#ihvntn555internship

[ihavenothing555]

i'm either horny, busy or bored. there's no other feeling.

edit: or depressed. i can also be depressed.

[ihavenothing555]

nothing is real; i am not real; i don't exist; nothing matters; everything's a dream; everything's just thoughts and fantasy

[ihavenothing555]

today was baaaaad so i'll write it down here to compensate and be better tomorrow:

-i didn't sleep a lot so that was bad anyways

-i fucked up ALL the time😭 e.g. there are stickers on the wood we work with and that one woman told me to take them off, so i did that and that other dude then told me that he needed them😭 so we had to measure EACH piece of wood and write down numbers on them and that took about 10-20minutes even though it didnt have to be😭 after that i also screwed on the wrong thingies on that other wood thing because i thought they were the right ones😭 i had to get them all off again and put the other ones on :((((

-i also had literally 0% confidence today. i was like "okay soph, say that and that right now to keep the conversation going/ be nice/ show interest/ whatever" and i didn't say anything of it😭😭😭 nothing😭 like i bought them snacks because they always give some to me and i was too scared to tell them what the hell😭

-yeah in the end, already on my way to my car, talking to another employee, i just drop my bottle THATS OUT OF GLASS. RIGHT ON THE STAIRS OUTSIDE. everyone was just walking by and saying things like "dont cut yourself" and "what are you doing" and i thought WELL WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING? dont u want to help instead of letting off those comments???? well at least that guy i was talking to tried to help me and this HUGE bear-man with the softest heart helped me pick up the shards🥺

-and then in the car i noticed that today is the birthday of my grandmother who i will love until i die and well yeah that explained a lot

[ihavenothing555]

i'm so embarrassed idk what to say

there's this guy in my internship and we didn't talk much until today, he's so nice and he even offered me to sit with him at lunch? my social anxiety said "please just leave me alone" but it was so nice so i did that

i was weird and awkward already when we talked but that's the usual, NOW what was so embarrassing?

i tried to drive out of the parking lot (i'm a beginner) and i REALLY didn't know how to do that without driving into someone elses car. That guy saw me struggling and helped me a little, after that he got into his car.

funny little me thought "you know what? i'll keep struggling to be a little more pathetic than before" and of course HE SAW THAT TOO!! then he GOT OUT OF HIS CAR, walked over to me AGAIN and helped me AGAIN.

after that i drove RIGHT BEHIND HIS CAR AND STALLED

i haven't had any issues with driving for sooo long and now this happens AND THAT GUY SEES ME

i am embarrassed

i want to cry