Tonight I cried about Josh in front of someone for the first time since the vigil. And I talked about it for the first time in a visceral, real, honest way. I can't say that I feel better. But I feel more normal I guess. Overall I really just miss Josh so much it hurts. Everything is Josh. Everything. Brushing my hair I remember, "yooooo, gurl you should dye that shit purple. All of it!". Painting my nails I hear "them black nails make you look angry as fuck in a good way". Logging on to instagram "pshhh fuck tumblr. get an insta! thats my shitttt". Playing guitar "we should start a band that's like screamo/rap". Reading for class "it's a waste of time, yo. live. fuck reading. just live". At one point in the past few years I stated in my head "Josh is a bad friend". I was so wrong. He wasn't perfect and he did shitty things sometimes. But he was one of the best friends I could ever ask for. He taught me more than I ever realized. He was a fucking treasure. Nobody realized just how amazing he was, me included, until he was gone. I miss him all the time, every day.