habits.

[puckmanhq]

Start off real weird and let y’all know ya boy ain’t got a single cavityand I never had any braces or a retainer or anything. Was born with these perfect teeth, fam.

Not a fan of chocolate, don’t really like sweet shit in general. Not a sweet tooth kind of guy and if I’m going sweet it’s probably my morning protein shake or my fruit, granola and Greek yogurt snack.

I’ve got a really high tolerance for spicy food, I’m talking Thai lava spice, got the meal for free, kind of tolerance. Apparently, as a kid I use to just eat hot peppers, so I’m that’s how that shit happened. Guess I’ve always liked it hot.

I call my mom, like, five times a week, and I ain’t ashamed.

I’ve got a little sister back home who only OG Prankerman fans have probably seen, she was in my like second every video. She’s just as bad as me, but like 100 times smarter, so she’s actually probably worse.

Despite what google tells you my name is not Noel Elijah, I legit have no idea where that came from, but I’m kinda down with the fact that people don’t know my legal name.

I’ve got two ex’s including Lucky and the other is someone I’ve been linked to in the past.Good luck figuring that shit out.

I am more of a cat person, I mean don’t get me wrong I fucking love dogs but I’ve had more cats as pets than dogs.

I’m a quarter Native, on my mom’s side.

I never graduated high school, most people know that though.

I’m romantic af, y’all don’t even know.

I play guitar, and I’m pretty alright.

I can carry a tune when I fucking want to.

My favorite band is Queen and that’s pretty much all I listen to when I have to run, only way I can get through that shit.

My favorite food is Jerk Chicken.

I wanted to be a firefighter, like I was fucking set on doing that.

Basically everything I do is for my kid, being a dad is my favorite thing about me if I’m being fucking honest.

I’m actually pretty organized, I’m not like super anal about that shit but I put shit back when it goes.

I spent three months in juvie when I was fifteen for doing something really fucking dumb. Be smarter than me kids, whatever illegal shit you’re thinking about doing, don’t, ain’t worth it.

22 Jump Street is legit my favorite movie and you can fucking @ me if you disagree.

Fuck rollercoasters with drops, like I do it but when I did that slingshot shit I passed the fuck out.

I was in gymnastics for six months when I was seven.

I don’t really do caffeine so all this obnoxious energy is just my natural charm.

I permanently fucked the roof of my mouth up when I was thirteen I lit a sparkler and swallowed it.

Ever since I dislocated my left shoulder when I was nineteen I sometimes wake up with that shit just not sitting right and I got to pop it back in myself.

I wake up at 4:30 every morning and have since I was like twenty because I gotta get my workout in and my hour long shower.

I sleep with like three fans running, doesn’t matter how fucking cold it is outside, I need that shit.

I like sweating, just not when I’m trying to fucking sleep.

When I was a kid my mom kept my hair kinda long and I fucking hated it.

I rocked the fuck out of a mohawk for the couple of years I was in high school and I still got laid.

I can’t cook for shit.

Never read or watched Harry Potter, really don’t plan on doing it either.

People better not wear fucking black to my funeral, shit’s fucking depressing.

Got my first tattoo the day after Jo was born, it’s her birthday and her first and middle name.

I got my ex’s name tattooed on me after we broke up and never told her but guess she knows now, shit’s still there too.

I change the code on my phone everyday, gotta protect those secrets man, can’t have my nudes leaking…. again.

I don’t own any apple products.

I use to wish I had a British accent, but then I thought I’d be too damn hot and the world isn’t ready for that.

Hulu is better than Netflix, that’s not even a fact about me that’s just a fucking fact in general.

I know every fucking word from Finding Dory, Jo was basically obsessed and wouldn’t let us watch fucking anything else for six months.

Rihanna is my celebrity crush.

Hozier’s my other celebrity crush.

I wax my chest and it hurts like a bitch every fucking time.

I sleep naked, like that’s not just me joking around and shit on twitter, I legit sleep butt ass naked.

I fucking love that people think I’m taller than I am, means I’m doing something right, giving off that tall man energy.

Without my scruff I look about 12, which is why you’ll never catch me clean shaven, plus my kid whole ass acts like she doesn’t know who the fuck I am when I shave.

I don’t actually get that much shit for free, I could probably ask for more free shit but I like to pay stuff, don’t really wanna owe anyone anything.

I’ve had the same manager since I started in the career, he’s a hardass but he’s legit, shout out to Mr. Knight.

I don’t really spend money on myself, i mostly donate, invest and spend it on friends and family. So long as the bills are paid I’m good.

I use bar soap and it’s usually Irish Spring.