#ihvntn555thoughts

[ihavenothing555]

i'm either horny, busy or bored. there's no other feeling.

edit: or depressed. i can also be depressed.

[ihavenothing555]

why am i like this

i want to leave everyone. every contact i have, every person i know and care for, everyone i love. friends. family.

i don't want to tell them about my life. i don't want them to know stuff about me. i want them to forget me completely and live a happy and even happier life without me.

i want to run away and let all the other people stay right where they are. i have the urge to escape my life and live a new one.

i love my people but i hate them when they love me.

[ihavenothing555]

my dad fell in love with another girl

way before he met my mom

he held his drink way closer to his heart

than he could ever hold his son

[ihavenothing555]

i don't know what i want? I know what i don't want but whenever i do what i don't want it ends up not being too bad and i get used to doing it even though i don't want to do it so... in the end i'm doing it, forgetting about what i once wanted or never in my whole life wanted to do and i exist in the state of: i don't know what i want.

[ihavenothing555]

i'm just like my dad. i escape bad thoughts with bad coping mechanisms. i want to get drunk until i get dizzy and unlikable. i want to cut and hurt myself. i want to stare at screens until i feel numb forever.

i don't want to feel myself.

[ihavenothing555]

i've got nothing to say but to live is to think and to think is to act and to act is to gather everyone around and drink tea and eat cake together

[ihavenothing555]

what if everything i tried and everything i did and every effort i put into it resolves into nothing and i slowly notice that i spent all my time and energy on something that was always meant to be just nothing

[ihavenothing555]

what if talking things out would actually make situations worse than better?