Mar 10, 2020
My fav author wrote a book about the fake dating trope AND compared her couple to dramione.
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My fav author wrote a book about the fake dating trope AND compared her couple to dramione.
If I Never Met You: Chapter 41
(Taehyung X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader
Genre: (PG13) Angst, but lots of fluff
WC: 3.6k
Warnings: None
Series Masterlist
Chapter 40 | Chapter 41 | Chapter 42
You had never seen Jin so angry. The look on his face was almost enough to make you feel absolutely terrified, even if you knew that anger wasn’t directed at you.
There was no getting past being honest with Jin after he already heard so much. So Yoongi had grabbed his arm and hurriedly dragged him into the stairwell before attempting to calm him down and explain what he had heard.
But there was apparently no calming him down.
“And you guys felt like this wasn’t important information to share?” Seokjin asked.
“We thought it was better if less people knew about it,” Taehyung replied. “There’s nothing we can do at this point, and Bang PD already told noona that he’s going to let her finish healing without anything else being asked of her.”
“That doesn’t make it any less wrong,” Seokjin agitatedly replied. “Are you just letting it slide? Not going to do anything about it?”
“If you heard about that, then didn’t you hear what I told noona?” Yoongi asked, meeting Jin’s intensity.
“I heard Y/n saying about the article’s release being intentional and done behind her back,” Jin answered. “I wasn’t close enough to make out anything before that. But frankly, I don’t care what you said, Yoongi. Something should be done about it!”
“First of all, would you just- please calm down,” Yoongi said, attempting to do the same for himself. “Don’t go waking the whole building. And you should care about what I said before that. What do you want us to do, hyung? Barge into Bang’s office, tell him how much of an injustice it was, and demand he compensate her?”
“Sure, that sounds like a great start,” Jin said, still obviously very agitated, but his voice at a reasonable volume.
“Okay, then what?” Yoongi asked. “Do you think he’s going to just admit it? Do you think there is no chance whatsoever of it affecting noona’s job? Or our own? Do you really want to risk everything you’ve worked for for years, and risk making noona losing her job, make her have to move back home? While she’s still healing?”
“He can’t just do stuff like that, though!” Jin replied incredulously.
“He’s a businessman, Jin,” you said. “He saw an opportunity to better your guys’ image and popularity and he took it.”
Your friend turned to you and furrowed his brows. “You’re not telling me right now that you’re okay with him just- just using you like that, are you?”
“Of course I’m not!” you whisper yelled, making the boys around you flinch. “It is constantly bothering me. He called me earlier today, and I felt so awkward I had no idea how to talk to him. He apologized for asking me to go to the airport to pick you guys up, but I wanted so badly for him to come clean and apologize about the article instead. I can’t tell you how much I want to just wheel right into his office and demand that he tell me what he did and why he did it, even if I already know. I want to hear it straight from his mouth, and I want him to tell me he knows he did something wrong and say he’ll never do it again. But it’s not going to happen, Jin. It’s just not.”
Letting all of the anger you’ve felt over the situation out in your rant made you feel breathless. The others remained quiet for a moment, probably unsure of how to respond to something like that.
“Yoongi is right,” you said. “It’s wrong, and he shouldn’t have done it. I’m getting more attention than I ever asked for and it’s nerve-wracking being this much in the public eye. But what good will it do to ask for an apology? It will make him aware that I know what he did, and probably wonder who else knows. I have no idea if I’d get fired, if he’ll do something to make sure that I can’t tell anyone. And I’m scared of how it could affect you guys. I needed to talk to Tae and Yoongi today because I just had a lot of emotions and wanted to confront him, but knew it wasn’t a good idea and they helped reason that with me.”
Jin chewed on the inside of his cheek while he calmed himself down. “I’m still not okay with this.”
“Neither am I,” you admitted. “But what else can we do, really? Other than hope that he decides to come clean about it on his own.”
“Hyung, please promise you won’t do anything,” Tae pleaded in a small voice. “I really wish I could too, believe me. But I just don’t think this is one of those things we can fight.”
Seokjin didn’t look any of you in the eyes while he said, “Don’t worry, I won’t. I’m sorry for exploding like that, I just-” he sighed, unable to finish his sentence.
“I know, hyung,” Yoongi said, placing a hand on Jin’s shoulder. “I felt the same when I found out. I understand.”
“Now I get why he’s acting so apologetic, though,” Seokjin said. “When he gave us permission to take a long break to take you out of the house, he just seemed odd. I couldn’t place what it was, but it was almost like he felt guilty. Which I guess could be explained by the airport, but it felt like more than that.”
“I mean, being attacked by a couple of sasaengs does make one afraid to leave the house when they’re so defenseless,” you said, laughing a little. “If I could stand on my feet and run away, that’s one thing, but I’m literally at others’ mercy like this.”
“That’s why you have us to protect you,” Tae said, smiling widely at you.
You smiled back, feeling more at ease now that you were all on the same page.
“Alright, let’s get back before someone else gets curious and eavesdrops,” Yoongi said, sending Jin a teasing look.
It was Jin who took you back to your apartment, helping you into bed. Nobody really argued when he silently decided he’d do it, figuring it would help him feel better to help you in the ways that he at least knew he could.
“I seriously can’t wait until you can start walking again,” he said as he helped you gather your covers and tuck in. “Not that it’s a burden to help you, but just because I know how frustrating it is for you.”
You chuckled. “Yeah, you and me both.”
Jin suddenly looked serious as he sat on the edge of your bed. “Y/n, you know you can always come to me for anything, right? If you need anything, I’m here for you.”
You smiled at him. “I know Jin. I promise I will. If I need to talk or just need some company or something, you’re the first person I’d go to.”
“You really are like family, you know?” he said. “It’s not just me. But you really are like a sister to me. So I want to be a good brother to you.”
“You are, Jin. I treasure your friendship. And I love being a part of this family. I would never trade any of you guys for anything.”
“Even if it meant you’d instantly be rich?”
“Absolutely,” you didn’t hesitate to answer. “I’d pick living a poor and hard life if it meant that I had the seven of you with me. I’d even be willing to be stuck in a wheelchair for life.”
Jin laughed quietly. “Well, we’re for sure going to try to not let any of that happen. But thank you, I’m sure we all feel the same.”
He gave your hand a squeeze as he leaned in to kiss your forehead before getting up and you one last ‘good night’ while he left.
You really did have such a wonderful family here.
By now it had been about two months since your injury. It could take up to six for your legs to fully heal, and with you staying entirely off your feet the hope was that you’d heal more quickly than that.
Two days after that night in the stairwell, Mrs. Kim attended your doctor appointment with you. She was really sweet and you couldn’t have been more grateful for her wanting to keep you company during this short time. It was especially a relief having someone with you when you visited the doctor. Not that you were scared of hospitals or anything, but you often had trouble remembering to ask questions and just nodded along to what the doctor told you. So someone else being there who could remember to do so was a huge help.
After an x-ray of your legs to see how the bones were healing, your doctor informed you that the healing process was going well. It would still be a little while before he recommended anything like walking, but they were at least healed enough that putting some weight on them shouldn’t have been bothersome.
To test it out, he asked you to place your feet on the floor and put a small amount of pressure on them and told you to immediately stop if you felt any pain. You found that it didn’t really hurt with just a bit of weight, but it did feel weird to do so for the first time in so long.
With the confirmation that it didn’t cause any pain, he told you that you were able to assist when people helped you in and out of your chair now. They still had to hold the majority of your weight, but walking lightly to help make it easier on them was no problem.
It was small progress, but it made you feel happy and excited, nonetheless.
After the doctor appointment, you decided you wanted to go back to the office first and let Bang and hopefully the boys know the news.
You felt nervous since this would be your first time seeing him in person since you learned about the article, at least if he was available to see you. But you felt it was important that he knew any progress in your condition and it wasn’t like you could avoid him forever. You had to see him at some point, so might as well rip the band-aid off now.
Your boss ended up not being at his office, and a quick message to Sejin let you know that the boys were practicing choreography for the concert so you headed toward the practice room in the meantime. You waited outside with Mrs. Kim, watching through the window as they practiced for Boyz With Fun. The choreography for the song was more lighthearted and didn’t need to be precise since the song was mostly for fun, but it was still very high energy.
When the song ended and didn’t restart right away, Taehyung’s mother knocked lightly on the door, not wanting to intrude without permission. It was Hoseok who came to open it, smiling brightly despite looking exhausted. “Hello eomeoni, noona. What are you guys doing here?”
“We wanted to stop and say hi,” you said. “We just came from my doctor appointment.”
“Oh, that’s right! That was today!” Hoseok sounded excited. “You can come in. We’re due for a break anyway.”
He opened the door wide, holding it while you wheeled through after Tae’s mom.
“You had your appointment today?” Namjoon asked from his spot on the floor through ragged breaths. “How’d it go?”
“My legs are healing well,” you said with a smile. “He said I can put a little bit of pressure on my feet now.”
“Really?!” Jimin asked, sitting up straight after having been laying flat on the floor.
You nodded. “No walking or anything yet, but he said I can put some weight on them to help when you guys are moving me in and out of the chair.”
“That’s great!” Tae said, smiling widely as your eyes met his. “That’s huge progress. That means your bones are healing really well.”
You smiled softly, feeling your heart skip a beat. It felt silly, but everyone seemed so enthusiastic and made it seem like it was such a big deal when it was really only just a small amount of progress.
That, and how are you supposed to not feel affected when Taehyung was staring at you like that.
“Yes, the doctor said she’s healing really well,” Mrs. Kim said. “He said she’s healing faster than they expected, almost as fast as they hoped she would. He expects it to be no more than two months, if that, until she’s able to start getting back on her feet.”
“And then you’ll be able to resume being our manager,” Jungkook said.
“Well, after I can walk again, yeah,” you said. “I can already feel how weak my legs are. They’re going to need a good amount of physical therapy before I can walk entirely unassisted.”
“But that’s still so much closer than it could have been,” Namjoon smartly added. “With how bad that fracture was, the doctor said it could have taken up to six months. But since you’ve been really good about resting your legs, I guess that helps a whole lot, huh?”
You nodded. “That’s what he said. He said he could tell that I’d been following his instructions to not put any pressure or weight on them.”
“How much longer are you boys practicing?” Mrs. Kim asked.
“Probably another hour,” Hoseok said. “We have a few things to refine, but we made a deal that if we can do the choreography with no mistakes for five runs in a row then we can go home early. I think we can do it.”
“Well, I guess I’d better go get dinner ready then, hm?” she responded. “I want to make something a little special today since we got the good news from the doctor.”
“It’s really no big deal, eomeoni,” you insisted.
“Nonsense! Every step is progress, and that’s something to celebrate.”
“I still need to let Bang know,” you said. “I might need to just call or text him to tell him.”
You could see Jin’s head turning to you out of the corner of your eye at the mention of your boss’ name. “We can tell him for you if you want,” he said.
“It’s fine.” You smiled in his direction. “I can talk to him.”
Jin took a moment to think before nodding, clearly understanding what you meant. You were okay with talking to him despite the fact that you still hadn’t quite gotten over what happened.
“Do you want to stay, noona?” Taehyung asked hesitantly. “I know you used to like to watch us practice. You could stay and go home with us?”
You turned toward his mother, about to ask her what she thought before she beat you to answering.
“That sounds like a lovely idea,” she said, smiling. “You have been wanting to get out of the house more anyway. Do you want to stay?”
“That would be nice,” you didn’t hesitate to answer. Seeing Tae’s boxy smile break out on his face at your response most certainly didn’t make your heart skip again. Not at all.
“Alright, I’ll see you back at your apartment in a little while then,” Mrs. Kim said before turning toward the door. “Take good care of her, boys!”
When she left, you wheeled yourself to the front of the room, as close to the corner as you could so you wouldn’t be in the way of their reflection.
“Do you want to sit on the floor?” Taehyung asked. “We can use our jackets to make a little seat for you, it might be more comfortable than your chair.”
You thought about it for a moment, realizing that that would help keep you more out of the way for them since your chair could be folded up as well. “If it’s not too much trouble, then sure. It’ll keep me from blocking your guys’ reflection, too.”
Taehyung’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean it like that!” he backtracked, flailing his hands around a bit.
“Whatever is more comfortable for you is more important,” Namjoon chimed in. “You’re not in the way, not at all. But if you’d prefer to sit on the floor, then it’s no trouble for us.”
You smiled at their thoughtfulness. “I know that’s not why you asked, Tae. It’s okay, it was just my own concern. But yeah, if you don’t mind I would definitely like to spend some time out of this chair.’”
“Absolutely,” Jin answered, smiling reassuringly. Everyone jumped into action, grabbing their spare jackets to pile into the corner.
You wheeled yourself away so they could work and turned to look at what they were doing. A smile slowly spread across your face as you watched them quietly discuss how to set everything out so that it was the smoothest and most comfortable they could make it.
It made your heart swell, the amount of thought and care they put into such a small task. You really didn’t know what you would do without them.
After almost everyone sat on the little pile of clothes, testing to make sure that it was comfortable enough (It was only supposed to be Jimin, but then a few of the others decided they wanted to make sure themselves, which of course made you laugh), they dispersed and you approached the makeshift seat. You locked your wheels, Taehyung approaching to help you get out. Scooching forward as usual, you internally reminded yourself that it was okay to put some weight on your feet to help him out. Especially since you were being moved to the floor, it would require a bit more maneuvering than the usual chair-to-bed or vice versa.
But when Taehyung reached out for you, he wasn’t standing in front of you and with both arms reaching underneath your arms. He instead was a little to the side, one arm wrapping around your shoulders as the other looped underneath your knees. Just as you were opening your mouth to ask what he was doing, he lifted you with ease, hands reflexively linking behind his neck to keep yourself steady.
Before you could even blink you were being held princess style, which most definitely wasn’t the standard way of picking someone up out of a wheelchair. You had to resist the urge to tuck your face into his chest to hide your embarrassment, brain working well enough to notice that that would only make things worse.
“What are you doing?” you finally managed to ask as he knelt down next to the clothing pile to set you down. “Why’d you pick me up like that?”
“It was easier,” he answered. “Less shuffling and easier to get you sitting down.”
It felt like forever before you were finally sitting on the floor, even though it must have must have been no more than ten seconds. Once he pulled away you found yourself feeling simultaneously relieved and disappointed at the loss of his warmth.
Looking up at the others, you caught the knowing smirk and raised eyebrows on Jin’s face. You felt a sudden urge to smack the expression off of him, but of course you couldn’t exactly get up and walk.
“Comfy?” Hoseok asked, giving some of the material around you another fluff for good measure.
“Yes, it’s nice and soft. Thank you,” you said.
“Good,” he responded. “Alright, let’s get her chair folded up and get back to practice, guys!”
It was really nice to watch them practice again. It felt so normal, you could almost forget that your injury ever happened and like you were still working with your boys almost every day.
At one point, when they had just a moment in between runs through the choreography, Jimin captured a selfie of the two of you. He sent it to Sejin with what he wanted to caption it with to get it approved before saving to post on Twitter later.
It ended up being closer to two hours, rather than the one that Hobi projected, before they were perfect enough to head home early. Luckily, you weren’t picked up so intimately this time as you were helped back into your chair by Yoongi. He said he wanted to let you practice and get used to letting your feet rest on the floor and help do some of the work.
You appreciated your heart being saved from anymore palpitations today.
Even on the walk home, you felt so refreshed at even the smallest return to normalcy that you didn’t care about Jungkook wanting to push your chair for you when you’d usually insist on wheeling yourself.
Mrs. Kim’s delicious homemade dinner filled with laughter and the company of your closest friends warmed your heart even more, so by the time you got around to texting your boss if he was available and calling him when he responded, you didn’t feel even the slightest pit in your stomach as you had the previous day.
You still had quite a while to go, but everyone was right. You were making progress and despite how small, it was reason enough to be excited and celebrate. It was enough to help keep you going as you waited for the day that you could walk again, at least for now. Nothing was perfect and there were certainly more things that you needed to personally work through, but it was the little steps to be celebrated that would help you climb your way there.
After laying down for the night, you got the notification that BTS tweeted. You clicked to see a sweet but short message about how you heard good news from the doctor today, and how excited they were to have you cheering on their practice.
You fell asleep with a smile on your face and dreamt of your head pressed against a warm chest while strong arms carried you.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 40 | Chapter 41 | Chapter 42
Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove @ramyagovindraj @rjsmochii @overtherainbow35 @leesalts @whobuiltthemoon @bethebitchuare @shookysxga @jeneate101
Send me a message or ask if you want tagged! And also feel free to leave comments or send asks to just talk to me!
Also, if you’d like to donate to my Ko-fi, feel free! Absolutely no pressure though :)
You can also check out my Etsy shop for BTS inspired charms as well!
If I Never Met You: Christmas Drabble
(Taehyung X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader
Warnings: None
Genre: (PG13) Fluff
WC: 360
Series Masterlist
A/N – Surprise! Here’s a drabble that I got inspiration for on Christmas and wanted to write. I’m may start doing more of these little random drabbles in the future. I hope that this helps as a peace offering for not only taking so long to get Chapter 40 out, but also for intentionally taking a short break from writing the story as well.
It’s belated, but Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
Date: 2020-12-25, Christmas Day
Taehyung watched as you listened to the song, looking for any signs of how you felt about it. You were very carefully holding a blank expression, not wanting to let him see how much you loved Snow Flower just yet.
Once the sounds of the brass and string instruments faded out, Taehyung's expression turned expectant, waiting for your verdict.
"Well?" he asked, looking nervous just as he always when he did something like this.
You pretended to be thinking seriously for a moment before you could no longer keep the façade and let a wide smile spread on your face. "I absolutely love it," you finally said, and Taehyung visibly relaxed. "It's so soft and sweet. And your English is getting really good! You didn't even ask for my help this time."
"Well that would defeat the purpose of a surprise wouldn't it?" Taehyung chuckled. "So it's a good present?"
"Any gift from you is a great present," you assured him, leaning in to give him a gentle kiss.
Taehyung smiled, looking at you with that ever-present love in his eyes. How you got so lucky to be able to call this man yours was beyond you, but you’d always be incredibly thankful for it.
“It’ll be interesting to see what Army has to say about it,” Taehyung said. “Especially since they know who it was I had in mind when writing the song this time.”
“If anything, you’re just going to get more hate comments and dislikes now.”
He pouted, gathering you up in his arms. “Noooooo, they love you, noona! They always have and still do. And for those who decided they have a right to tell me what to do and who to love, they don’t matter. But you know just how much support you’re getting.”
“I know, baby. I became good at channeling out the haters years ago, don’t worry.”
“Good,” he said, placing a kiss on your forehead before dropping his grip from your waist to your hands, tugging you toward the tree you carefully set up in your living room. “Now, don’t think that was my only gift I have for my beautiful fiancé.”
Series Masterlist
Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove @ramyagovindraj @rjsmochii @overtherainbow35 @leesalts @whobuiltthemoon @bethebitchuare @shookysxga
Send me a message or ask if you want tagged! And also feel free to leave comments or send asks to just talk to me!
Also, if you’d like to donate to my Ko-fi, feel free! Absolutely no pressure though :)
If I Never Met You: Chapter 39
(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader - Revealed this chapter!
Genre: (PG13) Fluff
WC: 1.7k
Warnings: None
Series Masterlist
Chapter 38 | Chapter 39 | Chapter 40
A/N - Sorry for the extended wait on this one. I had more things to do than I expected when it came to arranging things for my shop and had other things I needed to take care of in my personal life. But yeah, the wait is finally over!
Also, apologies that it's a little shorter than my usual chapters. I'll do my best to make the next ones a bit longer, but I really didn't have anything else to add for this one that would flow with it.
You sat in the living room, Taehyung having helped you out of bed, feeling strangely nervous with the woman smiling at you from across the small table.
“How are you doing, dear?” she asked.
“I-I’m fine, eomeoni,” you replied.
“You’re not hurt or anything?” You could feel her eyes roaming over your body, trying to check for injuries.
“No. Only some minor bruises and scrapes, nothing serious,” you assured her. “They did an x-ray and everything so we know my legs are fine.”
“Good, I’m glad those brats didn’t cause you any extra trouble than they already have,” she said, standing up. “I’m assuming you haven’t eaten yet?”
“Oh. No, I guess I haven’t.”
She walked to your kitchen, opening up one of the bags that she had brought with her. “I brought plenty of side dishes, and I can cook up some rice and meat. Shouldn’t take too long to get some dinner ready.”
“Thank you,” you said with a soft smile.
“How long are you planning on staying?” Taehyung asked.
“Probably about two weeks, if that’s alright with Y/n,” she replied.
“Two weeks?” Tae repeated. “That’s a long time. You sure you don’t need to go back home sooner?”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were unhappy to see me.”
“No, that’s not it,” Tae said. “I am just surprised, is all. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“Because I wanted to surprise you,” she replied. “Is it too much for a mother to expect her son to be happy to see her?”
“I am happy!” Taehyung replied, shuffling quickly into the kitchen to hug his mother. He had her arms restrained in his grip, stopping her from getting out ingredients to cook with while he smothered her. “I missed you,” he singsonged, elongating the last syllable for emphasis. “I love you, eomma!” Tae loudly smacked a kiss to her cheek, making her laugh.
“Okay, okay,” she said, patting his arm in an effort to get him to loosen his grip. “Let me make you food.”
Tae made a whining noise. “You didn’t say it back.”
Mrs. Kim sighed, chuckling. “I love you too, Taehyung. Now can I have my arms back please?”
Tae smiled widely as he let her get back to what she was doing, and walked back into the living room to keep out of the way.
The whole exchange had you smiling, unable to not be endeared by the cute sight. But as she resumed getting ingredients ready you couldn’t help but ask, “Are you sure you want to stay for that long, eomeoni?”
“I’ll only stay that long if it’s okay with you, sweetheart,” she said. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome, but I figured it might be nice for you to have a mother’s touch around here while you’re healing. And of course the company.” She turned to you to smile sweetly.
While you couldn’t help but to feel nervous with the knowledge that the mother of the boy you’d been crushing on for longer than you’d like to admit was going to be staying with you that long, you also couldn’t deny that that did sound nice.
“If you want me to leave sooner, that’s perfectly okay,” Mrs. Kim said when you took a moment to respond. “I won’t be offended.”
“No, it’s fine,” you assured her. “You’re not wrong. It does get a bit lonely sometimes.”
You could practically hear the frown on Tae’s face, it was so deep. “I’m sorry, noona. I wish we could spend more time with you.”
“Stop apologizing,” you said. “You guys have a job to do. Don’t feel bad for something that you can’t help.”
As Mrs. Kim made dinner, which was smelling more and more delicious by the minute, she caught up with Taehyung. She told him stories about his siblings—how well his sister was doing in school, the crazy stories his brother had come up with recently—and other things he’d missed from home since the last time they saw each other.
Despite it not being long at all since the last time you saw your own mother, you couldn’t help but miss your family as you heard them talk. But more than that, you smiled as you listened, Mrs. Kim’s frequent looks in your direction as she talked a queue that she was okay with you being included in the conversation. You knew that Taehyung, as well as the other members, missed their families a lot so it was really nice to see him get to spend some time with his mother.
As if summoned by the presence of food, not one moment after Taehyung’s mother announced that dinner was ready was your door opened and the rest of the boys walked in.
“You said your mom is here?” Jimin asked Taehyung.
“Yup, she just finished making dinner,” he confirmed.
“Eomeoni!” Jin called brightly, walking into the kitchen. “Let me help you with that.” He took one of the plates of food from her to carry back to the table.
“Thank you, Seokjin,” she said. “I was just about to ask Taehyung to call you guys over to eat. Good timing.”
The others all greeted her as they helped set up the table before sitting down to eat.
Dinner was, just as you assumed by the wonderful smells coming from the kitchen, really delicious. Taehyung particularly looked incredibly happy to be eating his mother’s cooking again, and the table was filled with praise from everyone about how amazing it was.
“I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about a mother’s cooking,” Hoseok said as he cleaned the last bits of rice from his bowl. “So delicious.”
“You can say that again,” Namjoon agreed. “I don’t think I’ve felt this satisfied after a meal since the last time noona cooked for us.”
Your brows furrowed, going over the interaction in your head again. “I’m not a mother, though. If that’s the standard you’re talking about, then why my cooking...?”
“We already covered this, noona,” Jungkook said. “You and Sejin-hyung are our parents.”
You rolled your eyes.
“Not to mention, you’re surprisingly good at making Korean food,” Jin added. “Even better than me, really.”
“Well thank you, but I’m sure that you can agree I am absolutely nowhere near this level,” you said. “Thank you so much for dinner, eomeoni. It was really delicious.”
“You’re all very welcome,” Mrs. Kim responded, starting to stack dishes.
“Leave that to me,” Taehyung said, taking them from her hands and taking them into the kitchen. “Those who cook don’t do the dishes.”
“Well, that’s new,” his mom said, sounding surprised. “Thank you, Taehyung.”
After Taehyung and Jimin did the dishes together, you ushered everyone back to their own house. They had a bunch of fan sign events the next few days, so you didn’t want them staying up too late when they needed all the energy they could get.
Before leaving, Namjoon realized Tae’s mother would need to know how to get you in and out of your chair if she were to be helping you, so he helped show her how to do it properly, and someone else had thought to bring some blankets and pillows for her as well while you were busy with that.
Once that was all done and everyone else left, you couldn’t help but feel nervous with the fact that it was just the two of you left in your house. You had yet to be alone with her, and while you weren’t entirely sure why you felt nervous you had an inkling it had something to do with the fact that you had more than platonic feelings toward her son.
She quickly eased those nerves when she broke the silence between you. “I haven’t gotten a chance to thank you yet.”
You looked at her curiously. “Thank me? For what?”
“For what you did for my son,” she clarified. “He’s been telling me so much about you ever since you became their manager, so I already knew you were a good person. But not everyone would have done what you did that day.”
The compliment in that statement left you feeling shy. “It was really nothing,” you said, voice quiet. “Part of my job is to make sure nothing happens to them. That they’re safe.”
Mrs. Kim hummed. “That may be true, but I’m sure that doesn’t usually include jumping in the middle of danger for them. You’re not a security guard. And even then, most people wouldn’t go that far. The natural reaction to something like that is to either freeze from shock, or protect yourself. And there’s no shame in that. But it really speaks volumes about who you are as a person that you only considered his well-being in a split moment like that.”
You had no idea what you could say to that. You understood what she was saying, and it was true that your own personal safety wasn’t even in the smallest corner of your mind until you were already hurt. But how do you take a compliment, a praise, like that casually?
When you stayed silent, she reached out to place her hand on top of where yours rested in your lap. “Taehyung has had nothing but great things to say about you ever since you met. That boy could just look at someone and then suddenly they’re friends. But even then, I can tell who he really considers important, who he is closest to. You’re definitely one of those people for him. And I’m really glad to know that his group has you, seeing the testament to what you’re willing to do for them. But at the same time, I do hope you don’t forget to take care of yourself and your own safety first from now on, too. Okay?”
Still feeling as though your vocal chords suddenly froze up and stopped working, the only thing you could do was nod in response.
Taehyung’s mother smiled brightly—that smile was most definitely genetic—at your confirmation that you’d be more careful, patting your hand before helping you get into bed for the night.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 38 | Chapter 39 | Chapter 40
Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove @ramyagovindraj @rjsmochii @overtherainbow35 @leesalts @whobuiltthemoon
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If I Never Met You: Chapter 33
(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader
Genre: (PG13) Angst, fluff
WC: 2.9k
Warnings: Serious injury (NOT life-threatening)
Series Masterlist
Chapter 32 | Chapter 33 | Chapter 34
A/N - Thank you to the lovely @ditttiii for giving this a beta read for me and helping to make this chapter better! I love you!
You sat a distance behind the filming crew observing the music video being shot, Jimin snuggling close to you. You woke up way too early today in order to fit in as much filming as possible and the first scene filmed was Jimin’s, which involved a bathtub and a lot of water. Hence why he was stuck to your side, still looking for warmth even after drying off and changing into fresh clothes.
This video was by far the most ambitious one yet in the boys’ careers. The story beginning in this video and with this album had started being created almost a year ago now, and had been worked on and tweaked for the longest time until it was finally settled into what will be presented this comeback. Hardly any of you even had the story straight though – it was very interesting and really well-planned out, but also rather confusing and convoluted. It’ll be interesting to see what the fans come up with when they realize there’s a plotline to be uncovered.
“How many more days of filming do we have left?” Jimin asked, his voice muffled from where his face was tucked into your arm.
“I don’t know for sure, it depends on how well things go,” you said. “But since the majority of the outdoor scenes are done, I think it’s safe to say we’re getting close to the end.”
“I hope they don’t need me to do any more shots in that bathtub.” Jimin shivered. “It’s taking me forever to warm up.”
“It’d be quicker if you go into the dressing room where it’s warmer,” you suggested. A space heater had been turned on in the room earlier to help the boys whose scenes were less than comfortable to endure.
“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have someone to cuddle with so that’s boring,” Jimin whined.
You smiled, letting Jimin stay where he was. Everyone here didn’t even bat an eye at Jimin being cuddly with you—it really wasn’t an unusual occurrence. Just as long as everyone stayed focused and did their work, that’s what mattered. And for you, all you needed to do for now was sit by and watch the filming take place. Rather boring on your part, really. You only needed to make sure things were going smoothly.
Yoongi’s scene finished, and he was immediately being wrapped in a blanket as he walked away from the set. In contrast to Jimin, Yoongi’s scenes involved being surrounded by fire in a burning hotel room. Being surrounded by intense heat, no matter how uncomfortable, meant that as soon as the heat was gone the drastic temperature change would make him feel incredibly cold – hence the blanket.
He walked past you and Jimin, looking like he was heading toward the dressing room.
“Hyung,” Jimin called out, “why don’t you come here? Noona is really warm to snuggle with!”
Yoongi barely glanced your way, shivering underneath the fabric wrapped around him. “No thanks, the dressing room is warmer.”
“Let me know if you need anything, Yoongi,” you yelled before he was out of earshot. He lifted his hand, hidden underneath the blanket, but it was enough of a gesture for you to know that he had heard you.
The next scene the crew was preparing to film was Taehyung’s. His scene was one of the more mature ones – most of it wouldn’t make it into the first cut of the music video being released next month. But there were plans to have a second version released with more clips to show the story which would include the bloody ones from Tae’s scene, making the video rated for adult viewers only.
In the scene, there would be two other actors portraying Taehyung’s father and sister. It was pretty intense, including a small fight scene with his character’s abusive father. Tae was a bit nervous about it, but if any of the boys could pull off this scene, it would be him. You knew he’d do well.
You wanted to watch the scene from a bit closer, much to Jimin’s displeasure, so he finally went back to the dressing room to finish warming up while you stood nearby as the crew prepped to film the next scene.
They began filming the opening of the scene where Taehyung walked through the hallway and saw his father hitting his sister through the open doorway. He grabbed one of the bottles on the nearby table and rushed in to defend his sister.
They shot the scene a few more times to make sure to get the best take, along with a few other ones to set up the scene better. After that, the camera filmed from inside the room to get a good angle of Taehyung ‘hitting’ his father on the head with the bottle after rushing into the room.
The next portion to be filmed was of the father fighting back a bit by pushing Taehyung away, before Tae rushed back at him. Everyone got ready to begin filming the scene, which was for sure going to take quite a few takes.
During the second take, the actor ended up pushing Taehyung into the standing shelving unit against the wall. Since it was all acting, he wasn’t pushed hard and he immediately assured everyone that he wasn’t hurt while the actor apologized. You approached them, double checking with Tae to make sure that he really was okay and he smiled, assuring you that he was in fact, perfectly fine.
You backed away, giving everyone room to start filming again. His reassurances did ease your mind a little, but you still watched closely as they continued. You relaxed after a few more takes went by fine, and the director announced that the next take would be the last one before moving onto the next part of the scene.
The take began, Tae mimed the action of hitting the actor over the head with the bottle. Once he recovered, the actor pushed Tae back. He ended up knocking Taehyung into the shelves again, harder than the first time.
It all happened so quickly. All you knew was that the furniture was obviously wobbling from the impact, it looked dangerously close to falling over, and Taehyung was still standing right in front of it. You didn’t even think before you pushed past the filming crew to reach for Taehyung, pulling him away from the object as quickly as you could.
In your haste, you hadn’t accounted for yourself and before you knew it the heavy furniture was making contact with your shins, forcing you to the floor. The sound that left your mouth when you felt the force of the impact was one you didn’t recognize as your own.
Your mind was reeling, still working on catching up on everything that occurred within the span of just a few seconds. It was only when the adrenaline from the situation began to wear off that you were able to feel the pain radiating from your legs. You kept your mouth closed to at least try and muffle the scream that you couldn’t hold back.
“Help me get this off of her!” you heard someone yell. Yourmind was too muddled by the pain and shock to recognize who it was.
“And where the fuck is the medic?!”
Taehyung couldn’t do anything as the events continued to unfold in front of him. One second he was acting, the next he was being roughly pulled away. Before he could even turn around to see what was going on he heard cracking sounds, and then came the godawful scream. That horrendous sound that he had never ever imagined he would hear come out of your mouth.
When he finally turned around and assessed the situation - seeing you on the floor and the shelving fallen over, having landed on your legs – Taehyung was frozen. You, his manager and friend, were hurt because of him. Because he didn’t pay attention, you jumped in and protected him. It shouldn’t be you that was hurt, it should be him.
He heard voices around him, but they sounded distant. It wasn’t until he felt someone pushing past him that he was knocked back into reality. It was Yoongi who, in his rush to reach your side, had bumped into Taehyung’s shoulder.
“Help me get this off of her!” Yoongi yelled as he stared at Taehyung, holding onto one side of the dresser.
Taehyung quickly jumped into action at his hyung’s words, gripping the opposite side.
“And where the fuck is the medic?!”
“Lift on three?” Tae asked, and Yoongi nodded. They counted in unison, using as much strength as they could to lift the heavy wood, placing it back where it belonged against the wall. Once it was safely back in place, both of them frantically kneeled on the floor on either side of you.
“Noona?” Yoongi asked gently. You seemed to be in a lot of pain, which wasn’t a surprise if the sound from earlier was any indication to how injured you were. “Noona, can you hear me?” he asked again when you didn’t reply. Taehyung slowly reached down, brushing some of your disheveled hair out of your face.
“Y-yes, I ca-an hear y-you,” you managed to say. Taehyung decided he really didn’t like hearing how pained your voice was.
Before they could say or do anything else, the medic rushed over carrying a medical bag and asked both of them to move so he could assess your injuries.
Taehyung felt like he was running on autopilot when Yoongi directed him away from the scene toward the other members. He felt familiar comforting hands and hugs and barely registered mumbled words of concern. The whole time, he couldn’t pull his eyes away from where you lay on the floor.
There has to be something I can do. I was the one who was supposed to get hurt, not her.
“Taehyung,” a voice called.
“Yah! Taehyung-ah!” it called a second time, just loud enough to pull him out of his own head. He turned to the source of the voice to see his leader looking serious. “Don’t talk like that. It’s not your fault, okay? No one was meant to get hurt in the first place, so don’t you dare go saying you should be. Got it?”
He was confused for a moment before he realized he must have spoken his thoughts out loud. “But, hyung-”
“No,” Namjoon said. He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t need to. The look on his face said it all.
“She’s going to be okay, right?” Jimin asked shakily.
“I doubt it was anything life-threatening,” Yoongi said. “So technically, yes.”
“How bad do you think it is?” Jungkook’s voice was hardly audible.
“It’s definitely not good,” Taehyung managed to say. “I heard… I heard cracking sounds. More than one.”
“I’m not surprised,” Namjoon said. “I mean, furniture like that can be heavy in the first place, and add the fact that it was small surface areas that made contact, combined with the force of gravity and-”
“Namjoon!” Seokjin interrupted him. “You’re nervous rambling, and none of your smart brain knowledge is helping anyone feel any better. Please, just stop.”
Ashamed, Joon lowered his head. “Sorry, hyung.”
“It’s okay,” Jin comforted him, squeezing his shoulder. “I know you’re worried, just like all of us.”
“I’m going to call Sejin hyung,” Hoseok said before walking away. He tried to hide the fact that he was starting to tear up, but they all knew him too well to not notice.
In a blur that Taehyung could hardly remember, an ambulance came to take you to the hospital, Sejin came to the filming studio and the on-site medic informed him that both of your legs were broken, filming was called off for the next few days, and Sejin got all seven of the members packed up to go to the hospital. It was a unanimous decision that they couldn’t just go home after something like that, they wanted to be as close to their manager, their friend as possible
You were groggy and dizzy. As you felt yourself waking up, you tried opening your eyes but your eyelids felt really heavy. After a few moments, you managed to crack my eyes open just a little before they fell shut again. Trying a few more times, you eventually managed to get them to stay open, while your mind finished returning from wherever it had ventured off to under the effects of the anesthesia.
All you knew was that you did not like the feeling of waking up after being put under with that stuff. You hoped you would never need to do that again. As you fully woke up, you started to feel sore. You had an IV connected to your arm, which was no doubt delivering pain medication to your system, otherwise you were sure you’d be in a lot more pain. Despite the drugs, you still remembered what had happened.
You were taken to the hospital after the medic confirmed your legs were broken (something you could have told him yourself if you were capable of producing a coherent sentence at the time) and the x-rays showed that, of course, both fractures were displaced. The doctor decided it was best to do surgery to get the bones set into place properly so they could heal. Looking down at your legs, you felt relieved to see that they were able to forego any external fixtures, so at least you wouldn’t have to deal with that.
Now that you could lift my head enough to look around, you realized you weren’t alone in the room. To your right a mop of dark hair lay on your bed, a strong hand gripping onto yours loosely while its owner slept. Despite his face being turned away from you, you knew all your boys well enough to instantly recognize the figure as Taehyung.
You watched as his back slowly rose and fell with his steady breathing. Knowing him, he was probably blaming himself. You’d have to be sure to give him a good lecture about that once he was awake.
Just a few minutes later the door to the room slowly creaked open as a few of the boys wearing their masks walked in. “Oh, you’re awake,” Yoongi said quietly, trying not to disturb Taehyung.
You nodded. “Yeah.” Your voice came out hoarse. You cleared my throat a bit, hoping that would help. “I woke up just a few minutes ago.” That was a little better.
“How are you feeling?” Jin asked, coming to stand at my left side.
“Alright, I guess,” you said while Jin brushed your hair back. “I feel really sore, but I have a feeling whatever is in this IV is keeping most of the pain at bay.”
You felt Taehyung stir for a moment before he suddenly jolted awake. “Hello, sleepyhead,” you said with a light chuckle.
“Noona!” Tae stood up so quickly, you almost didn’t even see him move. “Noona, you’re awake.” His lip quivered. “I’m so sor-”
“Nope,” you interrupted him. “Don’t you dare do that. I know you’re blaming yourself, but stop it.” He looked taken aback by your interruption but didn’t say anything as you continued. “I made my own decision to jump in the middle and ended up getting hurt. I should have paid more attention to how close I was to it, so it’s not your fault.” You took in a breath, squeezing Tae’s hand with both of yours. “I’m just glad that you’re okay.”
Tae wrapped you in as much of a hug as he could with the awkward angle of you lying down and him standing next to the bed, quietly crying into your shoulder. “But I still wish you weren’t hurt.”
“It’s okay,” you assured him, stroking his hair. “I just need to heal, I’m going to be okay.”
Yoongi approached the bed, giving you a small smile. “He was really shocked,” he said. “He’s been acting almost like a zombie this whole time. I think he needs some more time to fully register it all.”
You nodded in understanding. “Is it just you three here?”
“No, everyone’s here,” Seokjin said. “We’ve been rotating in shifts. Except Taehyung, he’s been here the whole time. I can let them all know that you’re awake if you want,” he suggested.
“Yes, please,” you said. “I’m sure they’d be happy to see me conscious.” Jin nodded in agreement before leaving the room.
Yoongi moved closer now that he could, and before you realized what he was doing he placed a soft kiss on your forehead. You felt my face heat up at the gesture. You had gotten chaste kisses from some of the others, but Yoongi was never one to show his affection in that way, so it was a complete shock to you.
“We’re glad you’re okay,” he said softly. You felt Taehyung nod against your shoulder in agreement. “We’ll be with you every step of the way while you heal, noona. I promise.” He took your hand and squeezed it.
You squeezed back, smiling at your friend and leaning my head against Tae’s. You didn’t respond, but you didn’t need to. Words weren’t enough to portray what each of you wanted to say, but that was okay because you all understood each other perfectly without them anyway.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 32 | Chapter 33 | Chapter 34
Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove @ramyagovindraj @leesalts @rjsmochii @overtherainbow35
Send me a message or ask if you want tagged! And also feel free to leave comments or send asks to just talk to me!
If I Never Met You: Chapter 2
(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader
Genre: (PG13) Fluff
WC: 1.5k
Warnings: None
Series Masterlist
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3
After we all introduced ourselves, Sejin oppa told the boys that they could take the rest of the day off their usual practice and training schedules so that we could get to know each other a little better.
“(Y/n) noona, why’d you decide to come to Korea in the first place?” Jimin asked, propping up his chin with the palm of his hand.
“Basically, I wanted to travel,” I replied. “I wanted to experience somewhere new and I had already learned the language so I knew I wouldn’t be completely lost. That, and the fact that Konkuk University accepted me as a student helped of course.”
If I hadn’t gone to Konkuk University, I probably wouldn’t have ended up in this room with these seven boys in the first place. That’s where I met Seokjin. No one else really talked to me, I guess my being a foreigner made them scared they wouldn’t be able to communicate well. But after seeing each other in a few of the fundamental courses we took together he asked me if he could sit next to me in class, so we started talking and quickly became friends.
He had told me he was a trainee, so I helped him when he had trouble getting work done because of his busy schedule. And earlier today, which was only about a month after the semester started, I mentioned how I was having trouble finding a job and he suggested I applied to the company he was a trainee at. I was baffled when I was told to come back for an interview so quickly after just filling out my application, so when I was hired so easily it was even more astonishing to me. And now here I was, talking with these seven interesting boys.
“How did you learn Korean anyway? Why did you want to?” Namjoon inquired. He had mentioned earlier that he learned English by watching the show Friends, which I thought was incredibly impressive.
“I found a website that taught it and made it really easy to learn. After getting into Korean dramas and K-pop I thought the language was really beautiful and wanted to give it a shot.”
“It must have taken you a while,” Hoseok added.
I saw Seokjin smiling out of the corner of my eye, waiting for his brothers’ reactions to my reply. “It took about 3 years.”
There were a variety of reactions from the boys, from as small as a just surprised expression, to straight up shocked gasps accompanied by jumping up from their comfortable positions on the floor. Meanwhile, my friend laughed out of enjoyment from their surprise.
“Really?! How fluent are you?” Jungkook asked.
“Well on TOPIK my proficiency was rated Level 6,” I replied, feeling shy from all their reactions.
“What’s that mean?” Yoongi asked.
“It means she got the highest level you can get. She’s completely fluent,” Namjoon elaborated.
I didn’t think it was possible, but even more dynamic reactions ensued from the group. Jimin and Hoseok were now standing, the latter spinning in circles. Even Yoongi, who appeared to be calmer and more muted than the rest of them was very obviously surprised at the knowledge. Seokjin was just on the floor, releasing his unique laugh which reminded me of windshield wipers.
I felt my cheeks flush at their over-the-top reactions. I knew that I learned it fairly quickly, but I definitely wasn’t prepared for these responses.
“I mean, Namjoon learned English just from watching a TV show and there’s no way I could have done that with Korean, so…” I said, hoping to reduce some of the attention they were giving me.
“Yah, calm down guys,” Seokjin managed to say once his laughing settled down a bit. “You’re making her feel embarrassed.”
“Sorry, noona!” Taehyung said as he and the rest of the boys started to calm down. “ It’ just, I’ve been learning English basically since I started going to school but I still can’t even hold a full conversation in it. So it was just super impressive to hear you learned Korean so quickly!” The rest of the group nodded in agreement.
“Thanks,” I said with a shy chuckle as I rubbed the back of my head with my hand. “Anyway, let’s talk more about you guys!” I smiled and they thankfully obliged.
Our afternoon continued like that, me asking some questions which resulted in quite a bit of conversation and bantering between them, then one of them asking me something else. I quickly began to feel relaxed with them. Something about them was very comforting and welcoming.
I learned of their ages. Of course, I already knew that Seokjin and I were the same age, being born in ’92, and I was even only 3 days younger than him as my birthday is December 7. We learned that on the first day we started to become friends and we were shocked at the strange coincidence, Seokjin saying that we were almost twins. Yoongi was the next oldest, a ’93 liner. Namjoon and Hoseok were born in ’94, Jimin and Taehyung in ’95, and Jungkook being the youngest born in ’97. I knew he looked young, but I had no idea he was only just barely 15!
After chatting for quite a while, Sejin oppa came into the room. He smiled, seeming satisfied that we appeared to be getting along.
“You’d probably better move this to the dorm,” he said as he walked up to where we were sitting in a kind-of-not-really circle on the floor.
A few of them immediately stood up at the suggestion, agreeing that it was a good idea,
“Guys,” Yoongi spoke up, “do we really want noona to come to our dorm? It was in a pretty poor state when we left this morning. I don’t think she’d want to see your guys’ dirty clothes and messy habits on display for her the day she meets us.”
Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jimin who were originally really excited immediately replaced their grins with frowns in realization of the poor state of their home.
Sejin oppa laughed from where he stood behind me. “What did you guys think I was up to this whole time? I cleaned it up for you. Don’t worry, it’s safe.”
A look of relief washed their faces again. “Alright, do you want to go then, (Y/n)?” Seokjin asked.
“Yeah, sure! I’m pretty sure that as your manager, I’m supposed to know where your house is anyway.”
The boys gathered their things and we walked to their dorm, which was close by for convenience.
When we entered the house, the first thing I noticed was that it seemed pretty small. But Sejin oppa wasn’t joking that he worked hard to clean it. It was spotless!
“Wow, thanks Sejin hyung! I’ve never seen this place so clean,” Namjoon said.
“Let’s try to keep it that way, huh?” Hoseok said to his roommates with his eyes narrowed.
Jungkook just giggled, and the others didn’t make much of a comment as they scattered around the room.
“Let me show you around a bit, (Y/n) noona,” Hoseok said, placing a hand on my back.
I smiled at him and nodded.
The house was very small so there wasn’t much to show me, but I still very much appreciated the welcoming gesture. After checking that the room was clean enough, he showed me their bedroom. Yes, a single bedroom. All 7 of them slept in one room together, using bunkbeds to take the most advantage of the space. I suddenly felt pretty bad for them.
“Is it hard for all of you to have such little room to share together?” I asked him.
“Not really,” he responded. “Some of our members do strange things in their sleep but we are used to each other.”
“Oh, you mean like how you touch your body while you sleep, hyung?” Taehyung piped in from behind us.
I quickly turned around and shot my head back and forth between the two boys. “Wait, what?”
“Yah, don’t make it sound weird, Kim Taehyung!” Hoseok said, his face turning red. After looking at my confused expression, he elaborated. “I don’t know, apparently while I’m sleeping I’ll run my hand across my arm or chest or something. I guess because my parents used to hold me while I was sleeping so it’s just something that my body does on its own. At least I don’t snore as loud as an engine like Namjoonie.”
“It’s not like I can help it!” I heard said member pipe up from behind us. From that point the rest of the boys all started chiming in and talking over each other so I couldn’t make out much more of what they were saying.
I just couldn’t help but think about how cute and sweet it was, that they looked so close and like a family of their own. I found myself wondering if I’d be considered a part of this family too from now on. I would really like that.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3
If I Never Met You: Chapter 28
(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader
Genre: (PG13) Fluff
WC: 2.7k
Warnings: None
Series Masterlist
Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 | Chapter 29
“Are you excited to see your boyfriend again, noona?” Jungkook cheekily asked.
“For the last time, he’s not my boyfriend,” I responded as I pulled into the parking lot.
“But you want him to be, don’t you?” Jimin chimed in.
“I’ve met him once, why would I want to date him already?” I really hoped their teasing would stop by the time we reached the filming set.
“Oh come on,” Namjoon decided to add his two cents. “You can’t tell me you don’t find him attractive. I saw those hearts in your eyes last week.”
“Yeah, he’s an attractive man,” I easily admitted. “But so are all of you. It doesn’t mean I want to date any of you.” I opened the car door, hoping they’d end the conversation there. The last thing I wanted was for them to continue this into the building, only for him or any of the staff to hear. But I also couldn’t make them late for their schedule.
Jimin and Jungkook found something else to laugh about while the four of us walked to the set, leaving me feeling relieved. But as we approached the door to our destination, Namjoon turned to me and flashed a mischievous smile.
“Well, your not-boyfriend is waiting by the door for you,” he said.
I looked a bit to the right of the door to see the person they were talking about leaning against the wall, looking at his phone.
“Hyung!” Joonie called out when we were close.
He looked up to see us approaching. “Hey guys!” he greeted, waving. “Nice to see you again.”
“We’re glad to come back again!” Jimin replied. “We had a lot of fun last week.”
“I’m happy to hear that,” their hyung who hosted the show said. “I have fun with you guys on set, too.” He then turned to me. “Nice to see you again as well, Y/n. I was hoping you’d be coming with them again.”
I shyly smiled. “Hi, oppa. And yeah, they finally decided it was better to have me here for it since most of the program is in English.”
“Oh, well I guess that means we’ll get to see each other more often, assuming BTS will be coming again next comeback,” he said.
“Oh, noona definitely wants to see more of you, Eric hyung,” Jimin said.
Eric raised his eyebrows at that and I turned to Jimin, an appalled look on my face. “You can’t go around saying things like that!” I smacked his shoulder. I looked back to Eric, chuckling nervously. “I meet you once and suddenly they’re teasing me and calling you my boyfriend. They won’t leave it alone.”
Eric’s expression relaxed and he laughed. “Well, we’d better get inside.” He held the door open for us, following us in.
This wasn’t the first, nor the second time any of the boys were coming to be on an episode of After School Club. They came here last year after N.O, shortly after their recent comeback with Skool Luv Affair, and Namjoon came on a couple times after that on his own as a guest host. Last week and today these three were guests again for the “After Show” episodes. I had secretly been hoping since we got them scheduled the first time to be able to come with them, but luck hadn’t been on my side.
Why did I want to come here so much? Definitely not because I am a fan of Eric Nam. Nope, that’s totally not it.
Okay, I wasn’t exactly subtle. And the boys all new it. I fell in love with his angelic voice when he released his first mini album, and I’ve been caught more than once jamming to his most recent song, Ooh Ooh. I was more than ecstatic that I was going to get to meet him last week. I would have been even more so if Kevin was here as well (I was also a fan of U-KISS of course), but unfortunately I’d have to hope to see him another time.
The boys chatted with Eric (luckily not about my non-existent crush on him) while we walked to the room where they’d read over their scripts before doing the rehearsal. When we entered the room, they all gathered their scripts to look over together while I sat on a nearby couch.
For a while, I sat on my phone to pass the time since there wasn’t really anything I could do at the moment. It didn’t take all too long for them to look over their scripts together – they were going to be doing a full rehearsal where they’d polish things out anyway. The whole entire show isn’t scripted, probably about half was so it was easier to piece everything together in a rehearsal.
There was still some time before the staff were ready for a rehearsal though, so once they all felt comfortable with their lines for now they turned to just chatting. Eric came over to sit next to me on the couch.
“So they’ve been giving you trouble?” He spoke to me in English.
I chuckled. “I mean, they just like to tease.” I continued the conversation in English as well. “They knew I was your fan, so they’ve been teasing me since even before we got here last week.”
Eric shook his head, laughing a bit. “I’m sure I said this last week, but I really do appreciate that, by the way. Not many people know who I am before I tell them myself. I was surprised to hear you knew about me from my debut album.”
“I tend to keep tabs on what’s going on in K-pop,” I said. “You have a wonderful voice, so it was easy to become a fan.”
“Thanks again,” Eric said, smiling sweetly. “Oh by the way, I was meaning to ask last week but forgot. Is it okay if we exchange phone numbers?”
“What?” I asked, not believing what I just heard. “You want my phone number?”
He nodded. “Yeah, if you want. You seem like a nice and fun person to talk to, so I was kind of hoping we could chat more. I think I have some friends you’d get along with, too. I’ve told Kevin about you and he wants to meet you as well.”
“You talked about me to your friends?” I absentmindedly handed him my phone when he reached his hand out for it.
“Yeah,” he responded as he entered his number in my phone. “Like I said, I think you’d get along with them, too. That’s why I’m glad that you came back this week, otherwise I would have had to ask one of them if they could give you my number.”
He called himself from my phone before handing it back to me with a smile. “Thanks, Y/n.”
“My pleasure,” I shyly smiled back. I looked over at the others who still sat at the circular table, and noticed Jungkook had his phone not so subtly pointed at me. “Jungkook, are you taking pictures of me?” I asked.
He slowly lowered his phone. “No, I was just looking at something.”
“Uh huh,” I made sure it was obvious I didn’t believe his lie. “What are you planning on doing with that?”
He flashed me that smile that was way too adorable and helped him get away with more than he should. “Nothing.”
Just a few moments later, there was the telltale notification coming from the group chat, and I could have guessed what it was without even looking. But I still did.
Kookie: Noona is happy to see her boyfriend again <3
That was the caption accompanying a picture of me and Eric smiling. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Jungkook, I swear I am going to take all your schedules away from you.”
He looked a little confused for a moment, before looking at his phone and then he had a look of realization. “Oh crap. I meant to send that to the chat without you.”
“Mhmm, I’m sure you did,” I replied. I quickly responded to the message, yet again insisting Eric is not my boyfriend and they needed to shut up.
Eric looked over my shoulder at the chat and laughed. “You got quite the handful to deal with there, huh?” He asked me in English.
“Yeah, you could say that again,” I responded. “Sometimes I regret taking this job.”
“Oh come on,” Namjoon said. “You know you love us.” He made a finger heart.
“And I have no idea why,” I said.
A staff entered the room to let us know that they were ready to start the rehearsal, thankfully giving an excuse to end the conversation.
The show filming wrapped up, finishing with a music video for VIXX’s Eternity (which I may or may not have been internally jamming to). We weren’t able to hang around after everything was done, so we didn’t really get any time to stay and chat with Eric. But I reminded myself that we exchanged phone numbers so I didn’t feel bad about that for very long.
“It’s a shame we can’t spend more of our schedules being on ASC,” Namjoon said when we were driving home. “I really enjoy being there. Eric is really cool.”
“Yeah, I think they are a lot nicer there compared to some other programs you’ve been on,” I responded.
I saw Jungkook nodding through the rearview mirror. “Well, at least we know we’ll get to go back after our next comeback right?”
“Hopefully,” I said. “It’s in the plans, but we can’t get anything scheduled until the comeback is all set to go. We still have to go to LA and finish up the next album first.”
“I’m so excited to go,” Jimin said. “Have you ever been there, noona?”
“No,” I responded. “I never really went on vacations, and had pretty much intentionally avoided big cities for the most part.”
“Seoul is a big city though,” Jungkook pointed out.
“Except for Seoul,” I laughed. “It actually helped me feel a little more comfortable with being in bigger cities. Before, they made me really anxious and I didn’t like it at all. But I’m a lot better now. Although, I’m still unsure how I’ll feel about Los Angeles…”
“I’m sure it’s going to be a lot of fun,” Namjoon said.
When we got back to the dorm, I was unsurprisingly practically dragged into the boys’ home before I can set foot in my own. I resigned myself to my fate, this having become a common occurrence.
I quietly sat in their living room, next to Hobi. He turned and smiled brightly at me. “Welcome back,” he said. “Jin hyung is almost done making us dinner, so you came back at the perfect time.”
As if he was summoned, Jin called from the kitchen. “Y/n! I need to have a chat with you, young lady!”
“Who are you calling young lady?” I asked as I reluctantly stood up. “Not only are you only three days older than me, but I’m your manager as well. So don’t you ‘young lady’ me.”
“You’re a ‘young lady’ when you’ve got yourself a boyfriend,” Seokjin retaliated.
“Oh my gosh, how many times do I need to explain that he is not my boyfriend?” I asked.
“They exchanged phone numbers today,” Jimin teased.
“Friends can have each other’s phone numbers,” I defended. “You guys act like you’re the only boys I’m allowed to have platonic friendships with.”
“We are,” Jin said.
“Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense,” I laughed, rolling my eyes. “What if I like girls?”
Jin turned around to eye me suspiciously, and a few of the others that were nearby gave me disbelieving looks.
“Yeah,” Namjoon said. “Because we totally haven’t noticed you drooling over male singers all the time. Like Eric hyung.”
I cleared my throat. “Well, either way. I can be friends with guys without there being romance. Like, I just met the guy. I’m pretty sure it’d be more likely for me to feel something for one of you rather than him.”
I realized way too late that my mouth ran away when I wasn’t paying attention. And everyone who was in the room gave me confused and teasing looks at that statement. Crap. “I’m not saying I do!” I quickly defended, waving my hands frantically in the air. “I’m just saying, it’s silly to think I’d be romantically interested in someone I literally just met…” The statement started strong, but got weaker as it went on until it was almost a whisper.
If the heat in my cheeks was any indicator, I knew I must have looked like a tomato. I wasn’t technically lying because I never said I did feel something for any of them, but I still felt like I did lie for some reason, which definitely made me feel nervous on top of being embarrassed. And I was doing my absolute best to not make eye contact with any of them, especially not him.
I stared at the ground as I walked back into the living room, hearing playful laughter behind me as I made my escape.
“You know we’re just teasing, noona,” Jungkook said, wrapping his arms around me from behind and still laughing. When I didn’t really respond, he let go and turned me around to face him. “You do know that, right?”
I offered him a smile. “Yeah, of course I know.”
My smile must not have been super convincing though, because he frowned in return. “If it’s too much, we’ll stop. I’m sorry, we’re overwhelming you aren’t we?”
I hummed, thinking for a moment. “Maybe just a tad?” I admitted.
“I’m sorry, I’ll stop,” Kookie said. “I know there’s nothing going on with you and Eric hyung, don’t worry.” He pulled me into a proper hug.
“Everything okay, noona?” Jimin asked, placing a hand on my back.
I smiled at him. “Yeah, I’m alright. Sorry about that.”
“Time to eat, guys!” Jin called from the kitchen.
After eating together, he pulled out his phone and looked at the picture Jungkook had sent in the chat one more time. It was obvious that everything they all had been teasing her about the last week with Eric was just that – teasing. But he couldn’t help feeling a twinge of jealousy. She looked so happy with him in the picture.
He knew it was silly to feel jealous of someone who she obviously wasn’t interested in, especially when he’s had the pleasure of seeing that same happy smile on her face as well. But until now, he only saw her happy like that around him or the other members who were like his family. Eric was a great guy, so he had nothing against him. But maybe there was a tiny part of him that felt insecure and worried that even though there’s nothing there right now, maybe something could be later?
He watched as she laughed with the others, glad to see that her moment of vulnerability from earlier was far gone. He decided to put his silly thoughts aside and include himself in the conversation, making a ridiculous joke. When his joke was what put that beautiful, bright smile on her face as she laughed, all of his concerns washed away.
“Hyung,” Jungkook called from next to him.
He turned to see it was him who he was referring to – seriously, the boy had six hyungs, he should be a little more specific. “Hm? What’s up, Kook?”
“You were jealous weren’t you?” the maknae whispered, smiling.
“Jealous?” he replied. “Jealous of what?”
“Come on,” Jungkook said, almost whining. “I know you like noona. You’re not exactly subtle at hiding it.”
He looked at Jungkook as though he just said that he killed his dog. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jungkook quietly laughed. “You’re cute, trying to hide it.” When he gave the younger a look that silently said, ‘I’m going to kill you,’ he stopped laughing. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything. Just know that I’m rooting for you.” He smiled again before turning away and talking to one of the others.
Great, the maknae knows. Good thing he already knew he was good at keeping secrets, because he would honestly probably kill the kid if he said anything. Well, let’s be real. Once he flashes that bunny smile no one could possibly kill him. But still.
Looking at her one more time calmed him down again, even if it did set the butterflies in his stomach to flight. Just as long as she kept smiling like that, he felt like everything would always be okay.
A/N - Finally, 28 chapters in, I narrowed the candidates down by one lol. It will sometimes be very subtle, but if you pay attention from here on out, you should notice the candidates for who the love interest is slowly dwindling :)
Also, sorry for the random change from using (Y/n) to Y/n. I decided I didn’t like the parentheses lol.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 | Chapter 29
Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope @misohime @netflix-batman-sleep @smallbaby-cat @leitholdwithlove @ramyagovindraj @leesalts @rjsmochii
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If I Never Met You: Chapter 26
(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader
Genre: (PG13) Angst, hurt/comfort, and topped with some fluff
WC: 6.1k
Warnings: Detailed descriptions of a strong panic attack
Series Masterlist
Chapter 25 | Chapter 26 | Chapter 27
A/N - If you are having a difficult time, it can be really easy to want to deal with it on your own. But having a support system is so crucial in helping you feel better and getting through the toughest of times. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone if you need it!
Over the holiday season, Bang practically forced me to go home to see my family. It was nearing a year and a half since the last time I saw them and honestly, I was feeling homesick even if I never mentioned it to anyone. Bang PD told me I was not going to have any work to do starting from December 20th until just after the new year, so unless I wanted to sit at home bored I should take the time to see my family. He even handed me plane tickets he had already bought just to drive the point home.
There was basically no way I could say no at that point, so I did what he suggested and went home. Of course I was in contact with my family frequently since I had moved to South Korea and when I explained how busy my job was they understood why it was hard to get time to be able to go back to visit. But talking over the phone or texts was very different from getting to see them in person.
My family was thrilled to see me, and my sister was surprisingly talkative when she asked me a million questions about the boys and what it was like living and working in South Korea. And of course, I had just as many answers and stories to give her.
I got to see my best friend Ari while I was on vacation, and she was more than happy to hear about my new family. She never really listened to K-pop before but I tried my hardest to get her to become a fan of my boys. She wasn’t entirely convinced, but I knew I’d get her one day. I also tried contacting another friend of mine, Jordan. He had been one of my closest friends since we were five years old. But he didn’t respond to me at all, so I guessed he was busy and I could see him next time.
By the time the last few days of my vacation came around, I felt rather strange. I was happy to be home and it had made my homesickness feel better at first, but the longer I was home the more I realized I was feeling homesick again but for Korea and the boys instead. Probably because that’s where I had been for so long, and I spent almost literally every day with them so it was so weird to be away.
But of course our group chat was more active than ever while I was at home. I got messages every day from at least one or two of them about how much they missed me and about what they were up to. And they sent a lot of pictures. Particularly the ’95 line was sending me lots of candid and goofy pictures that they captured both of themselves and the rest of the members. They definitely kept a smile on my face, especially when the others would respond, complaining about the pictures they shared.
Soon enough, it was time for me to go back to my second home. I was still sad to leave my family again, but I was even more excited to get back to my boys and to being busy – which I had become way too accustomed to.
I arrived back in South Korea on January 2, and Sejin even had time to pick me up from the airport himself. We casually chatted about my vacation while he drove me back home and he walked me up to my apartment.
I opened the door to my home, expecting to just lay down and relax for a little while. But when I turned on the light, I was immediately met with seven boys and a whole feast laid out on my table.
“Welcome home!” they all said before taking turns hugging me and telling me how much they missed me.
I was happily surprised, but the significant jet lag didn’t let me show it and made me just look tired. “Hey guys,” I greeted with a tired smile. “This is a nice surprise.”
“We missed you!” Jungkook said, refusing to let me go after being the last one to give me a hug.
I chuckled and gave him a kiss on top of his head. “I missed you guys too. But I can’t believe you guys prepared this for me. It’s not like anything special happened, I was just visiting my family.”
“But you were gone for two whole weeks!” Tae pouted.
“I was starting to feel withdrawal,” Jin said. “I need my honey to be complete.” He blew me a kiss.
Jimin pretended to catch the kiss midair and throw it away.
“Yah!” Jin yelled as Jimin hurried next to me and gave me a peck on my cheek to tease Jin.
“I got to her first,” he sing-songed before running away and Jin started chasing after him.
Meanwhile, Jungkook was still clinging onto me as if I was his lifeline. I looked over to Sejin, silently asking for assistance. He just smiled and shrugged. “They missed you, what can I say?”
“Did I really miss this?” I questioned myself. “Maybe I should just go back home.”
“No!” Hobi yelled, coming behind me to hold me from behind while Jungkook tightened his grip from the front.
“It’s official,” I said. “I’m a prisoner.”
“Yeah, I warned you a year ago that you’re stuck with them whether you wanted to be or not,” Sejin oppa said, chuckling.
“Come on noona,” Joon said. “You know you love us.”
I hummed, pretending to think about it. “I don’t know, maybe you guys just brainwashed me into thinking I do.”
“I have done no brainwashing,” Yoongi said. “If you love us then you’re just crazy.”
“Well I mean, me being crazy is definitely accurate,” I said.
Even though I was tired from the jet lag, I couldn’t let the hard work they put in for this surprise go to waste so I humored them in eating and chatting for a little while. Until they couldn’t help but notice just how exhausted I was and they reluctantly left my apartment to let me get some rest.
As I saw them out of the house and they took turns saying goodbye, Jimin paused for a moment. “In all seriousness though,” he said, “we are super happy that you’re back. And not just that, but hyung is all healed now and is going to be able to do the showcases with us. I kind of felt like our family was a little broken last month without the two of you. But now everything’s back to normal.” He smiled sweetly.
“Aw, Chim,” I said, returning the smile. “It was never broken. But of course, I’m glad things are going back to normal too.” I gave him a strong hug before saying goodbye one more time and he left to join his brothers across the hallway.
There were just a couple of days after I returned before we would go back to Japan for the boys to have two showcases, one in Tokyo and the other in Osaka. The boys (including Yoongi) were practicing and preparing for those performances, while I went back to doing the usual routines at the company with Sejin to make sure that upcoming events were all in order and their comeback for next month was on track.
I easily became re-immersed into my work, but there was a thought that kept lingering in the back of my mind – one that had started before I even returned to Korea.
I was sitting in the dance studio, waiting for the boys to finish their practice for the day so we could all walk home together. Having watched the same routine over several times and being a little tired, my mind started drifting on its own. That tiny inkling of a thought that was hiding in the back of my mind started surfacing more and more the longer I sat there.
I looked again at the message on my phone. “Hey! Long time no talk! I am in town so I wanted to know if you were able to hang out so we can catch up. I miss you!” It was the one I sent to Jordan and hadn’t received a reply on. I knew he was difficult to get ahold of, his family had even told me that they have a hard time reaching him most of the time. But it still bothered me that I received absolutely no reply.
“Noona?” Hobi startled me out of my thoughts when he waved his hand in front of my face. “Everything alright in there?”
“Oh, yeah. Everything’s fine,” I responded. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“Jordan?” I jumped when I heard Joonie’s voice literally right next to my ear. “Is that a friend from home?”
“Yeah, he is,” I said simply, turning my phone in my hands a couple of times before locking it.
“You’ve never mentioned him I don’t think,” Jin said. “Are you guys close?”
“I’ve mentioned him, just not by name,” I said. “He’s the one who I’ve known since I was five.”
“Ooohhh, that friend!” Hobi said. “You’re always smiling when you talk about him. Did you get to meet up with him?”
I looked down at the black screen of my phone and shook my head. “No, he never responded to me when I texted him.”
“Maybe you should call him, see if you can catch up?” Yoongi suggested. “You look like you miss him.”
“I do,” I admitted easily. “I feel like it’s been ages since we’ve talked but he is easily one of my closest friends.”
“Why don’t you call him now?” Tae said. “It’s a reasonable time there, isn’t it? And it’d be nice for us to talk to him a bit if you guys are really that close.”
I thought about it for a minute before deciding it may be a good idea. “Yeah, maybe I should. He does prefer phone calls over text messages anyway so that might help.”
Everyone seemed to agree they’d hang out to say hi and gathered around me while I hovered my finger over the call button on my phone. “Alright, I’ll introduce you guys before you start talking okay? And please only talk one at a time.” I gave them each a jokingly serious look before and got nods of agreement in return. I finally pressed the green circle and waited for him to answer, placing the phone on speaker. It seemed like it was about to go to voicemail, but he answered at the last minute.
“Hello?” I heard Jordan’s voice for the first time in what felt like forever through the phone.
“Hey, Jordan!” I said, excited to talk to him. “How are you?”
He was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry, but who is this?”
I pinched my eyebrows together in confusion, feeling uneasy. I knew for a fact that I messaged everyone my new number when I had gotten a new phone. “This is (Y/n).”
“Oh!” he said. “Sorry, I didn’t recognize your number. How are you?”
“I’m doing well,” I replied. “I thought I let you know I changed my number. Well, I messaged you last week asking if you wanted to hang out but you didn’t respond.”
“Yeah sorry,” he said. “I didn’t reply since I didn’t recognize the number.”
“Ah, okay. I guess that makes sense.” I noticed that Namjoon was quietly telling the others what we were saying so they weren’t lost. “Well I just figured I’d see if you were able to chat so we could catch up. A lot has happened since the last time we talked.”
“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Jordan said, but he sounded distracted. I was about to reply, but before I could he continued. “But I’m actually kind of busy right now. Can I call you later?”
My heart sank. I’d heard that before. Many, many times before. “O-okay, yeah sure,” I replied. “Talk to you later then.”
“Mmkay. Bye!” Jordan said before hanging up.
“Bye…” I murmured even though the call was done.
A number of memories started zipping by through my mind, slowly connecting dots together. Something I felt like I had known all along, but had refused to believe up until this point. He wasn’t going to call me back. He was never going to call me back. There was no more denying it. I vaguely registered the boys trying to get my attention, but I was too lost in my thoughts to reply.
I suddenly stood up, grabbing my bag and coat before walking out of the room and not saying a single word. I knew what was about to happen and I wasn’t about to let it happen in front of the members of BTS. Not in front of my friends. I didn’t want them to see this side of me.
All the regular staff were gone for the day since it was getting late, so I freely jogged down the halls, letting my feet guide me to wherever they may. My heartbeat was speeding up and breathing becoming ragged, more from the speed of my mind rather than that of my body. I ended up in one front of one of the vocal lesson rooms and deciding that should be a safe enough place to wait out my attack, I entered and leaned against the wall next to the door without turning on the lights.
Now feeling as secure as I could from the possibility of being found, I let my emotions overwhelm me. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as choked sobs escaped my throat. Jordan wasn’t going to call me back. How stupid could I have possibly been? How many years had it been since he’d been playing my emotions like a fiddle?
At least five years, that was for sure. That was my first memory of this pattern developing. My 16th birthday party, when he promised he’d be there but hours passed and he wasn’t answering any of my calls. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought something came up, he was just busy and forgot to tell me. That is, until one of my friends called him from her phone and he didn’t realize she was at my house for the party so he answered. As soon as she asked him why he wasn’t there, he quickly hung up and didn’t answer any more calls after that.
I cried my eyes out that night. My best friend, the person who I trusted more than anyone else. Who had been by my side since we were five years old, and went through years of school with while we were considered weird and didn’t fit in at all. We were there for each other and didn’t care what other people thought because we were happy being as good of friends as we were and even finding a few other friends along the way who were just as odd. That same friend had purposely ignored me on my birthday.
It wasn’t until two weeks later that I called him again, and he actually picked up. He profusely apologized and came up with some kind of explanation as to why he couldn’t make it. I asked him why he wouldn’t tell me that straight up instead of making me feel terrible that he was ignoring me on a day that was important to me. But he just apologized over and over, promising he wouldn’t do it again and he’d remember to keep in touch with me.
I was too naïve, too hopeful and clinging onto my friendship with him to see that for what it really was: excuses. Just excuses.
My face had to have been a mess by now, completely tear-streaked and all shades of blotchy reds from how much I was already crying. My thoughts were still racing as I recalled various events and empty promises from the years identical to the one I just experienced. I was hyperventilating, and started hitting the back of my head against the wall behind me as if that would rid my mind of all the thoughts swirling around.
When that didn’t work, I gripped onto my hair, pulling tightly. I couldn’t believe I was so blind all this time. I wanted to believe so badly that someone I knew and trusted for that long couldn’t lie to me like that, that I left myself completely oblivious to what was really going on. What was wrong with me? How could I have been so dumb?
But more importantly, what was it that I did to make him do this to me?
Suddenly, the door to the room swung open. It happened too quickly for my overwhelmed mind to comprehend what was going on, much less react before someone’s hands were on top of mine, trying to loosen them from my hair. I knew someone was right in front of me and witnessing my breakdown; the part of my mind that was still logical knew it and wanted me to stop. But my emotions were running the show right now and they weren’t going to listen – they were going to keep going in the spiraling direction they were already headed.
“Oh my gosh, noona!” they said. “What’s wrong?” I recognized it as Hobi’s voice. Our hope, our sunshine. He was seeing me a mess. He surely wouldn’t want anything to do with me after seeing me in this state. “Please, talk to me noona.”
I curled up even further into a ball, hiding my face behind my knees and keeping my hands tightly gripped onto my hair despite Hobi’s best attempts to remove them. I was unable to help myself from continuing to sob, finding it even harder to breathe than before in this new position.
“Guys! She’s in the vocal lesson area!” Hoseok yelled. “Please come here, quick!” he turned his attention to me, starting to make shushing sounds. “It’s okay, noona.” His voice was suddenly quiet and calming, but wasn’t doing much to aid in my racing mind. Although he did finally loosen my hands from their vice grip in my hair. “Noona, it’s alright. We’re here for you. Just please, talk to me.” He was stroking my hair in what I recognized was an attempt to soothe me. But again, I was still too far gone for it to help right now.
I shook my head, face still hidden. “No,” I said. “N-no. no,” I stuttered through hiccupped breaths. “He… He’s n-not… He’s a-a li-liar.” My mind was stuck in English mode so I don’t know if Hobi understood what I said. I started rocking back and forth, beginning to have difficulty maintaining control over my own muscles.
Hoseok continued trying to console me by shushing and stroking my hair, at a loss for what else he could possibly do. I heard others enter the room, pausing when they saw the state I was in.
“What’s wrong?” Jimin’s normally calmingly melodic voice sounded far away, as if I was inside of a fishbowl.
“I don’t know,” Hoseok said. “I found her like this and she won’t talk to me.”
“I think she’s having a panic attack,” a deeper, somewhat raspy voice said, but I could barely hear it.
I thought there were others and that they talked a little bit more but their voices were being drowned out by my mind. More memories, more thoughts. I felt like I wasn’t myself, and I knew I needed to calm down and come back down to earth. But that part of my mind was locked behind metal bars and my emotions were in control now. How could I have been so dumb? I knew what was going on but I refused to see it. It was my fault, I had to have done something for him to do this to me.
My fault. Something was wrong with me. Everyone left me. It had to be me. What was it? Why couldn’t people stay? Why did they always leave? Why, why?
I felt out of control of my own body as I lifted my head and started hitting it against the wall in synchronization with repeating the word “why” through my mind over and over. At least until something held onto my head to stop it from moving.
I was aware of everything I was doing. I knew it was silly and I needed to stop. But I couldn’t, I didn’t feel in control. I started mumbling those same short sentences that had been running through my mind, still being hindered through the hiccupped breaths from hyperventilating. By this point I was feeling dizzy from the lack of sufficient oxygen making it through to my lungs.
One of the hands holding my head still moved to rest on the back of it, gently stroking my hair. Someone else was running their thumbs over my cheeks to wipe away the tear stains. Another hand gently ran up and down the calf of my leg in a calming motion. The combined efforts of these actions started bringing the voices around me back into focus as I slowly opened my eyes.
“Noona,” Jimin’s sweet voice broke through first. I looked at him. “There you are. Hey, it’s okay.” He repeated the last sentence a few times. I realized he was the one caressing my leg.
I heard Jungkook’s calming voice singing a soft song somewhere close by.
“Noona, are you coming back to us?” Hoseok’s voice a little to my left spoke up and I looked his way. He was the one wiping my tears. It took me some effort, but I found the control to shakily nod my head to respond to him.
“You have to breathe, okay?” Jimin said.
“Let’s count in sets of four, noona,” Yoongi’s voice came from my right. “You’ll breathe in, hold your breath, and then breathe out for four counts each. And we’ll keep doing that. You think you can do that?”
I closed my eyes and nodded once more. Yoongi started counting and I did my best to follow the counts, although it was challenging with the short, uncontrolled breaths I had been taking for who knows how long by now. But each time the cycle restarted, it got a little bit better. I was able to focus my mind on the song Jungkook was singing, which kept my thoughts at bay as Yoongi helped my breathing come back to normal.
By the time my breath returned to normal, I felt in control of myself again.
“Welcome back,” Hoseok said with a soft smile as he removed his hands from my cheeks.
I started crying again, hiding my face in my hands.
“Noona,” Hoseok gently called me as he came closer to wrap his arms around me. “Hey, shh it’s okay. It’s okay.”
“Oh my gosh.” I could barely even recognize my own voice. It was so weak from all the crying and hyperventilating. “I can’t believe you guys saw me like that. I didn’t want you to ever see me like that.”
“It’s alright,” Jimin said as Yoongi ran his hand along my back to continue trying to comfort me. “We don’t mind. We just want you to be okay.”
“Noona, has this happened to you before?” Yoongi tentatively asked.
I slowly nodded. “You guys think I’m crazy, don’t you?”
“No, of course not!” Hobi assured me. “Why would we ever think that?”
“Because I literally just acted crazy,” I said, lifting my head to look at Hoseok. “I wasn’t in control of myself. My emotions went absolutely haywire and I had no power over my own actions. How does that not make me look crazy?”
I heard sniffling coming from somewhere nearby.
“You’re not crazy, noona,” I heard Joon’s voice but when I looked for him I couldn’t see him.
“The others are standing outside,” Jimin told me when he noticed me looking. “We couldn’t all fit in here.”
“Just because you had a panic attack, that doesn’t make you crazy,” Yoongi said.
“Do you think you can stand up?” Hobi asked, holding my hands with his own.
I responded by slowly raising myself off the floor, bracing my hands on the wall behind me to help. I was a little wobbly on my feet at first, but could still support myself after a moment.
Hoseok kept hold of one of my hands as I turned to walk out the door, and the first person I saw was Jin. He was holding a wet towel in his hands and used it to gently wipe my face. The water was cool and refreshing, helping my swollen eyes and hot cheeks to feel a little better, and I was sure it helped me look at least a tiny bit less of a mess than I was. He gave me a soft smile after he was done.
“Thank you, Jin,” I said. I looked next to him and saw the other three members, realizing where I heard the sniffling coming from. Tae and Kookie’s eyes were red and somewhat swollen. I gently let go of Hobi’s hand to walk over to them and wrap them both in a hug, and they quickly embraced me back, holding onto me tightly. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t want to worry you guys. I’m so sorry, please don’t cry.”
“Don’t apologize, noona,” Tae said. “I should apologize. I was the one who told you to call him. It’s my fault.”
I let go of them to grab his face and make him look me in the eyes. “None of that. It’s not your fault. None of us knew what was going to happen. And my fragile mental state is not your responsibility.”
I heard one of the boys make a disapproving whine at my statement, unhappy with how I described myself.
“Let’s get back to the dance studio so we have room to sit and talk, yeah?” Namjoon suggested.
I nodded in agreement, and Jimin was quick to come to my side and entwine his fingers with mine. We walked back in silence and Jimin gently guided me to sit on the couch once we were back in the room, sitting next to me. Hobi took the seat on my other side while the others sat around the floor in front of me.
“Do you want talk about it?” Joonie asked, placing a hand on my knee.
I exhaled a long breath, gathering myself. “I will. I’m sorry, guys. I know that must have been so out of the blue for you and I didn’t mean to scare you. I ran off because I felt the attack coming and didn’t want you guys to see it. I had hoped you wouldn’t have looked for me there.”
“Don’t apologize,” Yoongi was quick to say. “You don’t need to apologize for feeling your emotions. Sometimes they can get the best of you, but that’s okay. It’s not embarrassing. And it’s better to have someone there to help you through it than to go through it alone.”
“I’m glad we did find you,” Hobi said. “Who knows how long you would have been there like that if we didn’t.”
I nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“What was it that plagued that beautiful head of yours, (Y/n)?” Jin asked.
“I know Namjoon was telling you guys what Jordan and I were saying so I’m sure I don’t need to explain that,” I started. They nodded in confirmation. “Well, it definitely may seem like that was nothing to trigger me. But when he said, ‘I’m busy. I’ll call you later,’ it was as if I had an epiphany. I realized that I had heard that from him countless times. So many times that he gave me promises of keeping in touch, of calling me or texting me later. Always to end up being empty. He never kept those promises.”
Jimin started running his fingers through my hair, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I continued, “The first time I noticed something being off was at my 16th birthday party, about five years ago. He was supposed to come but didn’t show and ignored my calls. I talked to him two weeks later and he had this excuse that I just accepted because he was my best friend and I wanted to believe him. But really, he had no reason to ignore me and if he really did have a reason to not show he should have told me from the start.”
I wouldn’t stop fidgeting my hands, so Hobi took one in his and rubbed comforting circles on it with his thumb. “After that, I started getting more and more empty promises. I think I knew for a while, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. But when he told me that this time… I just couldn’t deny it anymore. That I realized every time I got in contact with him, or we managed to meet each other it was by pure coincidence, and it was always me reaching out. Today, he answered my call because he didn’t know it was me. And that wouldn’t be the first time something like that happened.”
I closed my eyes, trying to keep myself from crying again. “Over and over and over again, he apologized for not being the one to reach out or not keeping in touch. And he’d promise to change that. But he never did, not even once. For five years. Five. Years. He didn’t have the guts to just tell me that…” I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Saying this out loud, admitting it outside of my thoughts made it too real. “That he just doesn’t care about me or want to be my friend anymore. Is it really that hard to not string someone along, to not lie to them and keep giving them hope that everything’s still okay?”
Hoseok wrapped his arms around me as I leaned further into Jimin’s shoulder, getting his shirt wet with my tears. “How could he just decide it was okay to do that to me? I trusted him and believed in him. He was there for me when no one else was for such a long time. When no one else wanted to be my friend, when I was oblivious to the other kids making fun of us, he was always there. And I was stupid enough to believe he always would be. But that’s the thing – the only thing that’s a definite when it comes to me is that my friends will always leave me.”
“Don’t say that,” Tae said. “Even if that may have happened up until now, you can’t say that’s what will always happen. Because no matter what, we’re not going anywhere, noona.”
I really wanted to argue that there’s no way he could know that, but I didn’t have the energy to debate on that right now.
“What was going through your mind when you were having your attack?” Yoongi asked. “Other than having that realization about him, I mean.”
I bit my lip, not wanting to voice it out loud. The state of my mind definitely amplified them but that didn’t mean that they weren’t things that I didn’t think of more often than I cared to admit. I was hoping we could move onto something else, but my silence spoke volumes. Yoongi seemed too familiar with what I was going through, he must have known that the destructive mannerisms had to come from destructive thoughts as well.
Jimin pulled away a little so he could make me look him in the eye. “Noona, please. We know there are things you may want to keep to yourself, but we really want to make sure you’re okay. Please tell us.”
I sighed, knowing I wasn’t getting out of this. And I wasn’t in a state to come up with a quick lie. “At the worst part,” I started, “the part when I was hitting my head against the wall.” I saw the others cringe or make sounds of displeasure at me recounting that. “I was thinking how it’s my fault. That there has to be something wrong with me that makes people always leave. Because I’m the common denominator, I have to be at fault. And I was asking myself why, what it is that causes it and why I’m like this.”
“Oh, noona,” I heard Jungkook say in a very sad tone.
“How often do you think those things?” Yoongi asked.
“Is this a counseling session or something?” I responded.
“Basically, yeah,” he said without missing a beat. “Please, answer my question.” His sentences may have been short and to the point, but they were full of care.
“I don’t know how often but,” I paused while thinking of how to phrase it, “I wouldn’t call it uncommon.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, (Y/n),” Jin said. “We told you this before. Those people just don’t know how wonderful you are. But we know, and we aren’t planning on giving you up for anything.”
“You say that now,” I mumbled under my breath in English.
“I heard that,” Joonie responded. The others looked at him curiously. “Basically, she implied that we think that way now but it doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way.”
“We won’t leave you, noona,” Tae said, almost sounding desperate. “We would never want to.”
“It took Jordan eleven years to start to get sick of me,” I replied. “Others only took a few months, some a year or two. But he took eleven years.” I could see on their faces that they knew what I was implying. That even if we were good friends for a very long time, it still didn’t mean it was permanent.
“You are right about one thing,” Hobi said, gently turning my head towards him. “You can’t predict the future. None of us have any idea where we’re going to be in five, ten, or fifty years in the future. But there is something we do know. That right now, you are one of our closest friends. And we all love you and don’t know what we’d do without you. We know that we want you in our lives, and we don’t see that changing any time soon. Just as you don’t know if later down the line we may drift apart, you also can’t say that we won’t be just as close in fifty years as we are now. I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to bet on the latter.” He touched his forehead to mine as he finished his speech.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “I really do love you guys. It just scares me. I’ve never talked much about it with you all because I thought I had it under control, but I have battled anxiety for quite a few years now. I thought it was more or less gone but I’ve been fighting the negative thoughts again lately. I’m doing what I can to keep them under control but that’s sometimes easier said than done.”
“You should be open about it with us,” Jin said. “If you tell us something is bothering you then we can help.”
“I’ll try to be,” I said.
“Noona,” Taehyung maneuvered his way through his hyungs to sit right in front of me. “We love you. And we’re here for you. You’re always here for us, so let us be there for you. Hmm?”
I gave him a soft smile. “Okay, Taetae. I love you guys too.”
He extended himself toward me to include himself in the already tangled embraces of myself, Jimin, and Hobi. And the rest of the boys took that as their cue to pile in for a big, chaotic group hug that ended with us all laughing because of how awkward of a fit it was.
“Oh!” Jungkook exclaimed as we all righted ourselves again. “Can we have a sleepover again? It was so much fun last time.”
“I live right across the hall from you guys, it is literally unnecessary,” I said.
“We don’t care,” Joonie said, grabbing my things. “I vote yes for the sleepover.”
And soon enough the rest of the boys were all voicing their agreements to the notion as well.
My anxiety really might get the best of me sometimes, but one thing was for sure. Where I was right here, right now, surrounded by these people – this was a place I could be happy. And I planned on cherishing it for as long as I possibly could.
Series Masterlist
Chapter 25 | Chapter 26 | Chapter 27
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