what happened to if i die young?
I really loved IIDY ( and I still do ). It was honestly my baby, and it has a very special place in my heart. I’m so grateful for the many months I roleplayed there when it was a closed small group because it was where I met some of my closest friends and truly grew as a writer. And I’m even more thankful for the amount of interest that was shown when I tried to turn it into a public roleplay -- I never in my wildest dreams thought that we would receive 250+ applications for opening the first go around. I was actually quite worried we wouldn’t be noticed at all truthfully? But I had the pleasure of getting to know so many fantastic people during the application process and the short time the roleplay was open and I’ll always remember that.
But unfortunately, around the time we were supposed to be judging applications, Jules and I became buried with quite a bit of personal issues. I won’t share what Jules was going through, as that’s her story to tell or not tell, but I personally was on the verge of homelessness due to my family’s financial situation and also dealing with family problems in general, and the worries of being on the street left me incredibly depressed. And our third admin disappeared for ages and we weren’t sure what happened to her. Those were the main reasons why it took us so long to shift through the applications, it was just so much, but we loved the roleplay a lot, so we tried our best. However, after we finally finished with acceptances, we were sent a tremendous amount of hate for our decisions, and this coupled with the fact that I was quite possibly about to be homeless, well, it became too much to handle. So as much as I truly loved the roleplay and our amazing members, I decided it was best to step back from the roleplay community and deal with my own personal issues.
The second time around when we tried to revive it, it was basically a similar story on my end. While my financial situation was initially fine, my father lost his job and my family was again on the verge of homelessness because we couldn’t pay the rent, and I became depressed again and unable to focus on anything really, not just roleplay but school as well. Jules was dealing with a lot at the time as well, so we never actually got to acceptances the second time around.
I really wish I could have done a better job because again, the roleplay was ( and still is ) my baby, and I honestly had so much planned for it. I knew exactly where I wanted to take the plot, and I wish I could’ve seen it come to fruition. But I hope you can understand why we just couldn’t continue both times around. We were honestly so dedicated to IIDY, but our real life issues just became far too much to keep going, especially with the amount of attention the rp garnered ( both good and bad ). As much as we wanted to, we couldn’t put in the amount of attention that the roleplay deserved.
That’s basically the gist of the story. Maybe someday, if we have the muse and we’re doing well enough to handle it, we’ll try to bring it back, who knows. Never say never?
But thankfully, even though it did eventually get to the point where my family was homeless for several months at the beginning of this year ( it was honestly a long time coming as you can see ), we ended up okay, and our financial and living situation is finally very stable. And while I do still struggle some depression and anxiety, I’m actually in a pretty good place emotionally right now and able to focus properly on school again after such a long time through the help of treatment. So if anything, take from this that, even though your situation might seem hopeless, it can and will eventually get better if you just hang in there. Don’t give up on yourself. <3
